Off-Topic > The Lounge
The Codex of Zuka
HamsterIV:
* An advertizing firm came up with the slogan "There is a little Zuka in all of us." They pulled it after 8 days when they realized Zuka took it too literally.
* There was a little Zuka in all of them after the first day, it took 7 more days before anyone could form a coherent sentence.
* It is impossible to play "Hide and Seek" with Zuka, he knows where you are and what you are doing at all times.
* Dirty Peasants play the game "Zuka Says" because it feels so nattural for them to obey Zuka. Who is this Simon guy anyway?
* Zuka was the first man to break the sound barrier and survive, unfortunately any one who witnessed the event was not so lucky.
* During the cold war Russia tried to synthesize weapons grade Zuka Sauce. Their failed experiments gave rise to the soviet space program.
Squidslinger Gilder:
"Aliens once tried to abduct Zuka. Their plans for invasion were foiled by the Zukaprobe"
"Zuka is currently the father of a dozen civilizations throughout the galaxy thanks to the Zukaprobe"
"The Zukaprobe has been categorized as a Death Star grade weapon among alien governments who have attempted to cover up all knowledge of Zuka's existence"
"Truths about the Zukaprobe have led to a mass exodus of the female population from Tau VII solar system. The solar system was later renamed Zukaland"
Squidslinger Gilder:
"Zuka can fire all 5 guns on a Mobula at once, he also can repair the balloon and the hull at the same time"
"Zukamines have a magnetic attraction to enemy female captains who in turn find Zukamines sexy"
"For male captains Zukamines just shout insults till the man rages into one and kills himself"
"Zukapolo was banned as an Olympic sport after female athletes complained of unexplained pregnancies"
HamsterIV:
* Since the new mass thrust system was implemented any ship with Zuka on it accelerates a little slower due to the immense weight of Zuka's balls.
* There is a secret pilot tool called "Zuka Sauce" which will increase engine performance without damaging the engines.
* The smoke resulting from putting Zuka Sauce in your engines renders everything it touches delicious.
* Covering an enemy ship in Zuka Sauce Smoke is considered a war crime as it has caused crew memberss to cannibalize themselves.
* When Zuka rams with the Mobula he uses the eagle heads to pull the engines off the victim ship.
* 90% of all Zuka rams are stern rams.
* Zuka does pelvic thrusts during ramming actions because it increases the damage and decreases enemy morale.
Squidslinger Gilder:
"Zukabagging is when Zuka teabags an enemy warship with his girth. During the process Vakari jumps down onto the ship and Vakaribags every crew member"
"Zukapedoes have a 100% chance of finding the exhaust port no matter how small it is"
"Zuka is currently wanted in Chaladon lands on 4 counts. 2 for indecent exposure, 1 for public drunkeness, and 1 for impersonating a female officer...whom Zuka had a fling with after earlier indecent exposure and put on her clothes instead of his the next day. Zuka would have gotten away free but he refused to give back her underwear saying,"DON'T BOTHER ME WHILE I'M MAKING ZUKASAUCE!!""
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