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The Codex of Zuka
Squidslinger Gilder:
"Zuka doesn't fly backwards, the world turns for him"
"Zuka can say "Nyan" in a manly way and still make otaku hearts skip a beat"
"Zuka's only weakness is the smiles of children that melt his heart. After they've learned how to Zuka their enemies. The moral is, never trust a smiling child after they've been Zukdoctrinated"
"Zuka's smile has it's own twinkle. Enemies run in fear of it, allies use it guide their ships at night"
HamsterIV:
A statue of Zuka sits in the middle of the largest public park in Anvala.
Birds refuse to defecate on Zuka's statue out of respect.
Cthulhu and Zuka once went on a bender, Cthulhu is still trying to sleep it off.
Some men just want to watch the world burn. Zuka wants to see the world covered in Zuka Sauce.
Squidslinger Gilder:
"Zuka has a pet monkey named Vakari. It likes to sit quietly on his shoulder, then leaps on non Zuka'd people screaming and clawing faces off"
"Zuka taught it to say the only two words it needs to know "Wrex" and "Shepard""
"Vakari doesn't wear a diaper, Zuka has peasants follow him around for Vakari to throw poo at"
"Zuka once shot down a Spire with Vakari's poo flinging. The Spire was named "Peasant Rebellion"
HamsterIV:
Zuka masks have replaced Guy Fawkes masks as a symbol of youth rebellion.
The Zuka mask is illegal in China, Iran, and North Korea due to its subversive nature.
If you spend enough time staring at a Zuka mask you will begin to hallucinate the voice of Zuka coming out of it.
The voice of Zuka will tell you to do things, dirty, dirty things.
In the Spartacus film the Romans crucified slaves that stood up and said "I'm Spartacus!" The produccers left out the Orgy scene that was held for the slaves that stood up and said "I'm Zuka'Esrai!"
Zuka's response to the slogan "Make love not war" is "why don't we have both?"
Squidslinger Gilder:
"Zukatose is a coma like state induced by Zukasauce overload."
"Patients coming out of a Zukatose state are often violent in their desire to return to such state. In some cases they gain the strength of a dozen men and have to be subdued by Zuka's pet monkey Vakari."
"Patients recovering with Zukdrawls after Zukatose state speak of a fantasy world where rivers are made of Zukasauce and any living creature that drinks from it, turns into a supermodel"
"When questioned about Zukatose conditions Zuka is quoted as saying,"Who keeps letting peasants into my garden?!!""
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