Ah, so another soul wants to hear my tale?
It was a evening to remember, that's for sure.
The Gents, notorious for being the most unorganised Cogs Team around, had somehow managed to get 8 members online at once. Starting a 2v2, they began to battle any crew that would face them. They battled many a crew, with 5-0s, 5-1s and the occasional 5-3. Such is a pub game, no?
Alas, their mirth was quickly cut off, by the arrival of a dead man- Firestone. At his arrival, the Gents, filled with the flames of battle, summoned up their reserves, and an epic 3v3 was set: a Battle on the Dunes.
The usual cast was there, but there was a slight oddity in that game- Roy was in his Tower of Evil, ZingyZou in his Ugly Betty IV, but I myself was piloting the third and final ship, -G- anked. An Engineer flying a Pyramidion? Foolish, but not strange. One would say that of a normal match, but this Battle on the Dunes cannot be described as such.
The match began- The Gents grouped together, holding firm under the covering fire of the Spire. Firestone, as per his nature, charged across the Dunes with his Pyramidion. With each second another Lumberjack shell pierced his balloon, and as he crossed pass the graves of ships from another time, the Gents charged as well. Dismayed, Firestone retreated under the suppression of the Junker, his allies becoming meat shields. Shots and shouts rang out from both sides, as the true maelstrom revealed itself. Both sides struggled, armour falling and guns blazing either sides of the sand-filled skies. But, as in all games, one side must fall. A decisive flank from the -G-anked caused the Gents to gain the upper hand, and eventually the Blue's Junker, Pyra and eventually Firestone's own ship were torn asunder.
'Huzzah!' roared the Gents. They reformed their ranks, ready to give battle once more. This fight was not yet over. Dust rolled across the map, the sun blotted out by the tempests. Minutes passed- the Gents, unaffected by this lapse of time, kept at their guns, ready for an attack.
But no guns were heard. The sand fell silent. The Captains scrambled- Where are they? Watch the Flanks! Get ready! Spyglasses, spyglasses up! But no attack came. The sand, still in the air, still hid regions of their conflict. Against all rationale, the Gents split their ships, sending myself to the Northern edge, and the Spire and Junker to the East.
Approaching the bank of clouds, we braced for a barrage of Hwacha fire. Yet again, no such aggression came. The clouds, provoked by our trespass, cursed at our engines and ate at our guns. Yet, they did not contain Firestone, nor his allies.
The Gentlemen had had enough. They had expected much from Firestone, but such a ruse was below him. Quickly, Roy noted that each and every opposing Captain had left the game. Another huzzah was heard from the Gents- 'Firestone's run away!', 'Perhaps we should blame his crew!', 'What about the poor blighters left behind?'
Yes. The 'blighters' left behind. Even as the Swabbies and Lookouts they were, they did not leave their station. Yet, in that case, where were they? This enigma caused concern amongst the Captains- they redoubled their searches. Engines were burning. Phoenix claw spun them back on themselves. Spyglasses remained empty. In desperation, the edges of the map were patrolled, areas were rechecked, the carcasses of the long-dead ships fully excavated.
With a sudden quiver in their voices, the Captains called out to their opponents:
'Where are you hiding, Firestone?'
'Come out, come out, wherever you are!'
'We'll let you shoot first, just come out!'
'Hello?'
'Where are you?'
'Can you see this?'
'Respond. Please.'
The minutes of silence echoed on, the whispers of the sand offering nothing to the Gentlemen.
Finally, Roy sent a PM directly to Firestone, desperate to garner a response. His message finished, he sent it off without delay. What greeted him was not a reply, but a dark message:
Player 'Firestone' does not exist
Startled, they began to hail each opposing Captain. As each message was sent that same reply was all that returned.
The Captains announced, their shoulders weighted- 'Firestone is...Gone.'
A second doubt formed in their minds- The Gents had killed the other team, and in this respect they stayed dead. Yet, even with the disappearance of their opponents, the match did not end. They did not know it, but more death was to follow.
The Gents found themselves imprisoned. Each Captain, save Roy, sent a crewmember back to the lobby, to tell others of their dilemma and return with Muse. Many laughed, and joked, as clans do in such a situation. Yet, no help came. The Captains recalled their crew. They did not return. Alarum ensued.
At the disappearance of their comrades all the mirth had left the Gentlemen, as they understood the stakes now: Death was now absolute, and those that fall into it lost in some limbo of respawns. That, and the match had not yet ended.
In a desperate bid for understanding, Roy placed his spire against the beached carcass to the East. Scraping their hulls together they viewed death as an escape. Alas, their engines died before their hull. Another ship would have to kill them. A Gent would have to kill a Gent.
Even with such uncertainty, I began to burn my own engines, charging headlong at Roy's unprotected flank. Zingy attempted to block my passage, him viewing this as madness. A burst of Hydrogen saw me clear him, and with a second's delay the Pyramidion struck home. it's horn tore through the main engine, shooting the ship forward. Both ships, now moving at pace, edged over the wreck. But death was quick. The Spire snagged on the beast's ribcage, leading the Pyramidion to swoop in and crush it in a single blow, a painful crack heard across the map.
Captain Roy has disconnected
Mark Abrams has disconnected
Chiro has disconnected
Feastonthrones has disconnected
The Spire was not seen again.
In a crazed bid for freedom, the two remaining Captains charged each other, scraping hull together like flint above a fire. Guns were useless in this battle, the weight and speed of each ship determining its fate. They fought for hours. Neither crew could gain the upper hand, their engineers bracing the hull and the Captains goring streaks across the sky. Finally, we knew that this fate had to come voluntarily. Flying off into the distance, I ordered my crew to abandon the ship, and as they left I followed.
We crashed back into the lobby. Zingy's crew had left just behind us, and had similarly landed in the main menu. But, we looked to the top right corner of our screens.
Battle on the Dunes
Resume
There were no crews, no Captains in this game. There was nobody playing. Not a single AI or Gent remained in the lobby. And yet, the game carried on. Failing to summon Muse again, the Gents quickly spread word of their experience to all that would listen. Not many heeded their call, and in frustration many simply sat in the lobby.
But not Mark Abrams.
It could've been curiosity, or some rage that seems to possess him often, but he clicked on that Resume button, and quickly found himself not on his Spire, but as Captain of the Junker. His bold move was a call to action- Arcturus joined him, along with the return of a couple more members. The leaderboard changed. Names were swapped round, Arcturus now appearing on the Blue team Roster, yet on a Red ship. They hesitantly began to charter the map for any change. They found nothing had.
A swabbie turned to look behind the ship, and his startled cries drew the attention of both Captains. There was a Pyramidion behind them.
A wash of disbelief came over. The Pyramidion charged. Both Captains scrambled out of it's way. As it passed, Arc caught a glimpse of the ship.
There was no crew, and no Captain.
Yet, as the ship streaked past them it continued, heading straight for the dominating wreckage of the Dreadnought. The Gents called out to all those that had returned to the main menu, signalling for their assistance. Their previous comrades all clicked the 'Resume'. However, they could not join the game. Stuck at their loading screens, the Gents were separated. Abrams and Arcturus, alone, charged after the Pyramidion, believing it to be Firestone's ship finally respawned.
There was no crew, and no Captain.
This Pyramidion, about to collide with the wreckage, suddenly turned and swerved wildly, coasting high and orbiting the wreck. Something was at the helm. the Gents caught up, and this is where another detail was revealed:
It was the -G-anked.
This fact, revealed to me, caused me to reaffirm my departure from the game. Dumbfounded, the Gents began to pull back. The Pyramidion gave chase with abnormal speed. As it swooped upon them the order to abandon ship was given. The ships scraped and screamed at one another, the Pyramidion ceaselessly tearing at the Junker. As the hull began to crumple the last Gent disconnected.
There are some opinions on the details of these events.
I'll start with the most rational.
Let me stress the nigh-on perfection in connection that we all had. This was in no part caused by a connection fault on either team. Following the events, some believed that the game engine itself suffered a colossal bug, in which the Sandbox AI, which features on the same map, no less, took over for me when I left the game, and followed it's programming by avoiding obstacles. However, we cannot ascertain why the Blue team did not respawn, or how on death the Tower of Evil's crew were kicked out of the match. Of secondary note is the Scoreboard, and how despite all of these events the Red team roster did not change, but each of the Captains on Blue were shown as AI gunners, rather than disconnected themselves.
All in all, it sounds as if the three Blue Captains (Firestone and Co.) quit the game after their first deaths, but the Surrender mechanic failed to operate fully- it took the Blue ships off the respawn queue, but failed to end the game.
However, my personal belief is that Muse has a hand behind this- they have AI in the works, developing Directors for Adventure Mode. How can they be sure it works against ships, without trying it on real players first?
I would suggest that the next time a fellow named 'Jesus' appears on your ship, you guard your helm.
Oh, and don't die first.
