a ship class called the LEEEEEEEROY MMJENKINS! it has all guns (4 heavy 3 light) facing forward the balloon in the back, engines in the front. cant move , but a spires turning. and a pyras lift
You forgot the three sheets of front armour which leaves only room for the guns to show, each with a need to be stripped before the next with at least two rounds of greased from a gatling.
Oh and a fog horn which plays "LEEEROY JEENKINS!" after every kill the ship makes.
And to counter the Leroy Jenkins, a ship called Chuck Norris, which has the ability to appear behind Leroy and pop his balloon with its nose.