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The Codex of Zuka
HamsterIV:
* When the authorities pull Zuka over they count themselves lucky if Zuka lets them off with a warning.
* When Zuka goes crowd surfing he does so standing up.
* Zuka once defeated a galleon in single combat with nothing but a hand thrown harpoon, and a giant peach held aloft by seagulls.
* Zuka doesn't need xray glasses as is piercing gaze is enough to cause anyone he wants to disrobe.
* If allowed to spin freely Zuka will eventually point towards magnetic north.
* Every day magnetic north moves three inches closer to Zuka.
Squidslinger Gilder:
"Patients on suicide watch have a 100% recovery after watching the film, Its a Wonderful Zuka"
"Zuka was originally cast for the role of the Predator in Predator. On the first day of filming he was fired after actors complained of Zuka covering them in Zukasauce and giggiling sinisterly. He was quoted as saying: "What? They're going to be skinned and made food anyways! Might as well make them taste good!!""
"Hull covered with sky barnacles? Spread a little Zukasauce on the hull of the ship near you and watch how fast they spread to that hull instead!! And better yet, it can't be traced back to you later!!"
"The face on the Japanese Creepy Woody doll was designed after Zuka had too much Sake last time he visited Tokyo"
"Zuka was later inspired to make his own Creepy Zuka Doll...it is banned in 70 countries as of this day"
HamsterIV:
* The first thing Zuka did when he got his hands on a mine launcher was lay a mine field in the shape of a giant phallus.
* The Order of Chaladon have named these floating works of art Zuka fields.
* Accidentally running into a Zuka field will do conventional damage but will also cover all crew and equipment in Zukasauce.
* Zuka Sauce stains can never be washed out of fabric and must be exorcized by a ritual involving a Creepy Zuka Doll, 30' of hemp rope, and two female goats.
* When Zuka Sauce dries it forms a polymer so strong that a half inch layer of the stuff on the hull can absorb the damage of a point blank shot from a mercury field gun.
Gryphos:
* Zuka once killed two stones with one bird.
HamsterIV:
* Zuka once stern rammed a Buss full of Cheerleaders, 9 months later the buss gave birth to Optimus prime.
* Zuka can survive in the hard vacuum of space for 3 hours.
* Zuka is the only man to have executed atmospheric reentry using a cast iron skillet, an oven mitt, and 3 ounces of Zuka sauce.
* If you make a wish on a falling Zuka it will come true, so long as you wish to knocked on your back and covered in Zuka sauce.
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