Skywhale rumors.

[Skymonger]

Skywhales don't exist.
Or at least...SOMEONE is trying to hide them.
Pretty damn recklessly too I must admit.

I woke up finding my house covered in bulletholes and spray paint. And half my furniture ripped to shreds out on the streets. I think someone left several land mines under my rug...
...oh. Can't forget the pipe bomb in the toilet. Was a very nasty surprise.
Glad I sleep in the basement.

So...I'm just gunna publicly say it. Fuck you.
Still looking for rumors on those skywhales. Do you have a story on Skywhales?
Can you leave it here please? One without an explosive device or cyanide?

[C r o w]

From what I've heard, Lord Dick Tim, a pirate lord, is the one that first found the existence of skywhales.

He challenged the Muse pantheon to affirm the reality of his faith, beginning a war in the heavens.

Nobody knows who actually won, but one thing is sure: in the end, when he returned among human, he was changed and flew on a gigantic airship, skywhale shaped.

Some madmen also think they had an epiphany and believe that the only deity that should be worshipped is the Holy Bacon.
Needless to say, the Church of the Skywhale and the Church of the Holy Bacon are at war since always.

[The Mann]

Your eyes deceive you.

Your minds lack knowledge and thus, you are blinded.

Numbers have few references to skill when attempting to understand the skies.

A common misconception among the Novices Of Our Bustling Skies.

Perhaps one day, you will acquire the knowledge to understand.

Perhaps, you'll never understand.

One can hope.

One day.

[Skymonger]

Your eyes deceive you.

Your minds lack knowledge and thus, you are blinded.

Numbers have few references to skill when attempting to understand the skies.

A common misconception among the Novices Of Our Bustling Skies.

Perhaps one day, you will acquire the knowledge to understand.

Perhaps, you'll never understand.

One can hope.

One day.

And I shall continue to search for such information. Skywhales exist yet ALL these VETS...are trying to kill me for searching for them.

...and I'm looking at you bard. I know what you and your cronies did to my house.

[C r o w]

-whisper to Skymonger
If I remember correctly there were some charges against the Mann for terrorism in the name of the Holy Bacon some years ago, nobody ended up in prison and a lot of bacon was found in the corpse of one of the detectives that were on that case.

[The Mann]

Ah, the holy bacon wars.

An event hidden from the lore.

An Assault against the porridge loving baronies.

[HamsterIV]

The evidence is out there:

This was taken from inside muse studios during one of their Kickstarter videos. If you look closely you will see various Justice League Bobble heads, but one Justice league is notoriously missing, Aquaman. Clearly Muse is saying they have no place for a telepath that can communicate with large ocean going creatures. Yet if you look closer there seems to be a container of oil based lip balm. As we know the finest oil can only be harvested from whales yet as the lack of Aquaman clearly proves there will be no aquatic whales in this game. From this the only logical conclusion we can make is that Muse will incorporate Skywhales into the Guns of Icarus Lore if not make them a playable race at some time in the future.

[C r o w]

Let's ignore the fact that on the background can be clearly seen a3D model of a chicken and an empty bottle of something, suggesting that Hamster's theory is wrong

[The Mann]

That hair is a wave of secret knowledge just waiting to be plundered and read.

[C r o w]

I already know what secrets does the magical hair wave contain.
You would be very pissed off if you understood them all.

[The Mann]

That sentence structure though?

Did you read the hair properly? 

[C r o w]

It's like reading the history of the world, only you are reading every single chapter, that talks about a single day, at the same moment.

It's very confusing, and it will make you learn to hate the history of Zimbabwe.

What's wrong in that sentence structure? I can't into engrish?

[The Mann]

I already know what secrets does the magical hair wave contain.

This is read as.

I already know.

What secrets does the magical hair wave contain?

Instead of

I already know all the secrets the magical hair wave contains.

Why is English so complicated. 

[C r o w]

Because

Why is English so complicated. 

Because apparently it one of the languages with the largest amount of words.

Still.

The magical hair wave knows.

[ShadedExalt]

You need hairspray divination to decipher it though, right?