The Codex of Zuka

[Squidslinger Gilder]

The jokes around Zuka'Esrai's matches aside, lot of us have sorta spawned legends of Zuka dolls and steak sauce. So building upon that I bring you something you can all participate in. The Codex of Zuka. They can be silly, off the wall, or stupid. Either way folks keep asking me for new codex entries and I'm not a machine so...lets hear some of yours!

I'll start off with...

From the codex of Zuka:

"Zukaflinging is an an Olympic approved sport involving lumberjacks and Zuka. There are no winners or losers, only those that get Zuka'd!"
"Moonshine may get you there fast, but Zukashine will get you there Zukafast!"
"Zuka doesn't just crew airships, they become part of Zuka."
"Airships aren't constructed, they're Zuka'd from Zukamidion rams."
"Zuka hand stitches every Zuka doll...because he cares"
"Valentines day may be for chocolate but Zukatines day is for Zuka Steak Sauce!!"
"Zuka doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he drinks Dos Zuka"
"Zuka can stack teams with all AI due to his aura of Zukaness"
"The aura of Zukaness turns mice into men, noobs into leets, and can serve as a floatation device in case of water landings."
"Zuka doesn't get mad, he gets ZUKZILLAAAAAAA!!!!"

[HamsterIV]

"Zuka once found a way to shoot the ancient cannon on Anglean Raiders, there were no survivors."
"Zukadolls once were used in a fertility ritual, the resulting children were deemed OP and the practice was discontinued."
"Top notch food critics can not tell the difference between old shoe leather covered in Zuka Steak Sauce and filet mignon covered in the leading brand."
"The Zukascope will show you only the truth. Unfortunately that truth is that Zuka will find you and kill you."
"Zuka once used the bayonet at the end of the Pyramidion's bowsprit to preform delicate surgery on a sky whale."

[Squidslinger Gilder]

"The Zukascope is made out of 90% recycled materials, and 10% recycled Zuka"
"When Zuka mans guns he brings his own ammo type. Enemies who survive scream in horror at the sound of, ZUKA ZUKA ZUKA ZUKA ZUKA ZUKA!!!"
"Zuka doesn't capture points, he lures the points to him with an open bottle of Zukasauce."

[HamsterIV]

"A Zukanaut is any one brave enough to navigate the inner workings of Zuka's mind"
"When four or more guns on a ship are being simultaneously manned and fired by Zuka it is called a Zukafecta"
"The phrase 'Pulling a Zuka' has over 9000 different meanings, all of them are awesome"

[Squidslinger Gilder]

"Zuka can barrel roll a Galleon with one finger"
"Women love the smell of Zukcess! You can have yours too for 10 easy payments of $19.99!"
"Zuka invented his own language, but only those who have been Zuka'd can learn it"
"Zuka's armor never goes down because bullets are naturally repelled by his aura of Zukaness."
"Zuka can snipe with a carronade."
"Zuka doesn't train newbies...he Zukas them"

[HamsterIV]

"Apple made the iZuka, it did everything you wanted it to but no body could figure out how or why"
"Children sleep with teddy bears to keep them safe from monsters, Monsters sleep with Zukadolls to keep them safe from Zuka"
"Axe body spray commercials are exerts from a documentary on secret government testing done with Zukamones (Zuka pheromones)"
"Zuka flame burns hot enough to melt titanium and is referred to as the most beautiful thing in the universe by those who have survived"

[Squidslinger Gilder]

You got a lot of good ones Hamster

"When Zuka slices onions the onions cry"
"Zukgyver mode is when Zuka builds airships out of paper clips and chewing gum. In this mode he has also been known to shoot down enemy ships with a straw, a drop of Zukasauce, and spitwads"
"Zuka can time travel at 88mph without a flux capacitor"
"The speed of light is only .0000000000001% the speed of Zukafast"
"Zuka can make the kessel run in 1 parsec, going backwards, while blindfolded"

[N-Sunderland]

A parsec is a measurement of distance, not time. George Lucas should have known better.

[HamsterIV]

Perhaps parsec was the total distance traveled, and lesser captains take a more circuitous rout to avoid patrols. Back to making up crap about Zuka.

"The Zukafaction is composed of people who have been Zukaed and for some reason enjoyed it"
"Zuka sauce has been FDA approved for the treatment of liver disease"
"A grilled cheese sandwich with the likeness of Zuka is preserved in the Vatican as a religious relic"
"A full 1/3 of the Z section of the dictionary is dedicated to Zuka and various Zukarelated language"
"The Zukanary is 100% dedicated to Zuka and various Zukarelated language"

[Squidslinger Gilder]

"Zuka can lose spots without hiding in water hazard"
"The Zuka Cannon has only been fired once, the aftermath created the Zukamuda Triangle"
"Children of Zuka's foes don't tell ghost stories around campfires, they tell Zuka stories"
"Zuka doesn't ever have to shave, his stubble is afraid to grow"
"Zuka can make a rafts out of Sky Whales and chest hair"

[The Churrosaur]

I have guided the zuka to this page, prepare.

[Zuka'Esrai]

Alcohol is the fuel of Zuka, spreading his love across the skies! Come listen to these tales, straight from sauce of love! 110% Zuka approved!

Oh and hello gentlemen. I say, Jolly good show!

[HamsterIV]

"The Zukasaurus Rex is the only dinosaur to survive the Mass extinction at the end of the Cretaceous Period."
"The Zukasaurus Rex was the cause of the Mass extinction at the end of the Cretaceous Period, once it discovered Zukasauce there was no stopping it."
"Zuka keeps a pet Zukasaurus Rex which he rides during parades and other formal occasions. Below is an artist's rendition:"

"Zukalings and Zukalisks were originally going to be included in the Zerg Starcraft expansion 'Wrath of the Zuka,' They had to be removed to keep the teen rating. A more family friendly Kerrigan was developed in their place."
"Before a battle new recruits of the Order of Chaladon are told to 'Close your eyes and think of Zuka.' Veterans think of Zuka with their eyes open, of course."
"Zuka has a 105% accuracy with a lumber jack, the 5% comes from hitting two targets with the same shot on multiple occasions."
"Every shot fired from Zuka's guns contains the gift of love, cherish it."
"Zukasauce is the only known condiment that can compliment Japanese, French, and Mexican cuisine."

[Squidslinger Gilder]

lol I don't even know if I want to ask where you got that picture

"Zukanime is a form of animated entertainment where Zuka's likeness is used for every character and Zuka voices every character"
"Zuka can dance with wolves in the pale moonlight"
"The T-virus was actually invented by Zuka in his attempt to make a hot sauce that would wake the dead. *Zuka is not responsible for lost or eaten family members*"
"Zuka's enemies don't have flashbacks when they are about to die. They have Zukabacks where Zuka's awesomeness overwrites every memory of their lives"

[HamsterIV]

* CS Lewis changed his children's masterpiece "The Zuka, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" to "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" after he realized the Jesus analog was a bit to heavy handed in the first version.
* ABC tried to air "Touched by a Zuka" but all the actors and most of the crew (including the men) became pregnant after the pilot.
* Meteorologists refuse to name any tropical storm "Hurricane Zuka" because Zuka doesn't loose energy when he makes land fall.
* Astronomers have named the eternal storm on Jupiter "Hurricane Zuka" for obvious reasons.
* Zuka once deflect an asteroid that was about to wipe out all life on earth with his winning smile and a well timed pelvic thrust.
* One wall of young Clark Kent's (Superman) room was covered in pictures of Zuka.
* The green lantern core gave a power ring to Zuka, but took it back because he only used it to make enormous phallices.
* Zuka's testicles are so massive they form their own gravitational field. Ladies are not just figuratively drawn to Zuka they are literally drawn to him as well.

Edit: the Image is from the comic Axe Cop. It is a commic "written" by a five year old, and illustrated by a 29 year old.
http://axecop.com/