Guns Of Icarus Online
Off-Topic => The Lounge => Topic started by: Squidslinger Gilder on May 28, 2013, 03:34:22 am
-
The jokes around Zuka'Esrai's matches aside, lot of us have sorta spawned legends of Zuka dolls and steak sauce. So building upon that I bring you something you can all participate in. The Codex of Zuka. They can be silly, off the wall, or stupid. Either way folks keep asking me for new codex entries and I'm not a machine so...lets hear some of yours!
I'll start off with...
From the codex of Zuka:
"Zukaflinging is an an Olympic approved sport involving lumberjacks and Zuka. There are no winners or losers, only those that get Zuka'd!"
"Moonshine may get you there fast, but Zukashine will get you there Zukafast!"
"Zuka doesn't just crew airships, they become part of Zuka."
"Airships aren't constructed, they're Zuka'd from Zukamidion rams."
"Zuka hand stitches every Zuka doll...because he cares"
"Valentines day may be for chocolate but Zukatines day is for Zuka Steak Sauce!!"
"Zuka doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he drinks Dos Zuka"
"Zuka can stack teams with all AI due to his aura of Zukaness"
"The aura of Zukaness turns mice into men, noobs into leets, and can serve as a floatation device in case of water landings."
"Zuka doesn't get mad, he gets ZUKZILLAAAAAAA!!!!"
-
"Zuka once found a way to shoot the ancient cannon on Anglean Raiders, there were no survivors."
"Zukadolls once were used in a fertility ritual, the resulting children were deemed OP and the practice was discontinued."
"Top notch food critics can not tell the difference between old shoe leather covered in Zuka Steak Sauce and filet mignon covered in the leading brand."
"The Zukascope will show you only the truth. Unfortunately that truth is that Zuka will find you and kill you."
"Zuka once used the bayonet at the end of the Pyramidion's bowsprit to preform delicate surgery on a sky whale."
-
"The Zukascope is made out of 90% recycled materials, and 10% recycled Zuka"
"When Zuka mans guns he brings his own ammo type. Enemies who survive scream in horror at the sound of, ZUKA ZUKA ZUKA ZUKA ZUKA ZUKA!!!"
"Zuka doesn't capture points, he lures the points to him with an open bottle of Zukasauce."
-
"A Zukanaut is any one brave enough to navigate the inner workings of Zuka's mind"
"When four or more guns on a ship are being simultaneously manned and fired by Zuka it is called a Zukafecta"
"The phrase 'Pulling a Zuka' has over 9000 different meanings, all of them are awesome"
-
"Zuka can barrel roll a Galleon with one finger"
"Women love the smell of Zukcess! You can have yours too for 10 easy payments of $19.99!"
"Zuka invented his own language, but only those who have been Zuka'd can learn it"
"Zuka's armor never goes down because bullets are naturally repelled by his aura of Zukaness."
"Zuka can snipe with a carronade."
"Zuka doesn't train newbies...he Zukas them"
-
"Apple made the iZuka, it did everything you wanted it to but no body could figure out how or why"
"Children sleep with teddy bears to keep them safe from monsters, Monsters sleep with Zukadolls to keep them safe from Zuka"
"Axe body spray commercials are exerts from a documentary on secret government testing done with Zukamones (Zuka pheromones)"
"Zuka flame burns hot enough to melt titanium and is referred to as the most beautiful thing in the universe by those who have survived"
-
You got a lot of good ones Hamster :D
"When Zuka slices onions the onions cry"
"Zukgyver mode is when Zuka builds airships out of paper clips and chewing gum. In this mode he has also been known to shoot down enemy ships with a straw, a drop of Zukasauce, and spitwads"
"Zuka can time travel at 88mph without a flux capacitor"
"The speed of light is only .0000000000001% the speed of Zukafast"
"Zuka can make the kessel run in 1 parsec, going backwards, while blindfolded"
-
A parsec is a measurement of distance, not time. George Lucas should have known better.
-
Perhaps parsec was the total distance traveled, and lesser captains take a more circuitous rout to avoid patrols. Back to making up crap about Zuka.
"The Zukafaction is composed of people who have been Zukaed and for some reason enjoyed it"
"Zuka sauce has been FDA approved for the treatment of liver disease"
"A grilled cheese sandwich with the likeness of Zuka is preserved in the Vatican as a religious relic"
"A full 1/3 of the Z section of the dictionary is dedicated to Zuka and various Zukarelated language"
"The Zukanary is 100% dedicated to Zuka and various Zukarelated language"
-
"Zuka can lose spots without hiding in water hazard"
"The Zuka Cannon has only been fired once, the aftermath created the Zukamuda Triangle"
"Children of Zuka's foes don't tell ghost stories around campfires, they tell Zuka stories"
"Zuka doesn't ever have to shave, his stubble is afraid to grow"
"Zuka can make a rafts out of Sky Whales and chest hair"
-
I have guided the zuka to this page, prepare.
-
Alcohol is the fuel of Zuka, spreading his love across the skies! Come listen to these tales, straight from sauce of love! 110% Zuka approved!
Oh and hello gentlemen. I say, Jolly good show!
-
"The Zukasaurus Rex is the only dinosaur to survive the Mass extinction at the end of the Cretaceous Period."
"The Zukasaurus Rex was the cause of the Mass extinction at the end of the Cretaceous Period, once it discovered Zukasauce there was no stopping it."
"Zuka keeps a pet Zukasaurus Rex which he rides during parades and other formal occasions. Below is an artist's rendition:"
(http://ypcomic.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/wexterProgress.jpg)
"Zukalings and Zukalisks were originally going to be included in the Zerg Starcraft expansion 'Wrath of the Zuka,' They had to be removed to keep the teen rating. A more family friendly Kerrigan was developed in their place."
"Before a battle new recruits of the Order of Chaladon are told to 'Close your eyes and think of Zuka.' Veterans think of Zuka with their eyes open, of course."
"Zuka has a 105% accuracy with a lumber jack, the 5% comes from hitting two targets with the same shot on multiple occasions."
"Every shot fired from Zuka's guns contains the gift of love, cherish it."
"Zukasauce is the only known condiment that can compliment Japanese, French, and Mexican cuisine."
-
lol I don't even know if I want to ask where you got that picture :D
"Zukanime is a form of animated entertainment where Zuka's likeness is used for every character and Zuka voices every character"
"Zuka can dance with wolves in the pale moonlight"
"The T-virus was actually invented by Zuka in his attempt to make a hot sauce that would wake the dead. *Zuka is not responsible for lost or eaten family members*"
"Zuka's enemies don't have flashbacks when they are about to die. They have Zukabacks where Zuka's awesomeness overwrites every memory of their lives"
-
* CS Lewis changed his children's masterpiece "The Zuka, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" to "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" after he realized the Jesus analog was a bit to heavy handed in the first version.
* ABC tried to air "Touched by a Zuka" but all the actors and most of the crew (including the men) became pregnant after the pilot.
* Meteorologists refuse to name any tropical storm "Hurricane Zuka" because Zuka doesn't loose energy when he makes land fall.
* Astronomers have named the eternal storm on Jupiter "Hurricane Zuka" for obvious reasons.
* Zuka once deflect an asteroid that was about to wipe out all life on earth with his winning smile and a well timed pelvic thrust.
* One wall of young Clark Kent's (Superman) room was covered in pictures of Zuka.
* The green lantern core gave a power ring to Zuka, but took it back because he only used it to make enormous phallices.
* Zuka's testicles are so massive they form their own gravitational field. Ladies are not just figuratively drawn to Zuka they are literally drawn to him as well.
Edit: the Image is from the comic Axe Cop. It is a commic "written" by a five year old, and illustrated by a 29 year old.
http://axecop.com/ (http://axecop.com/)
-
"When Zuka gets angry he goes into Incredible Zuka mode. 50/50 chance his clothes stay on"
"The last time Zuka got angry, he created the Flayed Hills. Formerly known as the Pacific Ocean"
"Spider-Zuka is just Zuka throwing spiders at criminals. Shelob sized spiders..."
"Batzuka is actually the name of Zuka's pet bat. It has it's own 60s theme song which it sings from dark corners of rooms with glowing red eyes"
-
* In the grim darkness of the distant future there is only Zuka.
* To Zukatize is to alert regional chat that there is a game which contains Zuka.
* Doctors must take the Hippocratic Oath, Sky Marshals must take the Zukaratic Oath.
* The only fear Zuka knows is the fear that someone will go their whole life without ever being Zukaed.
* A county fare once sold Zukadogs instead of hot dogs, they ran out within the first hour because one can never have enough Zuka.
* Zukariticism is Zuka's way of telling you what you did wrong. You should feel bad for having failed Zuka.
-
"In space Zuka can hear you scream"
"Soldiers cry "Get to da CHOPPA!!" Airmen cry "Get to da ZUKA!!"
"Hairs on the back of your neck standing up is a form of passive sonar for telling if Zuka is near"
"Zuka has eaten microwave sushi naked in the back of a Cadillac. The car has since been preserved in the Zukasonian museum"
-
* Julius Caesar's last words were "Et tu Zukae?" because it was Zuka who shanked him.
* The sinking of the Titanic was an unfortunate side effect of Zuka experimenting with Locknigar rounds.
* Zuka lighting his farts served as Gabriele's inspiration for lighter than air travel.
* The odds of Zuka missing two shots in a row are lower than the odds of being attacked by a great white shark at the top of Mount Everest.
* Zuka keeps a tank full of great white sharks in a balloon over Mount Everest just in case.
* Most people only experience a partial Zuka, those who have experienced a full Zuka are changed for life.
-
* Julius Caesar's last words were "Et tu Zukae?" because it was Zuka who shanked him.
That doesn't work. In the phrase "Et tu, Brute", you get Brute from Brutus because it's vocative, I.e. Brutus is the one being addressed. The vocative of Zuka isn't Zukae. Zukae would be dative or genitive singular, or nominative/vocative plural. So "Et tu, Zukae" could translate to the nonsensical "You too, of Zuka", "You too, to Zuka", or "You to, Zukas". Note that while the last sentence seems gramatically correct in English, Latin's use of different pronouns in second person for singular and plural makes it so that it's not the case.
The correct sentence would simply be "Et tu, Zuka"
-
Shame on me for not remember the High School Latin I took over 10 years ago.
Feel free to contribute more than pithy corrections Sunderland. I am sure Zuka wouldn't mind one more in his fan club.
-
"Zuka farts provide 500% more thrust than Hydrogen, and are 200% more effective than tar barrels"
"The Battle on the Dunes is the remains of Zuka's last Amplified Commode Blow"
"Zuka mines are mines launched from the mine launcher that have Zuka's picture on them. Enemy crews have been known to leap off ships to hug a Zuka mine"
"People go on tests of courage in spooky places. Monsters go on tests of courage to Zuka's house"
-
* If Zuka calls you a "Dirty Peasant" feel honored he stopped to recognize your presence at all. Now get back to work!
* Every Zuka doll spends at least 10 minutes in the presence of Zuka so that it can absorb some of his aura.
* Zuka plays GOI sitting atop a throne made of Zuka Dolls and surrounded by a boiling moat of Zuka Sauce.
* Zuka Sauce has been banned by the IOC (International Olympic Committee) due to its performance enhancing properties.
* The coinage of the Mercantile Guild is stamped with the saying "In Zuka we Trust."
-
* Julius Caesar's last words were "Et tu Zukae?" because it was Zuka who shanked him.
That doesn't work. In the phrase "Et tu, Brute", you get Brute from Brutus because it's vocative, I.e. Brutus is the one being addressed. The vocative of Zuka isn't Zukae. Zukae would be dative or genitive singular, or nominative/vocative plural. So "Et tu, Zukae" could translate to the nonsensical "You too, of Zuka", "You too, to Zuka", or "You to, Zukas". Note that while the last sentence seems gramatically correct in English, Latin's use of different pronouns in second person for singular and plural makes it so that it's not the case.
The correct sentence would simply be "Et tu, Zuka"
Every single form of Zuka in this post is correct. You cannot be wrong whence you have invoked to almighty Zukaness! So you're right. Also yes.
-
"Zukasauce...the number one brand among sky whales for sky barnacle removal. Tough on barnacles but not on skin!"
"When Zuka whips out his mallet, don't ask to see it. You may get Zuka'd"
-
Sun Tzu wrote a sequel to his famous book "The Art of War" called "The Art of Zuka."
The "Kama Sutra" was based of "The Art of Zuka" however it left out parts the author deemed "not physically possible."
There is a maneuver called "The Ultimate Zuka," if performed correctly the participants will experience "bliss normally reserved for the gods," if performed incorrectly neither participant will be able to walk for a month.
Hugh Hefner, John F. Kennedy, and Benjamin Franklin all own a copy of the "The Art of Zuka."
To make conforming to the One Child policy easier, China has banned the "The Art of Zuka" within its borders.
Conservative groups have tried to ban "The Art of Zuka" in the US, unfortunately any trial where part of the book is read out loud quickly turns into an orgy.
Most adult book stores refuse to stock "The Art of Zuka" fearing that their customers would loose interest in their regular stock.
-
Zuka can produce enough Burnt Pizza in one sitting to feed an entire African village.
Zuka once "hugged it out" with an anaconda, they are now best friends.
Zuka can win a sniper battle with flare guns.
The "Kungfu grip" on a Zuka doll is powerful enough to turn coal to diamonds.
The "Kungfu grip" on the actual Zuka is powerful enough to turn hydrogen to helium.
Zuka has promised to use his powers only for good.
Zuka's definition of "good" varies greatly from the cultural norm.
You are slacking Gilder
-
Been busy :P
"Those who have been Zuka'd can glow in the dark like Zuka. But only for a limited time."
"Zuka has his own custom outfit called Zukarider. It has a dozen pockets for Zukasauce, eight beverage cup holders for long flights, a compartment for Zukadolls, and a fully functional Squid Girl hat for when airships filled with Japanese school girls attack"
"While Sony was ripping M$ a new one with their PS4 conference, Zuka was out back beating M$ presenters with Xbox Ones till they apologized for selling themselves to publishers"
"The touch of death is only .001% as effective as the touch of Zuka"
-
selling themselves to publishers
This so much.
-
It is not the Zuka you see that will get you, it is the Zuka you don't see you should be worried about.
Like Santa Clause, Zuka knows who has been naughty or nice. However he only visits the naughty ones.
Zuka has stared into the abyss, the abyss flinched.
Zuka was one of Willy Wonka's golden ticket recipients. He was expelled from the factory after what he did to that Oompa Loompa.
The Geneva convention prohibits Zuka from answering the question "What would you do for a Klondike bar?"
-
"Zuka doesn't fly backwards, the world turns for him"
"Zuka can say "Nyan" in a manly way and still make otaku hearts skip a beat"
"Zuka's only weakness is the smiles of children that melt his heart. After they've learned how to Zuka their enemies. The moral is, never trust a smiling child after they've been Zukdoctrinated"
"Zuka's smile has it's own twinkle. Enemies run in fear of it, allies use it guide their ships at night"
-
A statue of Zuka sits in the middle of the largest public park in Anvala.
Birds refuse to defecate on Zuka's statue out of respect.
Cthulhu and Zuka once went on a bender, Cthulhu is still trying to sleep it off.
Some men just want to watch the world burn. Zuka wants to see the world covered in Zuka Sauce.
-
"Zuka has a pet monkey named Vakari. It likes to sit quietly on his shoulder, then leaps on non Zuka'd people screaming and clawing faces off"
"Zuka taught it to say the only two words it needs to know "Wrex" and "Shepard""
"Vakari doesn't wear a diaper, Zuka has peasants follow him around for Vakari to throw poo at"
"Zuka once shot down a Spire with Vakari's poo flinging. The Spire was named "Peasant Rebellion"
-
Zuka masks have replaced Guy Fawkes masks as a symbol of youth rebellion.
The Zuka mask is illegal in China, Iran, and North Korea due to its subversive nature.
If you spend enough time staring at a Zuka mask you will begin to hallucinate the voice of Zuka coming out of it.
The voice of Zuka will tell you to do things, dirty, dirty things.
In the Spartacus film the Romans crucified slaves that stood up and said "I'm Spartacus!" The produccers left out the Orgy scene that was held for the slaves that stood up and said "I'm Zuka'Esrai!"
Zuka's response to the slogan "Make love not war" is "why don't we have both?"
-
"Zukatose is a coma like state induced by Zukasauce overload."
"Patients coming out of a Zukatose state are often violent in their desire to return to such state. In some cases they gain the strength of a dozen men and have to be subdued by Zuka's pet monkey Vakari."
"Patients recovering with Zukdrawls after Zukatose state speak of a fantasy world where rivers are made of Zukasauce and any living creature that drinks from it, turns into a supermodel"
"When questioned about Zukatose conditions Zuka is quoted as saying,"Who keeps letting peasants into my garden?!!""
-
* An advertizing firm came up with the slogan "There is a little Zuka in all of us." They pulled it after 8 days when they realized Zuka took it too literally.
* There was a little Zuka in all of them after the first day, it took 7 more days before anyone could form a coherent sentence.
* It is impossible to play "Hide and Seek" with Zuka, he knows where you are and what you are doing at all times.
* Dirty Peasants play the game "Zuka Says" because it feels so nattural for them to obey Zuka. Who is this Simon guy anyway?
* Zuka was the first man to break the sound barrier and survive, unfortunately any one who witnessed the event was not so lucky.
* During the cold war Russia tried to synthesize weapons grade Zuka Sauce. Their failed experiments gave rise to the soviet space program.
-
"Aliens once tried to abduct Zuka. Their plans for invasion were foiled by the Zukaprobe"
"Zuka is currently the father of a dozen civilizations throughout the galaxy thanks to the Zukaprobe"
"The Zukaprobe has been categorized as a Death Star grade weapon among alien governments who have attempted to cover up all knowledge of Zuka's existence"
"Truths about the Zukaprobe have led to a mass exodus of the female population from Tau VII solar system. The solar system was later renamed Zukaland"
-
"Zuka can fire all 5 guns on a Mobula at once, he also can repair the balloon and the hull at the same time"
"Zukamines have a magnetic attraction to enemy female captains who in turn find Zukamines sexy"
"For male captains Zukamines just shout insults till the man rages into one and kills himself"
"Zukapolo was banned as an Olympic sport after female athletes complained of unexplained pregnancies"
-
* Since the new mass thrust system was implemented any ship with Zuka on it accelerates a little slower due to the immense weight of Zuka's balls.
* There is a secret pilot tool called "Zuka Sauce" which will increase engine performance without damaging the engines.
* The smoke resulting from putting Zuka Sauce in your engines renders everything it touches delicious.
* Covering an enemy ship in Zuka Sauce Smoke is considered a war crime as it has caused crew memberss to cannibalize themselves.
* When Zuka rams with the Mobula he uses the eagle heads to pull the engines off the victim ship.
* 90% of all Zuka rams are stern rams.
* Zuka does pelvic thrusts during ramming actions because it increases the damage and decreases enemy morale.
-
"Zukabagging is when Zuka teabags an enemy warship with his girth. During the process Vakari jumps down onto the ship and Vakaribags every crew member"
"Zukapedoes have a 100% chance of finding the exhaust port no matter how small it is"
"Zuka is currently wanted in Chaladon lands on 4 counts. 2 for indecent exposure, 1 for public drunkeness, and 1 for impersonating a female officer...whom Zuka had a fling with after earlier indecent exposure and put on her clothes instead of his the next day. Zuka would have gotten away free but he refused to give back her underwear saying,"DON'T BOTHER ME WHILE I'M MAKING ZUKASAUCE!!""
-
* When the authorities pull Zuka over they count themselves lucky if Zuka lets them off with a warning.
* When Zuka goes crowd surfing he does so standing up.
* Zuka once defeated a galleon in single combat with nothing but a hand thrown harpoon, and a giant peach held aloft by seagulls.
* Zuka doesn't need xray glasses as is piercing gaze is enough to cause anyone he wants to disrobe.
* If allowed to spin freely Zuka will eventually point towards magnetic north.
* Every day magnetic north moves three inches closer to Zuka.
-
"Patients on suicide watch have a 100% recovery after watching the film, Its a Wonderful Zuka"
"Zuka was originally cast for the role of the Predator in Predator. On the first day of filming he was fired after actors complained of Zuka covering them in Zukasauce and giggiling sinisterly. He was quoted as saying: "What? They're going to be skinned and made food anyways! Might as well make them taste good!!""
"Hull covered with sky barnacles? Spread a little Zukasauce on the hull of the ship near you and watch how fast they spread to that hull instead!! And better yet, it can't be traced back to you later!!"
"The face on the Japanese Creepy Woody doll was designed after Zuka had too much Sake last time he visited Tokyo"
"Zuka was later inspired to make his own Creepy Zuka Doll...it is banned in 70 countries as of this day"
-
* The first thing Zuka did when he got his hands on a mine launcher was lay a mine field in the shape of a giant phallus.
* The Order of Chaladon have named these floating works of art Zuka fields.
* Accidentally running into a Zuka field will do conventional damage but will also cover all crew and equipment in Zukasauce.
* Zuka Sauce stains can never be washed out of fabric and must be exorcized by a ritual involving a Creepy Zuka Doll, 30' of hemp rope, and two female goats.
* When Zuka Sauce dries it forms a polymer so strong that a half inch layer of the stuff on the hull can absorb the damage of a point blank shot from a mercury field gun.
-
* Zuka once killed two stones with one bird.
-
* Zuka once stern rammed a Buss full of Cheerleaders, 9 months later the buss gave birth to Optimus prime.
* Zuka can survive in the hard vacuum of space for 3 hours.
* Zuka is the only man to have executed atmospheric reentry using a cast iron skillet, an oven mitt, and 3 ounces of Zuka sauce.
* If you make a wish on a falling Zuka it will come true, so long as you wish to knocked on your back and covered in Zuka sauce.
-
"It was Zuka who taught Morgan Freeman how to narrate, but it was Morgan Freeman who taught Zuka how to subdue the peasantry with Morgan Freeman's voice"
"The Earth is a terraforming product of a single stern ram by Zuka"
"Venus is a product of a few too many stern rams by Zuka"
"When asked why Zuka couldn't see an object the size of a planet and thus rammed into it, Zuka said,"Because it was there, therefore I hit it!"
-
* Zuka and George Takei have an ongoing "Oh my!" contest where they try to turn strait men gay and gay women strait by uttering the phrase "Oh my!" in the most suggestive way possible.
* Zuka is currently in the lead by two lesbians and a male gymnast .
* When Zuka is too sexy for his shirt, the shirt will bursts into flames.
* Justin Timberlake's song "Bringing Sexy Back" is a reference to the one time Zuka was apprehended by authorities while trying to flee a town.
* No charges were filed because Zuka is too damn sexy.
-
* There is enough alcohol and oxygen in Zuka's blood that it can be used as rocket fuel.
* There is an IV line running from Zuka to his engines.
* When Zuka gets excited, his ship goes faster.
* When Zuka offers you a "pro tip," he is not offering you advice.
* If Zuka's ship ever looses its balloon, Zuka can count on a hoard of dirty peasants clamoring for his autograph to cushion his fall.
-
"To maintain topspeed Zuka only permits women on his crews in slave girl outfits"
"How Zuka's crews handle high altitude or cold weather climates is unknown as they rarely leave Zuka's ship or side. But scientists hypothesize Zuka's Aura may be able to radiate enough heat to keep scantily clad women warm down to the temp of absolute zero"
"Zuka once brought summer to the people of Firnfeld by yelling out "CAST OFF THY CLOAKS PEASANT WENCHES!!"
"This led to the saying,"Wherever Zuka goes, a beer commercial follows"
-
* The Zukafactory which manufactures Zukadolls is staffed entirely by people who could be underwear models.
* Workers at the Zukafactory have chosen to dedicate their lives to recreating Zuka's likeness which they say is "more fulfilling than anything else they could be doing."
* Nobody knows what goes on inside the Zukafactory but Zuka and the employees.
* Every Sunday a truck delivers 500 liters of Jack Daniels and 800 Magnum condoms to the Zuka factory.
* There are five golden tickets, secretly encased in the packaging of five Zuka dolls, inviting "Those of sufficient stamina" to tour the Zukafactory.
* Zuka says "Make Love not War"
* Zuka's idea of "Making Love" involves Airships, artillery, and a copious amount of ramming.
* Zuka's idea of "Making War" is so horrifying those who have witnessed it and survived are locked in an asylum where their deranged rantings can only drive each other deeper into the pit of madness.
* The Asylum is where Creepy Zuka Dolls are manufactured.
-
"Zukatov cocktails work similar to molotov cocktails except are filled with Zuka's excrement when hes drunk. Zuka designed it as such because he feels strongly against wasting booze"
"The magma cannon was actually developed by Zuka in his asylum. It is loaded with the firepower of combining a 1000 Zukatov cocktails"
"It has been 0 days since the last Creepy Zuka Doll related homicide at the Asylum. The number has never reached 1"
"Other Zukaventions to come out of his Asylum labs include: The Peasant Cannon, The Creepy Zuka Launcher, and his famous Boozeoculars which turn normal people eyesight into Zukavision (Women appear naked and men vanish entirely)"
-
"No woman can ever tame the Zuka, except for...Tiny Tina"
"Tiny Tina + Zuka...a match made in crumpet filled explosion heaven"
"According to Zuka, Tina and him have agreed to be wed in the future after she comes of age, or completes her peasantplosion gun"
"When asked why Zuka was making out with his computer monitor while playing Borderlands 2, surrounded by beer bottles, he replied,"SHES REAL DAMMIT!! GO AWAY!!!"
"The secret wing of Zuka's Asylum has since been rumored to be hard at work developing a way to turn normal crazy women into Tiny Tina crazy. Zuka has refused to comment other than a sinister laugh"
-
"No woman can ever tame the Zuka, except for...Tiny Tina"
"Tiny Tina + Zuka...a match made in crumpet filled explosion heaven"
"According to Zuka, Tina and him have agreed to be wed in the future after she comes of age, or completes her peasantplosion gun"
"When asked why Zuka was making out with his computer monitor while playing Borderlands 2, surrounded by beer bottles, he replied,"SHES REAL DAMMIT!! GO AWAY!!!"
"The secret wing of Zuka's Asylum has since been rumored to be hard at work developing a way to turn normal crazy women into Tiny Tina crazy. Zuka has refused to comment other than a sinister laugh"
I assume you're both familiar with Ashly Burch, of Hey Ash? She does the voice of Tiny Tina and has a long running video series with her brother Anthony Burch (the lead writer of Borderlands 2). And she is most definitely real.
-
/facepalm...epic fail to get the joke.../facepalm
-
/facepalm...epic fail to get the joke.../facepalm
Wasn't commenting on any joke, was commenting on how Ashly Burch is awesome and is totally worthy of marriage.
-
/facepalm...epic fail to get the joke.../facepalm
Wasn't commenting on any joke, was commenting on how Ashly Burch is awesome and is totally worthy of marriage.
The Zuka shall have them BOTH! Tiny Tina will be mine! Not even the peasantry can bar me from my one true love!
-
Since when have you let the peasantry bar you from anything?
-
"Zuka once released a cologne called Zukcess because "Women love the smell of Zukcess"
"Zuka was picketed by PETS (people for the ethical treatment of Skywhales) after it was revealed that Zukcess was tested on them. Zuka was quoted as saying,"Quiet peasants! You only wish you were worthy of Zukcess like those whales!"
"Whales sprayed with Zukcess unfortunately could not be returned to the wild due to their risk to the species and passing airships. Side effects included grossly inflated egos, gargantuan genital enlargement, and an unhealthy infatuation with butts."
"Zuka keeps the Zukcess whales in his pool where the are fed a strict alcohol diet to keep them docile."
-
* Most captains put Zuka on the front gun of their squids so they can check out his fabulous posterior from the helm.
* Zuka Manning the Front Gun (ZMFG) is official Browning Airship Insurance Company's designation for all airship on inanimate object collisions.
* ZMFG's account for 80% of all insurance claims made to to the Browning Airship Insurance Company last year.
* There was a 200% increase in ZMFG's ever since Zuka bought a pair of neon yellow hot pants.
* The Browning Airship Insurance Company has put a $20,000 bounty on Zuka's hot pants.
* When a bounty hunter tried to collect on Zuka's hot pants she ended up covered in Zuka Sauce and whispering "Dirty Peasant" over and over.
-
"Attack on Titan was originally set to be called Attack on Zuka. The story was changed when Zuka demanded his Titan form have a penis."
"Zuka was not pleased with the change to Attack on Zuka so he made it himself...Zuka ended up being the only male actor in the entire cast."
"In a recent poll, when it comes time for parents to give children "the talk," most responded saying they referred them to an episode of Attack on Zuka to explain it all."
"In the same poll, 90% of respondents stated their children now had a new sense of purpose for their lives, 8% developed cannibalistic tendencies, and the final 2% curled up in the fetal position and had to be admitted to Zuka's asylum."
-
"When Zuka lifts a leg on a dead tree, it is not a form of public indecency, it is restoring of life to dead wood! Or as Zuka calls it "Zukforestation"
-
When asked to "Do the decent thing" Zuka responded "Ok, where is Decent Thing, is she hot?"
Zuka did not invent Polygamy, but he did perfect it.
Zuka does not value his freedom, it is freedom which values its Zuka.
Zuka is not a leaf on the wind, Zuka is a dangerously sharp propeller blade scything through your crew compartment.
-
Guns of Icarus Online was actually shamelessly copied from a game called "Air Zukkaneers".
-
"The Zuka fandom currently consists of three tiers of obsession with Zuka: Filthy Peasant, Zukalyte, and Zukciple"
"Filthy Peasants are the fans who can never attain to the greatness of Zuka but follow Zuka around hoping to lick off any gum that defaces the bottom of his shoes. Only those whom Zuka deems Zukable are able to become Zukalytes"
"Zukalytes are those who have been Zuka'd and bear the seed of Zuka within them. They must nurture the seed until they are worthy of being true Zukciples. They bring Zuka beer and wenches! Those deemed unworthy are sentenced to an eternity of being servants to Vakari where they will be perpetually pelted with fecal matter."
"Zukciples are those who are deemed worthy and have mastered the art of Zuka and have started Zukaing others with the seeds of Zuka"
-
* F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote a steam punk version of "The Great Gatsby" called "The Great Zuka"
* Like Gatsby Zuka is known for throwing the wildest parties.
* Unlike Gatsby Zuka does this because he is that much of a player.
* Zuka has read every book in his library, however most of them are pornographic in nature.
* Myrtle's spire breaks up from a tactical bump from Zuka's squid.
* Zuka doesn't die by George's hand because Zuka knows how to deal with the husbands of his "Lady Friends."
* The Green light is a flare Zuka dropped to let people know he is coming to Zuka them all.
* The story's deeper meaning is that dirty peasants should be happy with the scraps Zuka drops them from time to time.
-
Zuka's cats devolve into crews of ships.
-
Zuka's cats devolve into crews of ships.
as evidence
(http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c28/dragon_skinner/zukascats_zps1ae02c15.png)
-
* Crewing on Zuka's ship is a privilege not a right.
* Zuka loves everyone, but chooses to express his love through ramming and bullets.
* Zuka never drinks alone, however most people can not see the procession of Valkyries who drink with him.
* There is an empty seat in mead halls of Valhalla reserved for Zuka
* Thor personally Zuka's any one who isn't Zuka who dares take that seat.
* Every time Zuka's ship is destroyed the Valkyries spirit him off to Valhalla for a wild party.
* Instead of spending eternity in Valhalla the Valkyries bring Zuka back to earth so they can spirit him off again.
* Ragnarok can not begin until Zuka stops using Jörmungandr as a condom.
-
* Ragnarok can not begin until Zuka stops using Jörmungandr as a condom.
My favourite.
-
"Every time after Zuka takes a really righteous dump, a music dance video erupts when he emerges from the bathroom."
"Zuka's fecal happiness is happiness to the world and as such, Zuka believes it should be expressed with proper mass peasantry dance choreography."
"Zuka was once asked to join Dancing With The Stars but he turned it down after inspection of the bathroom in the dressing room revealed non gold plated toilets."
"When asked why Zuka won't give Dancing a second chance, he told reporters,"I'M THE ZUKA!! I DOTH NOT SULLY MY BOTTOM ON PEASANT BOWLS!!""
-
* Consuming too much Zukasauce before bed will result in prophetic visions of a world ruled by Zuka.
* Michelangelo tried to carve a sculpture of Zuka to show the perfection of the human form, he ran out of marble just below the waist and had to rename his creation "David."
* When Zuka conquers a territory he does not need a flag pole to fly his standard above the palace/capitol.
* The insurgency rate of captured territories is 0%; no one opposes Zuka's rule once they have gazed upon his banner and what supports it.
* So far Zuka has conquered 14 islands, 26 nation states, and most of South America.
* There is a 2 year waiting list for Zuka to come conquer your nation.
* Zuka can inflate the value of a country's currency by putting his face on the coins staring suggestively at the viewer.
-
"South Americans are often better at football than other nations simply because every goal means an extra bottle of Zukasauce."
"Whenever they win the World Cup, Zuka comes down and personally delivers fresh squeezed Zukasauce right from the factory floor."
"After embarrassing other nations for multiple years, the Olympic games have officially been replaced by the Zuka games. Only nations conquered by Zuka can attend."
"Whenever the torch for the Zuka games is lit, it must be carried around the world without using any hands, feet, or teeth. Torch bearers must train for years before they are able to properly carry the torch."
"For the first Zuka games, Zuka carried the torch the entire distance along with his banner. He didn't even break a sweat."
-
Oh my dear Zuka,
My khajiit is wet and shaved,
I hunger for you.
Your sauce is tasty,
so tender warm and salty,
I hunger for more.
Take me now ravish me,
Blow your chem spray on me now,
I am ruined now.
-
Oh my dear Zuka,
My khajiit is wet and shaved,
I hunger for you.
Your sauce is tasty,
so tender warm and salty,
I hunger for more.
Take me now ravish me,
Blow your chem spray on me now,
I am ruined now.
From the legendary Ballad of Zuka. It makes men out of mice and increases bust sizes 5 fold when you listen to it over night!
You can all have your own copy for three easy payments of $9.95!
But wait, act now and Zuka will throw in a bottle of his new fragrance line: "Smellin of Khajiit." Absolutely free!!
-
When Zuka puts down rouge allies, he Zukthanizes them, as euthanizing is for those who are faint of heart.
Some say that when Trotsky was exiled, he fled the USSR for Mexico not because he feared Stalin's wrath, but because he heard of a new Zukasauce factory being constructed in Tijuana.
The Missing Fabergé Eggs are not truly missing; they were gifted to Zuka for safekeeping prior to the Russian revolution.
When Zuka deems a Creepy Zuka Doll defective, he has the female worker who made it pulled aside and gives her a 'reprimand'.
-
Zuka's tactical genius is on par with Lord Castellan Usarkar E. Creed.
Zuka knows how to put a Galleon into the secret corners of the Desert Scrap.
You are most likely flying into a Zuka ambush right now.
Imagine the least likely location you would expect to get ambushed, that is where Zuka is waiting for you.
Now that you have imagined it, Zuka is waiting somewhere else.
You are 50% more likely to be ambushed by Zuka when you are not wearing pants.
You are 100% more likely to not be wearing pants after you have been ambushed by Zuka.
-
Zuka once licked the most poisonous frog in the world. After two months of the most excrutiating pain you can imagine the frog died.
Zukas apartment is the only place in the universe where there is a lightswitch for the sun if it disturbs him and causes glare on his screen.
The legend of Samson. His secret weapon was his hair that gave him strength. When a woman cut it he lost it. The legend of Zuka. His strength is infinite and if you cut his hair it will grow back double the length, already conditioned and with a blinding shine. Also his strength will tenfold every time he hears the word haircut.
Unknown to peasants if Zuka were to stop laughing, heaven forbid, the carbondioxide level of the world would drop 5%.
Zukas spit is more lubricating than teflon oil and also works as an aphrodisiac to whom he chooses.
-
- There is a button hidden under Zuka's left kidney. If one presses this button on purpose, within a week's time the individual will buy a hat. It won't suit them.
- If you have found Zuka's left kidney, please return it to him safely in a sealed container; he misses is desperately.
- There is no earthly disease that can penetrate Zuka's ubiquitously powerful immune system; the only exception being Boogie Fever for obvious reasons.
- If you stare long and hard enough into the sky at night, you will see patterns in the stars. If you stare long and hard enough into Zuka's eyes, you will lose all recollection of the previous nine days. Your memory will be replaced with an image of Zuka's nose burned into your brain. The image does not fade for four days and nights.
-
Zuka's Squid can destroy whole worlds with a single tap.
The song, 'Ode to Joy' was remorseful ripped off from the original 'Ode to Zuka'.
Christmas, long thought to be a catholic holiday, was actually created originally for the Filthy Peasants to celebrate another consecutive year of not exploding due to sheer proximity to Zuka. The Catholic church perverted this holiday into the christmas which is commonly known now.
-
Before Mr T starred in A-Team he got a cease and desist order from Mr Z due to going to use the word peasant, so he had to come up with another one, which was fool.
Zuka went exploring the galaxy for peasant planets but came back after having destroyed 7 as he had forgot the teakettle on.
A single string of Zukas hair went thru wolverines arm and that spot in his adamantium skeleton is still his secret weak spot.
Ladies that have any kind of dream involving zuka, sauce or related never are the same and feel incomplete before they have heard zuka talk once.
Zukas laughter is the cure for all sickness in the milky way which pharmacists fear because then they would be obsolete.
-
- Zuka once spent two hundred years straight pretending he was Prometheus and tying himself to a rock. Sadly, the eagles could not penetrate Zuka's sauce-strengthened hide and were unable to take his liver even once.
- When Olympian gods and titans fight, Zuka buys popcorn and cola so he can watch from the tops of fluffly clouds.
- The one and only time he tried to Livestream one of these battles, the FBI shut him down. There is now no discernable trace of the FBI ever having existed.
- If Zuka ever found himself on Mount Olympus, all the gods would fall for him - causing them to fight for his favour. The world as we know it would end.
-
"Zuka is the only man alive who has arm wrestled Godzilla and won. This is how Zuka became King of the Monsters."
"When Godzilla marches into Toyko it isn't to destroy it, he's going there because Zuka sent him on an errand to bring back Sake, Sushi, and Geishas."
"When Zuka farts he doesn't blame it on the dog, he blames it on Godzilla."
"The Mothra summoning girls no longer sing the song for Mothra, they sing it for Zuka. Every time they sing their song, Zuka appears before them naked with a bottle of Zukasauce."
-
- Zuka once got bored of standard Physics and invented a large tome of new rules that the universe now obeys unthinkingly and without memory of how things were before.
- The entire reason that observing a probability density function causes its constituent matter to resolve into either a wave-packet component or that of classical matter is not because it is being observed, causing an interaction between large scale classical laws and those contained within the quantum flux plane. It is in fact because Zuka is trolling physicists everywhere to keep them from discovering the recipe for Zukasauce.
- If Physicists ever discovered the recipe for Zukasauce, it would be the duty of the peasantry to have this information expunged and destroyed. If the recipe were ever to fall into mortal hands then the absolute universal peace we now know would end abruptly - causing the Sun to swallow the Earth in order to destroy all evidence of the recipe's discovery. A new Earth would then be forged from bubblegum that Zuka had chewed, and he would once again begin his quest to become benevolent lord over whatever was living on the space-spitball that was created.
-
"zPhone is Zuka's attempt to conquer the cell phone market. It has been a runaway success with 99.9% of females on the planet owning one thanks to it's killer app feature, Zukabrator mode."
"There is no such thing as butt dialing with a zPhone. But there is, Zuka dialing as each zPhone comes with a special Zuka inspired carrying case which amplifies the Zukabrator mode 500x whenever Zuka's phone number is dialed."
"zPhone related injuries are rare but most often take place when a zPhone's battery runs dead. The resulting melee to snatch a passer by's zPhone is the most common situation which results in injury."
"Every time you power up a zPhone, an OS tan version of Zuka greets the user in a variety of sexually explicit positions."
-
- Every year Zuka loads up a squid with Phobos Mine Launchers and makes a bet with Santa Claus as to who can deliver the most presents.
It is thanks to this wager that all of the gifts can be delivered every year. Without the bet, billions of the peasantry would be without their presantry on Christmas morning.
- Santa Claus has given Zuka the official title of Zuka Claus, adopting him as an honorary son for his tireless work.
- The legend of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer was coined after a bystander saw Zuka's squid firing Beacon Flares to light its way through the foggy fjords. As tribute, Zuka ensures to fire red flares on Christmas Eve from the front of his ships.
-
FBI tried to do a profile of Zuka but when they got below the waist they ran out of paper and got a craving for sauce.
While there are still infidels who don't believe in the Almighty Zuka they are just one peasant slap away.
There was a Movie made about Zuka called The Man Of Sauce, but it never saw the light of day, because after ten years of filming the female director kidnapped the final movie and she is still a missing person.
Zuka once played WoW only to do a Zuuuuuuuukaaaa'esrai on some guy called Leroy Jenkins. Leroy is still famous from that.
-
Zuka Moonlights as a TSA Pat-down official, specializing in pat-downs of women. Unfortunately, they never seem to remember it, as the pat-down is very intense.
Those who Kill Zuka's Enemies, and bear the emblem of Zuka on their Ships are 150% More likely to get the Blessing of Zuka, causing them to Perform Zukthanization on the enemies.
-
- If Zuka ever offers you Whiskey, it is a trap and you would be wise to refuse. However, refusal incurs the wrath of the Peasantry, so it is safer to accept.
- Upon receipt of your Whiskey, it is advisable to pour it down a drain or onto a potted plant. However, the Zuka is aware of these happenings and will only endeavour to pour you more.
- The first Whiskey is usually not poisoned.
- After consuming a Whiskey, you will begin to feel intensely light-headed.
[Begin Internal Monologue]
*Of course, the first one you decide to drink had to be poisoned. Now look at you, you're a real nincompoop. Now what are you going to do? Accept the next one?*
"Yes please."
*Why did you go and do that? Now you're doomed to fall under his spell! Why aren't you listening to me?!*
"I feel woozy."
*I told you not to accept the Whiskey! This is it now - be prepared to forget the last nine days!*
-
"When Zuka was a child he was lost while on safari. He emerged from the jungle a decade later with an tribe of pygmy amazon women. They were all named Tina and would kill for crumpets."
"Television networks quickly hounded young Zuka for his survival story. Zuka replied,"I will not divulge the secret location of my sauce factory to mere peasants!!"
"Step 1 of Zuka's conquest of all TV networks began when he told his pygmy army that news anchors are part of a global conspiracy to hoard all the crumpets."
"Step 2 began when they took over London."
"Step 3 began when the pygmies started harvesting humans to toil in Zuka's underground crumpet caves."
"Step 4...Zuka taught them how to say "Wrex" and "Shepard. Zuka's giggles ended the crumpet wars and brought temporary peace to the world."
"People are still searching for those lost in the crumpet caves. Zuka's only reply,"Rumors of a Crumpet monster lurking in the caves are just rumors with no proof. None of the crumpets that were exposed to green ooze ever gained sentience beyond that of a teenage turtle!"
-
- Zuka was once imprisoned in the containment field of http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-173 (http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-173) as a publicity stunt to showcase his invulnerability. Three days (and a lot of funny noises) later, personnel checked on them. The room now contained a lot of half-eaten takeaway food, a TV, a bed and a lot of baby 173s. This caused major confusion. 173 has no recollection of the event and so now believes the children to be the product of interaction with http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-038 (http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-038)
- It has been suggested that Zuka is in fact http://www.scp-wiki.net/proposals-for-scp-001 (http://www.scp-wiki.net/proposals-for-scp-001). There is no verifiable documented data on this entity. It is proposed that he was discovered and supposedly contained due to his incredible powers and overwhelming potency of sauce. It is also suggested that he escaped using means known only to Zuka. He now roams free performing deeds of grandeur and greatness with his followers and the Peasantry to laud his glorious name.
-
- If zuka gets children it will only be 1 boy brought on earth with the name "Zuka Jr."
-
The Akuz Tavern in Nalm is the Only Place you'll find authentic Zuka-Certified ZukaSauce.
Unfortunately said tavern is usually sold out, and Backlogged with a list of atleast 100 anime girls.
Zuka Approves and implemented this sauce limit purposely.
-
https://www.dropbox.com/s/mfqr2s0hjhfhak8/Zuka%20Poem.mp3
-
https://www.dropbox.com/s/mfqr2s0hjhfhak8/Zuka%20Poem.mp3
(http://img.pandawhale.com/64695-Ill-be-in-my-bunk-firefly-niUO.jpeg)
-
"In the early days of GOIO dev, Muse invited Zuka to test a prototype experimental harmonic vibrator gun. It was quickly scrapped after Zuka's personal sound effects garnered the game an AO rating."
"Unbeknownst to Muse, Zuka smuggled out the prototype code for the weapon. This later became the Zbrator mode on the zPhone."
"Zuka keeps a lifesize fully functional vibrator gun at his castle for parties, or when the peasantry runs out of sauce."
"Insurance companies refuse to insure Zuka's residences anymore as all have since been vibrated apart after parties. Zuka claims earthquakes but miraculously the vibrator gun is never listed on any claims reports."
-
Every dirty peasant in the world thinks of Zuka as their Senpai. However, Zuka does not think of them as a legion of Kohai. In fact, he doesn't even notice them except for on the rare occasion that one proves themselves worth of being Zuka'd.
As one peasant famously exclaimed,
"Zuka-Senpai... Notice Me!!!!!!!1!1!!!!!"
Zuka, however did not take notice.
-
"Zuka doesn't earn frequent flyer miles, he gives out frequent Zuka miles. Because it is always better to Zuka than to receive."
"Flight attendants can cash in their frequent Zuka miles for the exclusive Zuka High Club."
"Zuka never flies first class, he flies Zuka Class, also known as private party on a plane class."
"It takes 1 million Zuka miles to upgrade to Zuka Class."
"At 10 million Zuka miles you are upgraded to Zukanaut membership and your picture will be placed in the Zuka High Club for Zuka to wink fondly at."
-
Zuka's name is reflected in the spanish word for sugar, El Azucar. The 'zuca' in the word is a distorted version of 'Zuka', thus, the original word was "El Azukar". It is currently unknown why Zuka's name was placed in the spanish word for sugar, but it is theorized that it has something to do with paying Homage to Zuka, and probably some kind of awkward sugar ritual performed in Spain when sugar was grown on Spanish plantations in the new world. Zuka, to the locals, was the local god of Fertility, and sugar was believed to be a 'Miracle substance' when it was new to the old world, promoting fertility, vigor, social extremism, and the like, and the spanish also thought the term, which the locals used to refer to sugar, sounded nice, so they slapped on an 'El' to the front, and then it gradually devolved from "Zuka" to "Zuca".
When Zuka is feeling Gracious, the peasants are rewarded with a Blood moon and some lunar eclipses, or if they are lucky, a set of four blood moons, a tetrad. Blood moons have been associated with the Occult, but in reality, it is a sign of impending fertility amongst the animals, such as wolves, which is why one sees more wolves out during blood moons.
-
"There is not always room for improvement, but there is always room for more Zuka."
-
From signs on Zuka's property:
"Trespassers will be sauced, then Zuka'd, and then sauced again. Women trespassers...get extra sauce."
-
"Comic-Con was modeled after the last party at Zuka's house. It would be called Zuka Con but that name was already taken by Japan."
"At Zuka Con, there are Zuka Cafes and local idols singing various drunken Zuka show tunes. Anyone that cosplays as Zuka gets free booze and sauce!"
"Interest in Zuka related Doujinshi has risen 500% since Zuka Con's founding."
"Guests to Zuka Con are eligible to spend the night in a Zuka themed love hotel where every room has a picture of Zuka above the bed."
"Japan's low birthrate problem was officially solved the first year Zuka Con was held."
-
"Zuka opened an institution of higher learning once called Zukavard. It's only graduate: Zapp Brannigan."
"Zapp Brannigan only attended classes for one day. His understanding of all things Zuka were beyond that of any mere human. He was instantly graduated and granted "non-peasant," status by the great Zuka."
"Zukavard didn't close, it was overrun by a series of house parties which spilled over onto the campus and made the area a toxic waste site after drunk students tried to artificially brew Zukasauce."
"Zukavard parties are currently only 10% contained as responders who come to contain the parties end up falling under the influence of the sauce fumes."
-
* Pompeii was not burred by the volcanic eruption of Mt Vesuvius but rather a different eruption after Zuka held one of his famous orgies.
* All major seismic and volcanic activity recorded around the world is a side effect of Zuka parties.
* There is a sign on the dark side of the moon saying "If the planet is a rocken don't come a knocken."
* All alien abduction and probings are an attempt by interstellar species to understand Zuka's potency.
* Interstellar law prohibits any attempt to abduct Zuka. If he were to find out other civilizations existed among the stars he would Zuka them all.
* SETI will never find signs of extra terrestrial life because the universe enacted a radio blackout when they discovered what Zuka was capable of.
-
"The Lord of the Rings was actually inspired by the childhood story of Zuka returning and overdue library book."
"Zuka was forced to return it after inciting a nudist riot on campus as he tried to turn the school into one big amazon jungle tribe."
"In 30 minutes Zuka had already amassed a partial harem, half of them teachers."
"There is a secret lost episode of Reading Rainbow where Zuka guest stars. It was deemed too saucy for TV and is currently used to encourage illiterate adults that it is never to late to learn how to Zuka...I mean, read."
"Zuka's Reading Rainbow episode later went on to become a teaching aide in Health classrooms in 49 states. Due to frequent appearances at local high schools, it was not deemed necessary in Zuka's home state."
-
"It is rumored Zuka plans to run for president in the future. When questioned which party he would run under Zuka replied,"You sir are a pervert. I don't ride Donkeys or Elephants like that...unless they're cute, which they're not! Those two are not worthy of my sauce!!"
"Zuka's first act as president: Amending state names....Zukabama, Zuklaska, Zukazona, Zukansas, Zukafornia, Zukarado, Connetizuka, Delazuka, Zukida, Zukeorgia, Zukwaii, Zukaho, Zukanois, Zukdiana, Zukawa, Zuksas, Zuktucky, Zukiana, Zukaine, Zukaland, Zukachussetts, Michizuka, Minnezuka, Zukissippi, Zukouri, Zuktana, Zukbraska, Zukavada, New Zukashire, New Zuksey, New Zukico, New Zukork, North Zukalina, North Zukota, Zukio, Zuklahoma, Orezuka, Zukavania, Rhode Zuka, South Zukalina, South Zukota, Zukessee, Zukexas, Zuktah, Zukamont, Zukginia, Zukington, West Zukginia, Zukconsin, Zukyoming."
-
"A supernova is when a massive star explodes leaving behind a white dwarf or a black hole and sometimes spawns a nebula which brings forth new life as new stars are born. A Zukanova is when Zuka farts in the tub."
"There is a theory that the entire universe is the result of a single massive Zukanova."
"There is another theory that proposes the idea that dark matter is actually Zukasauce leftover from the great Big Zukanova."
"Zuka doesn't answer questions about the Zukanova. He's too bashful to admit it actually happened."
-
"Early Alpha versions of matchmaking was actually called "Matchzukaing." The name was changed after testers developed an unhealthy taste for sauce and Muse devs invented the Zuka Class which made it impossible for pilots, engineers, and gunners to ever get into a match."
"Zuka Class officially was scrapped but it is still secretly in development with Muse funneling millions of gallons of Zukasauce into it. They are determined to balance it and give all classes a reason to exist. They forget the laws of Zukadynamics!"
"One does not balance Zuka, he balances you. Then you become one with the Zuka, all is saucy bliss." - From the Laws of Zukadynamics
-
The Zuka Sauce Factory was shut down this year when government officials discovered the secret ingredient was Zuka.
-
The Zuka Sauce Factory was shut down this year when government officials discovered the secret ingredient was Zuka.
(https://38.media.tumblr.com/380c78c8ec58ecab98c3a57149b0d617/tumblr_nctz81o3ME1r3rdh2o1_500.gif)
-
"If two Zukas are in equilibrium with a third Zuka, you have reached the point of Thermal Zukalibrium and Zukasauce production can occur. Zuka is the only being in existence able to do this by himself." -A law of Zukadynamics
"Zuka once attempted to attain Zukalibrium with others. The end result was the very first Creepy Zukadoll."
"Many years ago there was an uncomfirmed report of an emergency recall of Creepy Zukadolls after they were placed together in a toy store and ended up attempting Zukalibrium. Studios deny it but if you play the Toy Story movies backwards you get to see the original security footage of the attempted doll Zukalibrium."
"Rumor has it that had the doll Zukalibrium not been stopped, it would have caused a mass extinction event and Creepy Zukadolls would have become the dominant life on the planet."
-
"Besides Creepy Zukadolls, Zuka also developed a line of Tickle-Me-Zuka dolls. The only tickle-me doll that would actually tickle back, and more!"
"Tickle-Me-Zuka dolls were surprisingly popular among adults with female consumers generating a 500% increase in sales each year until the doll was discontinued."
"Zuka discontinued the Tickle-Me-Zuka when he realized the dolls became self aware and were attempting to overthrow Zuka's harem."
"Most Tickle-Me-Zukas were confiscated and scrapped, however some escaped into the backwoods behind Zuka's house and since then, sightings have popped up in rural areas all across the nation."
"They say if you're camping in the woods and you hear a girlish giggle echo from the shadows, its already too late. Pray you have Zukasauce."
-
"Rival studios in the 90s, looking to capitalize on the TMNT fame, started developing for new ideas to dethrone the turtles. One of them was Teenage Mutant Ninja Zukas. However the project was shelved after Zuka insisted Zukanardo's catch phrase be,"Hey you wanna see the secret of my ooze?"
"Unfortunately the project could not be halted long as Zuka already developed a line of feminine hygiene products around the ooze."
"TMNZ, despite loads of hype and branding, sadly never could get into full production. Zuka's demands were just too great for writers and directors and Zuka was often seen chasing interns through the sets with hygiene products."
"Hope for TMNZ has not been lost as Zuka has recently released a new line of animatronic talking hygiene products. Modeled in his likeness. They are programed to ask the user if they want his ooze and giggle whenever left alone in the dark for too long."
-
Michael Bay was approached about rebooting the TMNZ franchise however contract negotiations fell through when Zuka insisted that Zuka sauce be used instead of gasoline for Michael Bay's trade mark fire balls. While Zuka was capable of furnishing enough Zuka Sauce the International War Crimes Tribunal stepped in and indicated atomized Zuka Sauce is a more powerful chemical weapon than Mustard gas.
Megan Fox went missing after her first reading of her script. Creepy Zuka dolls are suspected of being involved.
-
* The Minotaur was the result of a failed experiment to weaponize Zuka's pelvic thrusts.
* An algorithm designed by Zuka was used in an early version of match making, however too many players ended up leaving the game having found their soul mates through Zuka's algorithm.
* Zuka's soul is so great that it can mate with ten other souls at once, usually leaving the other souls exhausted but satisfied.
* Zuka can unbalance a match from the spectator slot.
* Zuka's can't use Match Making since his Match Making Rank is "Divide by Zero Error."
-
This isn't quite related, but...
ZUKA. The Hwacha is on fire. AGAIN. FIX IT.
(Reference to a match where we crewed together on a Spire.)
-
Zuka was just too hot for that Hwacha. :P
*No gun is good enough for Zuka.
*Minotaur, created to mimic Zuka's pelvic motion, came close. But when Zuka got on the Minotaur, the synergy violated the virgin fabric of the universe. Muse had to nerf the Minotaur.
-
So is Zuka kinda like some sort of sexual tyrannosaurus, or...?
-
So is Zuka kinda like some sort of sexual tyrannosaurus, or...?
I believe.
Like me.Just saying that because it's a fun name
-
>:( Stop Corrupting the Codex of Zuka with questions! >:(
*Zuka is the only being that cannot be swallowed by kirby.
*If kirby somehow managed to swallow Zuka, every game made by Nintendo will receive an R-rating due to association.
*Zuka was to make a guest appearance in Smash Brothers, but the idea was pulled back for the "sake of the children".
*Zuka has yet to meet Indreams. If Zuka met Indreams, Indreams' nights will be filled with euphoric, debauched nightmares.
-
I REJECT MY PREVIOUS STATEMENT
ZUKA IS NOT A SEXUAL TYRANNOSAURUS
THE SEXUAL TYRANNOSAURUS IS ZUKA
-
That is the spirit.
Zuka is the correct answer to the riddle:
What walks on 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the afternoon and 3 legs in the evening?
Zuka walks on 4 legs in the morning because he is recovering from last night's drunken debauchery, 2 legs in the afternoon because the Zuka is a Sexual Tyranosarus, and he grows a 3rd leg in the evening which is not a cane or tale, if you know what I am saying.
-
*Zuka was a Luxury Resource in Civ 5 Beta.
*Every empire that had Zuka would have +1000 happiness and an eternal golden age.
*Every empire that did not have Zuka would have -1000 happiness and every city would revolt.
*Zuka was eventually removed from the game.
*But Zuka returned in the God & Kings expansion. If you name your religion Zuka, you will receive the message: "(City-State) wants Zuka".
-
"A taiga drama about Zuka's life was in development in Japan. Unfortunately live action actors couldn't portray Zuka well enough and the script was too ecchi even for Japan. It has since been handed over to Toho who is working on implementing it into the next Godzilla movie."
"The Zukazilla movie will be released in 2017 and is allegedly about Godzilla visiting Japan to see Zuka, a love therapist. In fact, he was actually invited to be co-author of the script. Who then turned it into a sexy rom com."
"Godzilla's love interest is apparently the actress from Pacific Rim, Rinko Kikuchi, and Zuka uses all his vast romance knowledge and sauce to help the two get together amidst the burning ruins of Tokyo."
"When first approached with the role, Rinko Kikuchi read the script and said .."No way is Godzilla's *explicitive* going to fit in there!" Zuka is later reported as saying,"Apparently Kikuchi san underestimates the power of my sauce!"
-
* Zuka needed to rehydrate after over exerting himself during a planet wide orgy. The result was the desert planet Arakis from Dune.
* The Psychoactive Spice Melange is really dried Zuka Sauce.
* After Zuka left the planet Arakis' wildlife rapidly evolved the sand worms to make up for the vast ecological niche left by Zuka's absence.
* Zuka was the first Kwisatz Haderach, which explains the Bene Geserit Order's interest in duplicating him.
* Before Zuka the Padash Emperor is nothing but a filthy peasant.
* The Zuka was made an honorary member of both the Sardukar and Fediken, but has yet to attend either ceremony because in his words: "It sounds like a sausage fest to me."
* Salusa Secundus was initially an asylum planet where people who stared too long at their creepy Zuka dolls were put.
* Zuka was the original author of the rules of Kanly. He stated if his decedents were going to bicker they might as do it in a manner that he finds amusing.
-
It has been too long since we updated this and I fear a generation of GOI players may have come and gone without knowing Zuka. I weep for them as I would weep for all who go through life ignorant to the sublime highs and depraved lows association with Zuka will provide.
*Zuka can fly harder, reload faster, and reach more components faster than any other pilot/gunner/engie because even the Guns of Icarus software recognizes it is impossible for Zuka to run out of stamina.
* Zuka has sworn never to use his powers for evil.
* Zuka's concept of good and evil differs greatly from the views held by mortal men.
* Wealthy young men wear golden chains with stylized Z's as a way of signaling wealth and sexual potency to the opposite sex.
* This fashion trend has resulted in precisely one man getting laid, and that man is Zuka.
* There is no substitute for Zuka, however there is always enough Zuka to go around.
* In most legal text it is not illegal to be Zuka, however in the Book of Zuka it is illegal not to be Zuka.
* The punishment for not being Zuka is a firm spanking followed by a gallon of Zuka Sauce being slowly poured over the offender.
* Legal scholars have "debated" the Book of Zuka as a legal text for years, the results were more debauched than spring break in Tijuana.
* "Debating the Book of Zuka" has surpassed the wet tee-shirt contests as the preferred act of sexual exhibitionism among horny collage kids.
-
*In the 80s Zuka was briefly part of a big hair band and was known as Zuka Bon Zuvi. There was one concert, it never ended. Zuka's hair became self aware and continues the song of Zuka perpetually.