Author Topic: The Codex of Zuka  (Read 20252 times)

Offline HamsterIV

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Re: The Codex of Zuka
« Reply #120 on: April 07, 2015, 12:13:53 pm »
That is the spirit.

Zuka is the correct answer to the riddle:
What walks on 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the afternoon and 3 legs in the evening?

Zuka walks on 4 legs in the morning because he is recovering from last night's drunken debauchery, 2 legs in the afternoon because the Zuka is a Sexual Tyranosarus, and he grows a 3rd leg in the evening which is not a cane or tale, if you know what I am saying.

Offline Indreams

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Re: The Codex of Zuka
« Reply #121 on: April 08, 2015, 06:59:01 pm »
*Zuka was a Luxury Resource in Civ 5 Beta.
*Every empire that had Zuka would have +1000 happiness and an eternal golden age.
*Every empire that did not have Zuka would have -1000 happiness and every city would revolt.
*Zuka was eventually removed from the game.
*But Zuka returned in the God & Kings expansion. If you name your religion Zuka, you will receive the message: "(City-State) wants Zuka".

Offline Squidslinger Gilder

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Re: The Codex of Zuka
« Reply #122 on: April 10, 2015, 05:32:48 pm »
"A taiga drama about Zuka's life was in development in Japan. Unfortunately live action actors couldn't portray Zuka well enough and the script was too ecchi even for Japan. It has since been handed over to Toho who is working on implementing it into the next Godzilla movie."
"The Zukazilla movie will be released in 2017 and is allegedly about Godzilla visiting Japan to see Zuka, a love therapist. In fact, he was actually invited to be co-author of the script. Who then turned it into a sexy rom com."
"Godzilla's love interest is apparently the actress from Pacific Rim, Rinko Kikuchi, and Zuka uses all his vast romance knowledge and sauce to help the two get together amidst the burning ruins of Tokyo."
"When first approached with the role, Rinko Kikuchi read the script and said .."No way is Godzilla's *explicitive* going to fit in there!" Zuka is later reported as saying,"Apparently Kikuchi san underestimates the power of my sauce!"
« Last Edit: April 10, 2015, 05:34:57 pm by Gilder Unfettered »

Offline HamsterIV

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Re: The Codex of Zuka
« Reply #123 on: July 29, 2015, 01:48:14 pm »
* Zuka needed to rehydrate after over exerting himself during a planet wide orgy. The result was the desert planet Arakis from Dune.
* The Psychoactive Spice Melange is really dried Zuka Sauce.
* After Zuka left the planet Arakis' wildlife rapidly evolved the sand worms to make up for the vast ecological niche left by Zuka's absence.
* Zuka was the first Kwisatz Haderach, which explains the Bene Geserit Order's interest in duplicating him.
* Before Zuka the Padash Emperor is nothing but a filthy peasant.
* The Zuka was made an honorary member of both the Sardukar and Fediken, but has yet to attend either ceremony because in his words: "It sounds like a sausage fest to me."
* Salusa Secundus was initially an asylum planet where people who stared too long at their creepy Zuka dolls were put.
* Zuka was the original author of the rules of Kanly. He stated if his decedents were going to bicker they might as do it in a manner that he finds amusing.

Offline HamsterIV

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Re: The Codex of Zuka
« Reply #124 on: March 05, 2018, 02:32:14 pm »
It has been too long since we updated this and I fear a generation of GOI players may have come and gone without knowing Zuka. I weep for them as I would weep for all who go through life ignorant to the sublime highs and depraved lows association with Zuka will provide.

*Zuka can fly harder, reload faster, and reach more components faster than any other pilot/gunner/engie because even the Guns of Icarus software recognizes it is impossible for Zuka to run out of stamina.
* Zuka has sworn never to use his powers for evil.
* Zuka's concept of good and evil differs greatly from the views held by mortal men.
* Wealthy young men wear golden chains with stylized Z's as a way of signaling wealth and sexual potency to the opposite sex.
* This fashion trend has resulted in precisely one man getting laid, and that man is Zuka.
* There is no substitute for Zuka, however there is always enough Zuka to go around.
* In most legal text it is not illegal to be Zuka, however in the Book of Zuka it is illegal not to be Zuka.
* The punishment for not being Zuka is a firm spanking followed by a gallon of Zuka Sauce being slowly poured over the offender.
* Legal scholars have "debated" the Book of Zuka as a legal text for years, the results were more debauched than spring break in Tijuana.
* "Debating the Book of Zuka" has surpassed the wet tee-shirt contests as the preferred act of sexual exhibitionism among horny collage kids.

Offline Squidslinger Gilder

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Re: The Codex of Zuka
« Reply #125 on: March 08, 2018, 04:53:24 am »
*In the 80s Zuka was briefly part of a big hair band and was known as Zuka Bon Zuvi. There was one concert, it never ended. Zuka's hair became self aware and continues the song of Zuka perpetually.