The Codex of Zuka

[Squidslinger Gilder]

"It was Zuka who taught Morgan Freeman how to narrate, but it was Morgan Freeman who taught Zuka how to subdue the peasantry with Morgan Freeman's voice"
"The Earth is a terraforming product of a single stern ram by Zuka"
"Venus is a product of a few too many stern rams by Zuka"
"When asked why Zuka couldn't see an object the size of a planet and thus rammed into it, Zuka said,"Because it was there, therefore I hit it!"

[HamsterIV]

* Zuka and George Takei  have an ongoing "Oh my!" contest where they try to turn strait men gay and gay women strait by uttering the phrase "Oh my!" in the most suggestive way possible.
* Zuka is currently in the lead by two lesbians and a male gymnast .
* When Zuka is too sexy for his shirt, the shirt will bursts into flames.
* Justin Timberlake's song "Bringing Sexy Back" is a reference to the one time Zuka was apprehended by authorities while trying to flee a town.
* No charges were filed because Zuka is too damn sexy.

[HamsterIV]

* There is enough alcohol and oxygen in Zuka's blood that it can be used as rocket fuel.
* There is an IV line running from Zuka to his engines.
* When Zuka gets excited, his ship goes faster.
* When Zuka offers you a "pro tip," he is not offering you advice.
* If Zuka's ship ever looses its balloon, Zuka can count on a hoard of dirty peasants clamoring for his autograph to cushion his fall.

[Squidslinger Gilder]

"To maintain topspeed Zuka only permits women on his crews in slave girl outfits"
"How Zuka's crews handle high altitude or cold weather climates is unknown as they rarely leave Zuka's ship or side. But scientists hypothesize Zuka's Aura may be able to radiate enough heat to keep scantily clad women warm down to the temp of absolute zero"
"Zuka once brought summer to the people of Firnfeld by yelling out "CAST OFF THY CLOAKS PEASANT WENCHES!!"
"This led to the saying,"Wherever Zuka goes, a beer commercial follows"

[HamsterIV]

* The Zukafactory which manufactures Zukadolls is staffed entirely by people who could be underwear models.
* Workers at the Zukafactory have chosen to dedicate their lives to recreating Zuka's likeness which they say is "more fulfilling than anything else they could be doing."
* Nobody knows what goes on inside the Zukafactory but Zuka and the employees.
* Every Sunday a truck delivers 500 liters of Jack Daniels and 800 Magnum condoms to the Zuka factory.
* There are five golden tickets, secretly encased in the packaging of five Zuka dolls, inviting "Those of sufficient stamina" to tour the Zukafactory.
* Zuka says "Make Love not War"
* Zuka's idea of "Making Love"  involves Airships, artillery, and a copious amount of ramming.
* Zuka's idea of "Making War" is so horrifying those who have witnessed it and survived are locked in an asylum where their deranged rantings can only drive each other deeper into the pit of madness.
* The Asylum is where Creepy Zuka Dolls are manufactured.

[Squidslinger Gilder]

"Zukatov cocktails work similar to molotov cocktails except are filled with Zuka's excrement when hes drunk. Zuka designed it as such because he feels strongly against wasting booze"
"The magma cannon was actually developed by Zuka in his asylum. It is loaded with the firepower of combining a 1000 Zukatov cocktails"
"It has been 0 days since the last Creepy Zuka Doll related homicide at the Asylum. The number has never reached 1"
"Other Zukaventions to come out of his Asylum labs include: The Peasant Cannon, The Creepy Zuka Launcher, and his famous Boozeoculars which turn normal people eyesight into Zukavision (Women appear naked and men vanish entirely)"

[Squidslinger Gilder]

"No woman can ever tame the Zuka, except for...Tiny Tina"
"Tiny Tina + Zuka...a match made in crumpet filled explosion heaven"
"According to Zuka, Tina and him have agreed to be wed in the future after she comes of age, or completes her peasantplosion gun"
"When asked why Zuka was making out with his computer monitor while playing Borderlands 2, surrounded by beer bottles, he replied,"SHES REAL DAMMIT!! GO AWAY!!!"
"The secret wing of Zuka's Asylum has since been rumored to be hard at work developing a way to turn normal crazy women into Tiny Tina crazy. Zuka has refused to comment other than a sinister laugh"

[Surette]

"No woman can ever tame the Zuka, except for...Tiny Tina"
"Tiny Tina + Zuka...a match made in crumpet filled explosion heaven"
"According to Zuka, Tina and him have agreed to be wed in the future after she comes of age, or completes her peasantplosion gun"
"When asked why Zuka was making out with his computer monitor while playing Borderlands 2, surrounded by beer bottles, he replied,"SHES REAL DAMMIT!! GO AWAY!!!"
"The secret wing of Zuka's Asylum has since been rumored to be hard at work developing a way to turn normal crazy women into Tiny Tina crazy. Zuka has refused to comment other than a sinister laugh"

I assume you're both familiar with Ashly Burch, of Hey Ash? She does the voice of Tiny Tina and has a long running video series with her brother Anthony Burch (the lead writer of Borderlands 2). And she is most definitely real.

[Squidslinger Gilder]

/facepalm...epic fail to get the joke.../facepalm

[Surette]

/facepalm...epic fail to get the joke.../facepalm

Wasn't commenting on any joke, was commenting on how Ashly Burch is awesome and is totally worthy of marriage.

[Zuka'Esrai]

/facepalm...epic fail to get the joke.../facepalm

Wasn't commenting on any joke, was commenting on how Ashly Burch is awesome and is totally worthy of marriage.

The Zuka shall have them BOTH! Tiny Tina will be mine! Not even the peasantry can bar me from my one true love!

[HamsterIV]

Since when have you let the peasantry bar you from anything?

[Squidslinger Gilder]

"Zuka once released a cologne called Zukcess because "Women love the smell of Zukcess"
"Zuka was picketed by PETS (people for the ethical treatment of Skywhales) after it was revealed that Zukcess was tested on them. Zuka was quoted as saying,"Quiet peasants! You only wish you were worthy of Zukcess like those whales!"
"Whales sprayed with Zukcess unfortunately could not be returned to the wild due to their risk to the species and passing airships. Side effects included grossly inflated egos, gargantuan genital enlargement, and an unhealthy infatuation with butts."
"Zuka keeps the Zukcess whales in his pool where the are fed a strict alcohol diet to keep them docile."

[HamsterIV]

* Most captains put Zuka on the front gun of their squids so they can check out his fabulous posterior from the helm.
* Zuka Manning the Front Gun (ZMFG) is official Browning Airship Insurance Company's designation for all airship on inanimate object collisions.
* ZMFG's account for 80% of all insurance claims made to  to the Browning Airship Insurance Company last year.
* There was a 200% increase in ZMFG's ever since Zuka bought a pair of neon yellow hot pants.
* The Browning Airship Insurance Company has put a $20,000 bounty on Zuka's hot pants.
* When a bounty hunter tried to collect on Zuka's hot pants she ended up covered in Zuka Sauce and whispering "Dirty Peasant" over and over.

[Squidslinger Gilder]

"Attack on Titan was originally set to be called Attack on Zuka. The story was changed when Zuka demanded his Titan form have a penis."
"Zuka was not pleased with the change to Attack on Zuka so he made it himself...Zuka ended up being the only male actor in the entire cast."
"In a recent poll, when it comes time for parents to give children "the talk," most responded saying they referred them to an episode of Attack on Zuka to explain it all."
"In the same poll, 90% of respondents stated their children now had a new sense of purpose for their lives, 8% developed cannibalistic tendencies, and the final 2% curled up in the fetal position and had to be admitted to Zuka's asylum."