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The Codex of Zuka
Squidslinger Gilder:
"Comic-Con was modeled after the last party at Zuka's house. It would be called Zuka Con but that name was already taken by Japan."
"At Zuka Con, there are Zuka Cafes and local idols singing various drunken Zuka show tunes. Anyone that cosplays as Zuka gets free booze and sauce!"
"Interest in Zuka related Doujinshi has risen 500% since Zuka Con's founding."
"Guests to Zuka Con are eligible to spend the night in a Zuka themed love hotel where every room has a picture of Zuka above the bed."
"Japan's low birthrate problem was officially solved the first year Zuka Con was held."
Squidslinger Gilder:
"Zuka opened an institution of higher learning once called Zukavard. It's only graduate: Zapp Brannigan."
"Zapp Brannigan only attended classes for one day. His understanding of all things Zuka were beyond that of any mere human. He was instantly graduated and granted "non-peasant," status by the great Zuka."
"Zukavard didn't close, it was overrun by a series of house parties which spilled over onto the campus and made the area a toxic waste site after drunk students tried to artificially brew Zukasauce."
"Zukavard parties are currently only 10% contained as responders who come to contain the parties end up falling under the influence of the sauce fumes."
HamsterIV:
* Pompeii was not burred by the volcanic eruption of Mt Vesuvius but rather a different eruption after Zuka held one of his famous orgies.
* All major seismic and volcanic activity recorded around the world is a side effect of Zuka parties.
* There is a sign on the dark side of the moon saying "If the planet is a rocken don't come a knocken."
* All alien abduction and probings are an attempt by interstellar species to understand Zuka's potency.
* Interstellar law prohibits any attempt to abduct Zuka. If he were to find out other civilizations existed among the stars he would Zuka them all.
* SETI will never find signs of extra terrestrial life because the universe enacted a radio blackout when they discovered what Zuka was capable of.
Squidslinger Gilder:
"The Lord of the Rings was actually inspired by the childhood story of Zuka returning and overdue library book."
"Zuka was forced to return it after inciting a nudist riot on campus as he tried to turn the school into one big amazon jungle tribe."
"In 30 minutes Zuka had already amassed a partial harem, half of them teachers."
"There is a secret lost episode of Reading Rainbow where Zuka guest stars. It was deemed too saucy for TV and is currently used to encourage illiterate adults that it is never to late to learn how to Zuka...I mean, read."
"Zuka's Reading Rainbow episode later went on to become a teaching aide in Health classrooms in 49 states. Due to frequent appearances at local high schools, it was not deemed necessary in Zuka's home state."
Squidslinger Gilder:
"It is rumored Zuka plans to run for president in the future. When questioned which party he would run under Zuka replied,"You sir are a pervert. I don't ride Donkeys or Elephants like that...unless they're cute, which they're not! Those two are not worthy of my sauce!!"
"Zuka's first act as president: Amending state names....Zukabama, Zuklaska, Zukazona, Zukansas, Zukafornia, Zukarado, Connetizuka, Delazuka, Zukida, Zukeorgia, Zukwaii, Zukaho, Zukanois, Zukdiana, Zukawa, Zuksas, Zuktucky, Zukiana, Zukaine, Zukaland, Zukachussetts, Michizuka, Minnezuka, Zukissippi, Zukouri, Zuktana, Zukbraska, Zukavada, New Zukashire, New Zuksey, New Zukico, New Zukork, North Zukalina, North Zukota, Zukio, Zuklahoma, Orezuka, Zukavania, Rhode Zuka, South Zukalina, South Zukota, Zukessee, Zukexas, Zuktah, Zukamont, Zukginia, Zukington, West Zukginia, Zukconsin, Zukyoming."
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