Conclave of Bacon

[Shinkurex]

Fellow Baconites! Hear me!

Sunderland. Our Pious leader has fallen from his ways! His heresy knows no bounds! I am even suspicious that he may be dealing under the table with the order of the skywhale! I propose a vote to appoint a new leader! one who is fair, just, and crispy! Join us, and vote on our new leader!

[Mill Wilkinson]

Junior Councillor, how do we know this is not your coup into power? Bring us proof so we shall have a fair hearing. These accusations you make are dire indeed, but we cannot have it without evidence.

[Sgt. Spoon]

VIVA LA REVOLUTION! VIVA LA 42!

[Piemanlives]

42 is all, 42 is everything, 42 is Bacon!

[Skrimskraw]

I vote me

[BdrLineAzn]

I think there shouldn't up there as well as I "unofficially" started with all this Baconess

[Lord Dick Tim]

Yes, the fracturing of the Bacon begins!  Canadian, or American!?

[N-Sunderland]

Think for a moment... Do you want a warmongering leader? The US is constantly at war with countries one tenth of its size. Iraq, Vietnam, etc. Canada has none of that crap.

[DMaximus]

I VOTE FOR BACON! LET BACON LEAD US!

[Lord Dick Tim]

A vote for Canada is a vote for Bieber, remember that.

[Mill Wilkinson]

So, this is the legendary unity of Baconites? This is the joke we must bear? Even now the whalites are laughing their fins off due to our fracturing. I demand order, I demand we show everyone we are strong and united! We have stood the test of time (for what, three months?) and held back the march of blasphemous whalites, yet now when the leadership of Councillor Sunderland is put to trial we all begin to shout our own agendas? Bacon save us, we are not worthy to hold Its pan handle.

tl;dr: Vote!

[Plasmarobo]

FELLOW COUNCILORS.
HEAR ME.

The Bacon must go to the Glorious Shinkurex. The whale waits in the shadows, malcontent with plankton he stalks new prey: that of Bacon. We must to arms brothers. Now is not the time for the peaceable leadership and poor pop music of the Canadian! There can only be one agenda gentlemen: That of survival. The Bacon must prevail at all costs. Now is not the time for caution, now is not the time to withhold our strength. We must stand united against the flying whale.

Fellows, there can be no other choice. Councilor Sunderland has not the inclination, and 42 has no mind for the petty problems of the Bacon and Skywhale for by it's very nature it transcends. There can be no other determination. I urge you to dispense with the bureaucratic lethargy that is the vote. There can only be Shinkurex, until the whale floats no longer in our skies!

I have spoken.

[DMaximus]

BACON IS THE ONE TRUE BACON. THE BACONING IS HERE AND IT IS NOW. THE BACON BACONS THE BACON AND SHALL RULE US ALL WITH ITS BACON. THE ONCE AND FUTURE BACON SHALL RETURN TO GUIDE US TO THE PROMISED LAND OF BACONIA!

[BdrLineAzn]

Brothers, hath we forgotten the righteous path of Bacon. Now fight and quarrel with ourselves that Oven of our structure has become to rust. Now we fight for a leader where we all know Bacon is the One and Mighty. Must I remind thee....

                     


 

The Bible of Bacon

Book of Grease


In the beginning there was darkness, ye 16 hundreds England had yet to be blessed with the great Bacon in the sky. He set about making it so that all could have his deliciousness, but ye, man in his wickedness, was not as perfect as Bacon, and is where we get original Bacon sin from.

Grease 1:1

In the beginning was the Pig, and the Pig was with Bacon, and the Bacon was Pig. The Bacon who made the breakfast and everything in it is the Lord of breakfast and earth and does not live in turkey Bacon built by human hands. In the beginning, Bacon, laid the foundations of the breakfast, and the breakfast is the work of your hands. By faith we understand that the original breakfast was formed at Bacons command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.

"You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all breakfast things, and by your will they were created and have their being."

You alone are the LORD. You made the breakfast, even the highest heavens, and all their starry host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them. You give breakfast to everything, and the multitudes of food worship you.  He alone stretches out the heavens and treads on the waves of the sea. Where were you when I laid the breakfast's foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Ye you were yet to be, blessed in the greatness of Bacon.

Grease 1:2

For Bacon, who said, "Let taste shine out of darkness," made his taste shine in our tummies to give us the light of the knowledge of Bacon's glory displayed in the face of Gristle. like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them aloft. And ye Bacon says, "when I made the syrup its garment and wrapped it in thick grease. You covered it with the watery depths as with a syrup; the syrup stood above the mountains."

Praise our lord Sky Bacon, for he gives breakfast all that it is, and all that it should be, for he knows, not us, the truth to a balanced breakfast.

THE STORY OF APPLE WOOD SMOKED AND HICKORY SMOKED

After Bacon had created all that was breakfast, ye, praise him, he needed flavors, which he created in his image, the first two flavors would be Apple Wood Smoked, and Hickory Smoked
Now the Lord Bacon had created a Kitchen in the east, in Eden; and there he put the Apple Wood Smoked he had formed. The Lord Bacon made all kinds of foods cook out of the table—food that were pleasing to the eye and good for the soul. In the middle of the stove were the cookbook of life and the cookbook of good and evil.

A sink cooling the stove flowed from Eden; from there it was separated into four drains.  The name of the first is the Benedict; it winds through the entire land of Shell, where there is Egg. The name of the second drain is the Batter; it winds through the entire land of Pancake. The name of the third drain is the Waffle; it runs along the east side of Syrup. And the fourth drain is the Garbage disposal.

The Lord Bacon took the Apple Wood Smoked and put him on the Stove of Eden to cook on it and take care of it.  And the Lord Bacon commanded the Apple Wood, “You are free to cook from any skillet in the stove; but you must not eat food from the Cookbook of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

 The Lord Bacon said, “It is not good for one taste to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

 Now the Lord Bacon had formed out of the ground all the breakfast foods and all of the spices. He brought them to the Apple Wood to see what he would name them; and whatever the Apple Wood called each food and spice, that was its name.  So the Apple Wood gave names to all the breakfast foods and all of the spices we know today.

But for Apple Wood no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the Apple Wood to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the Apple Woods slices and then closed up the place with flesh.  Then the Lord God made a Hickory Smoked from the slice he had taken out of the Apple Wood, and he brought her to the Apple Wood.

The Apple Wood said,

“This is now slice of my slice
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘Hickory Smoked Flavor,’
    for she was taken out of Apple Wood Smoked flavor.”
That is why a taste leaves his father and mother and is united to his other taste, and they become one flavor.

Apple Wood and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Now the Turkey Bacon was more crafty than any of the flavors the Lord Bacon had made. He said to the Hickory, “Did Bacon really say, ‘You must not eat from any cookbook in the kitchen?’?”

 Hickory said to the serpent, “We may eat from all Cookbooks here,  but Bacon did say, ‘You must not eat from The center Cookbook, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

“You will not certainly die,” the Turkey Bacon said to the woman. “For Bacon knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like Bacon, knowing good and evil.”

 When the Hickory saw that the cookbook was desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and cooked from it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he cooked from it.  Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord Bacon as he was walking in the kitchen in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord Bacon among the utensils of the kitchen. But the Lord Bacon called to them, “Where are you?”

Apple answered, “I heard you in the kitchen, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the cookbook that I commanded you not to eat from?”

The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some food from the book, and I ate it.”

 Then the Lord Bacon said to the woman, “What is this you have done?”

The woman said, “The Turkey Bacon deceived me, and I ate.”

 So the Lord Bacon said to the Turkey Bacon, “Because you have done this,

“Cursed are you above all foods!
    and all seasonings!
You will crawl on your belly
    and you will eat dust
    all the days of your life.
    And I will put enmity
    between you and the woman,
    and between your offspring and hers;
    he will crush your head,
    and you will strike his heel.”
    To the woman he said,

“I will make your taste very subtle!;
    with very subtle taste you will be unpopular.
Your desire will be for your husband,
    and he will rule over you.”
  To Apple Wood he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate from which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’

“Cursed is the morning because of you;
    through painful toil you will non from it!
    all the days of your life.
    It will produce nuts and berries for you,
    and you will taste good only to some people!.
    By the grease from your pores
    you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
    since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
    and to dust you will return.”
20 Apple named his wife Hickory because she would become the mother of all the living.

21 The Lord Bacon made garments of skin for Apple Wood and his wife and clothed them. And the Lord Bacon said, “The taste has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the cookbook and eat, and live forever.”  So the Lord Bacon banished him from the Kitchen of Eden to work the kitchens from which he had been taken.  After he drove the flavors out, he placed on the east side of the Kitchen of Eden rat poison and a flaming sword flashing back and forth to guard the way to the cookbook of life.


Grease 1:3

This is the account of the breakfast and the food when they were created, when the LORD Bacon made the Breakfast and its associated foods.By the word of the LORD the foods were made, their starry host by the breath of his mouth and all others, For he spoke, and it came to be; he commanded, and it stood firm.

Grease 1:4

The Bacon is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made. All your works praise you, Bacon!! your faithful people extol you. "I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the LORD Bacon, do all these things."

Ten commandments of Bacon:

1. Thou shalt not choose any food before Bacon.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images bearing likeness to Bacon above, nor Bacon beneath, nor the Bacon beneath that other Bacon. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for It is a jealous Bacon, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate Bacon; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love Bacon, and keep Bacon's commandments

3. Thou shalt not take the name of Bacon in vain; for Bacon will not hold him guiltless that taketh Its name in vain.

4. Keep Bacon day holy. Thou shalt work for six days, but the seventh day belongs to Bacon. Preferably, all seven days are Bacon day.

5. Honour thy Bacon and any Bacon left over: that thy days may be long upon the land which Bacon giveth thee.

6. Thou shalt not throw Bacon into the garbage can.

7. Thou shalt not betray thy love for Bacon by replacing It with inferior foods.

8. Thou shalt steal Bacon, for It is just that good.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy Bacon.

10. Thou shalt covet thy neighbour's Bacon, for to not do so would be a betrayal to It.

[Surette]

The once and future Bacon.