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So, now that you have that out of your system, back to the original post and the problem presented.
You crew form. You join a lobby. As OFTEN happens, one of your crew loses connection for less than a minute. Bam, second gunner!
I don't think the solution here is a password ship or votekick, but rather an enforceable 'reserved' spot for people that lost connection for a bit.
So, you join with your crew, one is lost, and someone else joins. The captain or crew (if the pilot is lost) can mark the spot as 'reserved' before or after another person joins. The person in the spot will be given a popup saying the spot is reserved due to technical difficulties, and they may lose it if the player comes back. If the previous player returns, they can click on the person in their spot and force a swap slot in some polite manner.
Problem solved in the least trolly manner possible.