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The Codex of Zuka

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Squidslinger Gilder:
"Besides Creepy Zukadolls, Zuka also developed a line of Tickle-Me-Zuka dolls. The only tickle-me doll that would actually tickle back, and more!"
"Tickle-Me-Zuka dolls were surprisingly popular among adults with female consumers generating a 500% increase in sales each year until the doll was discontinued."
"Zuka discontinued the Tickle-Me-Zuka when he realized the dolls became self aware and were attempting to overthrow Zuka's harem."
"Most Tickle-Me-Zukas were confiscated and scrapped, however some escaped into the backwoods behind Zuka's house and since then, sightings have popped up in rural areas all across the nation."
"They say if you're camping in the woods and you hear a girlish giggle echo from the shadows, its already too late. Pray you have Zukasauce."

Squidslinger Gilder:
"Rival studios in the 90s, looking to capitalize on the TMNT fame, started developing for new ideas to dethrone the turtles. One of them was Teenage Mutant Ninja Zukas. However the project was shelved after Zuka insisted Zukanardo's catch phrase be,"Hey you wanna see the secret of my ooze?"
"Unfortunately the project could not be halted long as Zuka already developed a line of feminine hygiene products around the ooze."
"TMNZ, despite loads of hype and branding, sadly never could get into full production. Zuka's demands were just too great for writers and directors and Zuka was often seen chasing interns through the sets with hygiene products."
"Hope for TMNZ has not been lost as Zuka has recently released a new line of animatronic talking hygiene products. Modeled in his likeness. They are programed to ask the user if they want his ooze and giggle whenever left alone in the dark for too long."

HamsterIV:
Michael Bay was approached about rebooting the TMNZ franchise however contract negotiations fell through when Zuka insisted that Zuka sauce be used instead of gasoline for Michael Bay's trade mark fire balls. While Zuka was capable of furnishing enough Zuka Sauce the International War Crimes Tribunal stepped in and indicated atomized Zuka Sauce is a more powerful chemical weapon than Mustard gas.

Megan Fox went missing after her first reading of her script. Creepy Zuka dolls are suspected of being involved.

HamsterIV:
* The Minotaur was the result of a failed experiment to weaponize Zuka's pelvic thrusts.
* An algorithm designed by Zuka was used in an early version of match making, however too many players ended up leaving the game having found their soul mates through Zuka's algorithm.
* Zuka's soul is so great that it can mate with ten other souls at once, usually leaving the other souls exhausted but satisfied.
* Zuka can unbalance a match from the spectator slot.
* Zuka's can't use Match Making since his Match Making Rank is "Divide by Zero Error."

Koali:
This isn't quite related, but...

ZUKA. The Hwacha is on fire. AGAIN. FIX IT.

(Reference to a match where we crewed together on a Spire.)

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