Off-Topic > The Lounge
The Codex of Zuka
zlater75@hotmail.com:
FBI tried to do a profile of Zuka but when they got below the waist they ran out of paper and got a craving for sauce.
While there are still infidels who don't believe in the Almighty Zuka they are just one peasant slap away.
There was a Movie made about Zuka called The Man Of Sauce, but it never saw the light of day, because after ten years of filming the female director kidnapped the final movie and she is still a missing person.
Zuka once played WoW only to do a Zuuuuuuuukaaaa'esrai on some guy called Leroy Jenkins. Leroy is still famous from that.
macmacnick:
Zuka Moonlights as a TSA Pat-down official, specializing in pat-downs of women. Unfortunately, they never seem to remember it, as the pat-down is very intense.
Those who Kill Zuka's Enemies, and bear the emblem of Zuka on their Ships are 150% More likely to get the Blessing of Zuka, causing them to Perform Zukthanization on the enemies.
Mod Josie:
- If Zuka ever offers you Whiskey, it is a trap and you would be wise to refuse. However, refusal incurs the wrath of the Peasantry, so it is safer to accept.
- Upon receipt of your Whiskey, it is advisable to pour it down a drain or onto a potted plant. However, the Zuka is aware of these happenings and will only endeavour to pour you more.
- The first Whiskey is usually not poisoned.
- After consuming a Whiskey, you will begin to feel intensely light-headed.
[Begin Internal Monologue]
*Of course, the first one you decide to drink had to be poisoned. Now look at you, you're a real nincompoop. Now what are you going to do? Accept the next one?*
"Yes please."
*Why did you go and do that? Now you're doomed to fall under his spell! Why aren't you listening to me?!*
"I feel woozy."
*I told you not to accept the Whiskey! This is it now - be prepared to forget the last nine days!*
Squidslinger Gilder:
"When Zuka was a child he was lost while on safari. He emerged from the jungle a decade later with an tribe of pygmy amazon women. They were all named Tina and would kill for crumpets."
"Television networks quickly hounded young Zuka for his survival story. Zuka replied,"I will not divulge the secret location of my sauce factory to mere peasants!!"
"Step 1 of Zuka's conquest of all TV networks began when he told his pygmy army that news anchors are part of a global conspiracy to hoard all the crumpets."
"Step 2 began when they took over London."
"Step 3 began when the pygmies started harvesting humans to toil in Zuka's underground crumpet caves."
"Step 4...Zuka taught them how to say "Wrex" and "Shepard. Zuka's giggles ended the crumpet wars and brought temporary peace to the world."
"People are still searching for those lost in the crumpet caves. Zuka's only reply,"Rumors of a Crumpet monster lurking in the caves are just rumors with no proof. None of the crumpets that were exposed to green ooze ever gained sentience beyond that of a teenage turtle!"
Mod Josie:
- Zuka was once imprisoned in the containment field of http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-173 as a publicity stunt to showcase his invulnerability. Three days (and a lot of funny noises) later, personnel checked on them. The room now contained a lot of half-eaten takeaway food, a TV, a bed and a lot of baby 173s. This caused major confusion. 173 has no recollection of the event and so now believes the children to be the product of interaction with http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-038
- It has been suggested that Zuka is in fact http://www.scp-wiki.net/proposals-for-scp-001. There is no verifiable documented data on this entity. It is proposed that he was discovered and supposedly contained due to his incredible powers and overwhelming potency of sauce. It is also suggested that he escaped using means known only to Zuka. He now roams free performing deeds of grandeur and greatness with his followers and the Peasantry to laud his glorious name.
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version