Author Topic: The Fart Awakens (Spoilers)  (Read 22965 times)

Offline Squidslinger Gilder

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The Fart Awakens (Spoilers)
« on: January 01, 2016, 04:39:19 pm »
Weird that I thought it was better than some of the prequels but bad enough I actually thought Lucas could do better.

If it wasn't for the supporting cast and some of the dialogue, Episode 7 is literally one of the worst Star Wars movies ever. Barely squeaks by Episode 2. Holy crap it is swiss cheese story with an antagonist that needs to wait another 10yrs till he gets some pubes and doesn't need pampers anymore.

First Order vs the Resistance is like watching a bad Gundam episode where we see two former powers duking it out in a never ending war while the rest of the galaxy rolls their eyes and doesn't give a damn. In fact there is such an episode in Gundam: AGE where the protagonists come across this battle still being fought by a handful of old men and its just pathetic.

Why has the First Order even gotten so big if it's ran by a bunch of brats who look like they are still waiting for their balls to drop? Assuming Snoak is Darth Plaguis like others suspect but really...Snoak? Don't even try to hide him or make him mysterious? What is this? Run out of awesome names so you rip something that seems like it should be in Pokemon?

Then..WTF Planet Deathstar beam destroys worlds in real time completely negating speed of light limits? Why are people on one world viewing other worlds in other systems blowing up? Is it the same system? If its the same system, why the flipping monkey crack did they have to hyperspace anywhere?

For that matter why is there even a planet sized deathstar now? Why? NAN DE!!!!! It's so stupid. Where are the huge fleets that the First Order should have? Don't tell me they've blown their entire budget on that planetstar and now they have what...1 star destroyer? How the hell is that scary or imposing? You can't expand a new Empire with one battleship!

I can see why Abrams wanted to continue doing Star Wars movies because he left it so haphazard that literally there is almost no way the next director is going to pull off a decent Episode 8. If the director does, holy crap they'll pull off a miracle.

Anyways, anyone else feel like venting about Fart Awakens? Son of a...they could have at least used some extended universe story and characters. A Jedi Homeworld that is not Tython? Really...no Tython?

*Makes mental note to someday kick J.J. Abrams in the crotch :D

Offline James T. Kirk

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Re: The Fart Awakens (Spoilers)
« Reply #1 on: January 01, 2016, 06:08:03 pm »
Google "Star Wars 7, The Fallen Hero."

I dare you.

Offline Schwalbe

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Re: The Fart Awakens (Spoilers)
« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2016, 04:06:43 am »
One word: TRAITOR.

But honestly, with plot holes THIS big, there is no plot at all. Just the copy+paste of episode 4. Only senseslessly rushed as fuck.
And with soooo leigitimate female character:

Finn: Hurr Durr I'm a big shot in Resistance
Rey: Cool!

Finn: Hurr Durr I actually don't belong to Resistence - I'm a fugitive Order's bitch
Rey: Fine by me, I have absolutly no problem with you lying to everyone, especially me!

...J.J. are you fucking nuts? Have you ever TALKED to a woman? -.-


Not to mention a bad guy, who starts being QUITE intimidating to say the least... and thenn he takes out his helmet - THREE FUCKING TIMES IN A MOVIE - so we can find out how much of an emo cunt he actually is.

Also, I feel they wanted to seem "mysterious" in some moments, but they failed miserably due to the fast pacing - WAY TOO FAST PACING - so when your brain begins to process all you've just saw, the movie is two scenes forward...

Not to mention the ending. PFFFFT. Fun fact, Hamill got few times more money then actress playing as Rey.
GG.
gg wp capitalistic pigs.



Seriously, I believe somebody should make a montage of famous Heavy Rain's "Jason" bug, but instead put a similarly prolonged "TRAAAAAITOR" in it.

Offline Skrimskraw

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Re: The Fart Awakens (Spoilers)
« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2016, 04:36:24 am »
SW is overrated, good movies but overrated :)

Offline Squidslinger Gilder

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Re: The Fart Awakens (Spoilers)
« Reply #4 on: January 02, 2016, 06:48:35 pm »
Yeah I was so hoping Finn was going to get killed off by the end. Injecting that attitude was terrible. The role wasn't really cast well. If they wanted an African American actor, they should have gotten the guy from Super Girl. He's fantastic and doesn't hurr durr.

Heck most of the roles were cast rather crappily other than Rey. Why do all the First Order dicks look like they've barely grown any pubes as well? That admiral guy? What the hell is he? What is this, Space Nazi Boy Scouts? Maybe Plaguis likes being surrounded by young boys...I dunno.

Hamill I've always hated in Star Wars but I like him in Wing Commander. Where he actually grows a grungie beard and looks decent for the part. Looking forward to him playing the old cuss Wing Commander in Star Citizen. Previews of it looked fantastic. Just episode 7...so stupid that he doesn't even have any lines. Just stands there giving Rey the evil eye.

Offline Schwalbe

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Re: The Fart Awakens (Spoilers)
« Reply #5 on: January 02, 2016, 06:54:15 pm »
Quote
Just stands there giving Rey the evil eye.



Yeah, like:

"You're bothering me"  Arcanum? Geoffrey Torelond-Ashe? Anyone? No? Ugh...
"Shoo"
"Shoo, goddammit!"
"Just, just twat off"
"I spent twenty fucking staring at nothing - if I wanted any change in that matter, I'd go and search myself"
"Goddammit, you brought me THAT lightsaber - what else? Maybe a hand, I lost with it? Or carcasses of twenty children my father killed with it? Silly lass..."
« Last Edit: January 02, 2016, 06:59:51 pm by Schwalbe »

Offline Squidslinger Gilder

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Re: The Fart Awakens (Spoilers)
« Reply #6 on: January 02, 2016, 07:25:05 pm »
I'd pay to see that ending.

Offline Skrimskraw

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Re: The Fart Awakens (Spoilers)
« Reply #7 on: January 03, 2016, 03:11:52 am »
im looking forward to rey teaching luke about the force, since shes such a powerful jedi knowing shit without practice :)

Offline Squidslinger Gilder

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Re: The Fart Awakens (Spoilers)
« Reply #8 on: January 03, 2016, 05:41:48 am »
im looking forward to rey teaching luke about the force, since shes such a powerful jedi knowing shit without practice :)

I know seriously...

But of course given that JJ can't write star wars worth shit, most likely she's the estrogen version of Luke. Cept memory wiped and then sent away to some horrible place to endure hardships till she can be revealed to the universe!! Why can't any of these people have a normal childhood or backstory? Farm girl growing up on Dantooine...sent away to study under Luke and become a Jedi master. Then the crap happens and then you can butcher the family or something to trigger a light vs dark moment.

Instead of putting Luke on the run, put her. Or them both. Luke gets harem ending...everyone wins!

Offline Skrimskraw

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Re: The Fart Awakens (Spoilers)
« Reply #9 on: January 03, 2016, 11:55:15 am »
this is the end of the saga that revolves around the skywalker family, thats why she cant be a farm girl.

Disney has no intentions of ending the story after episode 9. They are going to keep making things within the franchise, most likely some animated movies etc.

I'm actually looking forward to watching rogue one to see if its better than episode 7.

Offline Riggatto

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Re: The Fart Awakens (Spoilers)
« Reply #10 on: January 03, 2016, 01:53:20 pm »
Gilder I have a feeling you wouldn't have been happy with any possible movie. The only thing that would have satisfied you is if you wrote it yourself

Offline Squidslinger Gilder

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Re: The Fart Awakens (Spoilers)
« Reply #11 on: January 03, 2016, 04:54:27 pm »
No I am perfectly happy with many movies. Last one I Netflix'd was Kingsman. Found it a tad cheesy but overall it didn't try to be more than it was. Enjoyed it. The movie knew it's identity and it wasn't terribly written. A few scenes rushed here and there can be forgiven.

Before that, Rogue Nation. Actually somewhat enjoyed that too. Especially because they didn't play it as predictably as I thought they would.

Star Wars...all you hear about it is raves. Disney is merchandising it to death. Heck commercials on TV the other night...I don't think there was one segment where Williams wasn't played in the background of the ad.

Lucas then throws a fit...personally it made me want to watch 7 more because if he hates it, then it'll be good. However by the end of the movie I found Lucas to be right on many points. Now Disney bent him over and breach loaded him full of "praise it or we crush you." So he's recanting and playing nice again.

Its hilarious that when I see critical reviews of 7...they go into all these things and more. Things which should label a movie as "garbage" yet they can't stop singing praises for 7 at the same time and encouraging people to see it. Sorry media but if you want to shovel feces into my mouth and call it chocolate you better at least make it taste somewhat like chocolate.

Offline Dutch Vanya

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Re: The Fart Awakens (Spoilers)
« Reply #12 on: January 03, 2016, 06:15:49 pm »
No I am perfectly happy with many movies. Last one I Netflix'd was Kingsman. Found it a tad cheesy but overall it didn't try to be more than it was. Enjoyed it. The movie knew it's identity and it wasn't terribly written. A few scenes rushed here and there can be forgiven.

Before that, Rogue Nation. Actually somewhat enjoyed that too. Especially because they didn't play it as predictably as I thought they would.

Star Wars...all you hear about it is raves. Disney is merchandising it to death. Heck commercials on TV the other night...I don't think there was one segment where Williams wasn't played in the background of the ad.

Lucas then throws a fit...personally it made me want to watch 7 more because if he hates it, then it'll be good. However by the end of the movie I found Lucas to be right on many points. Now Disney bent him over and breach loaded him full of "praise it or we crush you." So he's recanting and playing nice again.

Its hilarious that when I see critical reviews of 7...they go into all these things and more. Things which should label a movie as "garbage" yet they can't stop singing praises for 7 at the same time and encouraging people to see it. Sorry media but if you want to shovel feces into my mouth and call it chocolate you better at least make it taste somewhat like chocolate.
Wow what an amazing amount of expertise and insight you have. We didn't know you were so involved and well informed.

Offline Riggatto

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Re: The Fart Awakens (Spoilers)
« Reply #13 on: January 03, 2016, 06:26:28 pm »
I'm talking specifically about star wars. I mean that I feel you wouldn't have liked any star wars 7 movie that was made.

Offline Squidslinger Gilder

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Re: The Fart Awakens (Spoilers)
« Reply #14 on: January 03, 2016, 07:08:40 pm »
I was just talking about recently Dutch :P. Smart ass :P

Nah they could have done a Star Wars 7 I would have liked. I could forgive a lot of things. In the prequels I actually like Episode 1 if I ignore Jar Jar and the childish dialogue at times. Mostly because Lucas did the casting right and I'm a Liam fan. Episode 2 and 3 could not be forgiven very well because it just snowballed due to the worst possible choice to play Anakin along with the most awkward romance scenes ever. Had Lucas convinced Dicaprio to play Anakin, I think the prequels would have been salvageable. Dicaprio actually looked like the episode 1 kid and knows how to act unlike Hayden.

Episode 7 would have been good, had they not tossed out the extended universe. Just worked with it. Heck if they would have had Kyle Katarn on screen for even a brief cameo, I'd have been satisfied with 7. But no, Disney blows chunks.