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The Codex of Zuka
HamsterIV:
Sun Tzu wrote a sequel to his famous book "The Art of War" called "The Art of Zuka."
The "Kama Sutra" was based of "The Art of Zuka" however it left out parts the author deemed "not physically possible."
There is a maneuver called "The Ultimate Zuka," if performed correctly the participants will experience "bliss normally reserved for the gods," if performed incorrectly neither participant will be able to walk for a month.
Hugh Hefner, John F. Kennedy, and Benjamin Franklin all own a copy of the "The Art of Zuka."
To make conforming to the One Child policy easier, China has banned the "The Art of Zuka" within its borders.
Conservative groups have tried to ban "The Art of Zuka" in the US, unfortunately any trial where part of the book is read out loud quickly turns into an orgy.
Most adult book stores refuse to stock "The Art of Zuka" fearing that their customers would loose interest in their regular stock.
HamsterIV:
Zuka can produce enough Burnt Pizza in one sitting to feed an entire African village.
Zuka once "hugged it out" with an anaconda, they are now best friends.
Zuka can win a sniper battle with flare guns.
The "Kungfu grip" on a Zuka doll is powerful enough to turn coal to diamonds.
The "Kungfu grip" on the actual Zuka is powerful enough to turn hydrogen to helium.
Zuka has promised to use his powers only for good.
Zuka's definition of "good" varies greatly from the cultural norm.
You are slacking Gilder
Squidslinger Gilder:
Been busy :P
"Those who have been Zuka'd can glow in the dark like Zuka. But only for a limited time."
"Zuka has his own custom outfit called Zukarider. It has a dozen pockets for Zukasauce, eight beverage cup holders for long flights, a compartment for Zukadolls, and a fully functional Squid Girl hat for when airships filled with Japanese school girls attack"
"While Sony was ripping M$ a new one with their PS4 conference, Zuka was out back beating M$ presenters with Xbox Ones till they apologized for selling themselves to publishers"
"The touch of death is only .001% as effective as the touch of Zuka"
N-Sunderland:
--- Quote from: Gilder on June 12, 2013, 05:46:11 pm ---selling themselves to publishers
--- End quote ---
This so much.
HamsterIV:
It is not the Zuka you see that will get you, it is the Zuka you don't see you should be worried about.
Like Santa Clause, Zuka knows who has been naughty or nice. However he only visits the naughty ones.
Zuka has stared into the abyss, the abyss flinched.
Zuka was one of Willy Wonka's golden ticket recipients. He was expelled from the factory after what he did to that Oompa Loompa.
The Geneva convention prohibits Zuka from answering the question "What would you do for a Klondike bar?"
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