Author Topic: New Item Pitch (warning: 2 spooky)  (Read 3336 times)

Offline Honeybadger

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New Item Pitch (warning: 2 spooky)
« on: April 16, 2013, 11:22:16 am »
Hi I wanted to pitch a new item for the game!

I had an Idea for a Pilot item called the "Ultimate Sandwich"

Here are the stats:

Its five feet high and three feet wide, Comes with a bucket of ranch on the side, it's served on wheat bread made from thirty thousand separate grains, Its made from a shit ton of chicken, a fuck ton of ham, an explosion of clams, panther, bear meat, and duck. It's topped with man's hottest peppers on the world's coldest cuts.

Here's what it does:

It drives the lesser man insane to allow you to fuck his ship into oblivion with your sandwich penis, because you wanna fuck this sandwich (its sun dried tomatos hit the sides of my shaft, and bacon grazes my nuts). It's time to get sexy, no ifs, and, or buts. It uses weapons grade ham, to awaken your passions make you feel like a man.

It's the legend of lunches, the lord of buffets, I could slam it for days.

This sandwich also acts as a floatation device if your on the Fjords.

You will leave people saying "Oh shit!" or "Fuck yeah!" or "Sweet Christ!"

Thanks!

Offline HamsterIV

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Re: New Item Pitch (warning: 2 spooky)
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2013, 12:15:42 pm »
Considering how often I hear people complaining about hunger in the lobby but not logging off because they don't want to leave a good crew, this might be a legitimate weapon. I can see a ship loosing their best gunner or engineer mid game as the thought of sandwichy goodness overwhelm a brain that is already low on blood sugar .

Offline Helmic

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Re: New Item Pitch (warning: 2 spooky)
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2013, 02:41:54 pm »
Thank you for giving me the image of an engineer violently making love to a sandwich in his hand.

Offline HamsterIV

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Re: New Item Pitch (warning: 2 spooky)
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2013, 02:50:49 pm »
I am still recovering from Lord Dick Tim's "Sensual Whale Noises." Honey Badger's food fetish seems downright tame now.

Offline Honeybadger

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Re: New Item Pitch (warning: 2 spooky)
« Reply #4 on: April 17, 2013, 12:04:13 am »
Thank you for giving me the image of an engineer violently making love to a sandwich in his hand.

I said it was 2 spooky...

Offline Helmic

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Re: New Item Pitch (warning: 2 spooky)
« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2013, 04:53:53 am »
Thank you for giving me the image of an engineer violently making love to a sandwich in his hand.

I said it was 2 spooky...

That wasn't mayo.

Offline Lord Dick Tim

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Re: New Item Pitch (warning: 2 spooky)
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2013, 01:10:23 am »
At least I'm not the only one who was conjuring mental pictures of sandwich orgies.  Oh god now their all make whale calls while doing it!

I... I need to not visit the pit for awhile.