I take no credit for whatever the hell this is.
THE SAGA OF BUDGET HORSE CONTINUES!
Son of Budget Horse hands you your morning coffee and bows low to the floor. You take the opportunity to put your feet up on his back. You idly reflect that this Budget Horse deal was a pretty good one after all.
"Most beneficent owner," mumbles Son of Budget Horse, "most kind and generous creditor to my father's debts... I must meekly, humbly, regrettably, ask to be released from your service."
Twin jets of coffee spray from your nose. "WHAT?!" you exclaim, giving Son of Budget Horse a few kicks for good measure. "I paid good money for you! Explain yourself!"
He looks up at you, coffee and mucus streaming down his cheeks. "It's my family. The sextuplets are into the terrible twos, and they're just too much for poor Jane to handle on her own. Little John is a real handful, and as I've mentioned before, Joanne is growing too fast for us to keep her in clothes. Jennifer needs that last vaccination I was telling you about, and Joshua needs glasses, and Jacqueline picked up some strange virus somewhere. Jacob... well, you know all about Jacob. My point is, Jane and I thought... well, we know that you're a kind employer, and reasonable, and understanding. Little Jacob, bless his soul, he came up to me yesterday and said "Daddy, how many monsters did Boss kill today?" and I told him how many, and he said "Wow! That's nearly all of them!" and then he went off and him and John played Boss Adventure... it's this game they play where they ride each other around and one of them pretends to be daddy and one of them pretends to be you, and the rest pretend to be monsters. They fight over which of them gets to play as you. God knows I've told them enough stories about our adventures, told them as much about you and your kindness as I've told you about them. But I need time. And I need money. Please. Please." He throws himself to your feet again.
You look down at him, confused. "You're married? Seriously?"
Son of Budget Horse chuckles. "It's that sense of humour that makes you such a wonderful person to be around. But please, Jane can't look after the children on her own!" He looks up, eyes red. "Not with her wooden legs and arms! I beg of you, release me from your service!"
You sip your coffee, and mull it over for a moment. "So let me get this straight. You've got six kids, of toddler age, that your wife can't look after because she's made primarily out of pool cues or something, and you can't look after 'cause you're too busy being my mount." You take a sip of your coffee. "You want more time and money, so you're looking to move on from being Son of Budget Horse and get a proper job. Of course, I can't go without a mount of some kind. However, I think I can see a common solution to our problems."
You look down upon Son of Budget Horse, and smile. "Build me a chariot, Son of Budget Horse. Build me a mighty chariot, with six sets of reins. And I shall make your problems go away."
Later that morning, the chariot is ready. Jane looks on, her one good eye full of tears, as you harness Son of Budget Horse's children to the chariot.
"Now, there's no bloody way I'll remember all your names," you proclaim, "so from now on you're all called Jules."
"Be good for Bosth, kidsth," lisps Jane, drool dangling from her hare lip. "Sthtay good."
"No tears, darling," says Son of Budget Horse. "This is what's best for all of us, Boss especially."
"They grow up stho fastht!" wails Jane, as you crack your whip and ride off into the morning sun.
Your mount has been upgraded! You now ride Grandchildren of Budget Horse!
And you're still going to Hell!
