"Balloon's out, but don't panic, we've got a chute and it's a long way down yet." - most common thing for me to say when my crew is competent. They're usually on the armour before I realise it's time to repair it.
"Someone stay on the armour, and another to the balloon, please?"
And from a very experienced Engineer I had on my crew while trying to explain the basics of flight to his level 1 partner in saving-us-from-fiery-death: "Have you never seen Up? THE BALLOON IS EVERYTHING!" - pretty sure the new guy found an emergency teleport function to reach the balloon every time it was about to die after that. I've since picked up the line and used a few variations.
"Sorry guys, that was my bad" or sometimes just "my bad" or "nothing you could do there" - I screwed up and got the ship killed. Usually used with new players on the crew to reassure them that it wasn't something they did wrong. Sometimes with new people I like even if they did screw up, though that's less common, and only if I also screwed up and made their job harder.
And my list of drunken commands:
"Shoot the thing on the right! Aim for that one, no, the OTHER that one! Here, I'll mark it!" *marks the one they just shot by accident* "Shoot the one I didn't mark!" NOTE: This is a more common occurrence than I'd like to admit. My mouse precision is quite the opposite of "precise" when I've had more than a couple of vodka mixers.
"Man the fore guns!" or "Man the front guns!" Usually as captain, but sometimes while engineering. Always said when there is a maximum of ZERO enemies in front of the ship, and almost exclusively while on board a Galleon. A notable variation of this was "manning the port gun!" while playing as a gunner on a Squid. With a captain who was also drunk and managed to make "
" into a sound that was clearly audible through the mic.
"Sorry. I'm verry drunk" - On Captain channel after hitting a teammate, or on crew channel if it was terrain. NOTE: If I'm not rolling the "r" in "very" I'm probably close to sobering up. If I omit the "very" altogether, I'll probably be fine in the next match. If I'm saying this on captain's channel, I've usually just said "OH **** THAT WAS A SHIP!" on the crew channel.
"HELP EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE!" - usually it's only the balloon and/or hull and maybe one weapon or engine. If we're ACTUALLY all on fire I tend to calm down and respond more intelligently... usually. The main exception is when I already know it's too late... and was probably my own fault.