Author Topic: Character discussions?  (Read 22822 times)

Offline Samantha Vosh

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Re: Character discussions?
« Reply #30 on: June 13, 2014, 06:35:00 pm »
I think the time is right for my two pennies to be added. I hope you will enjoy the story. Certainly was for me, to write a piece of history for the crew that I came up with. It's not so much a piece about how my character, Samantha, got into her clothes and organization. But rather how she completed the look and became a full on gunner on the Pyramidion. I apologize in advance if it's perhaps too long.

=====

Six years ago.

Amongst the rocky outcrops, as high as the clouds themselves a Pyramidion was flying. It's engines at full throttle and trying to use the rocks to stay out of line of sight. Slightly less then a kilometer behind it, another was flying. Colored in dark red with a wolf painted on rear the balloon. The occasional flak shot that was brought forth was professionally dodged. However, the pilot of the lead ship had trouble staying calm. “This is some serious bad luck.” He exclaimed, his eyes more to the back of his ship then the front. “I told you we were being watched!” Yelled the woman from the port gun. “If you had just listened we wouldn't be in this mess.” “Any ideas on taking them down? With every corner they're gaining on us.” The pilot almost screamed. She glanced at the engineer on the main deck. “Edison, take over from me, I need to discuss this with Fabian.” She said to the man. The engineer nodded as his answer, going up the small stairs that led up to the main engine and upper port gun. The woman was quicker then him however, jumping from the top of the stairs, to land on the main deck and cover the distance to the helm in almost half the time.

“We need a plan now.” The pilot said the moment she stood beside him. “Yea, a plan of engagement. I think they're Flak and Gatling front. Haven't seen what they got on the side, but we could use our own Flamethrower to throw them off.” Was the quick assessment she gave. Fabian nodded slowly, his attention half taken away. If he hadn't he would had noticed the shot coming right in. “Incoming!” Yelled the engineer as his eyes tracked the shot. The pilot distracted could not make the turn in time. The shot landing square on the main engine. Immediately allowing the chaser to close the distance faster. Fabian cursed loudly and shook his head. “Sam, give them hell.” The woman's lips curled in a grin. Immediately she bolted to the Flamethrower at the back. At the same time the pilot put the ship in a hard port turn. Getting the ship's side to the other. Immediately a Gatling started to fire from the pursuer. The bullets hitting the metal plating violently and putting strain on the armor module. Edison was just fixing the main engines and ran down to give the component a quick fix up.

The distance between the ships didn't remain that large, the momentum of the chasing ship causing it to get precariously close. Just too close as Samantha opened up with the weapon. A cone of fire spewing forth that quickly covered the entirety of the enemy Pyramidion. Causing fires over the entirety of the ship, to the point that the person at the Flak had to abandon his station to help repairing. Sam, however, did not let up. Putting the entire canister of fuel into the enemy. The moment it was empty she let go of the weapon. Running across the deck again and hurrying up the ladder. Almost in sync the pilot put the engines in reverse as the front got pointed to the other Pyramidion. “Edison, get on the guns!” He yelled to the engineer. “Am going!” Edison answered, following the gunner up the ladder to the upper walk way. But before they could even get on the guns the enemy Gatling was firing again. Putting large holes in the ship and pushing the armor further down.

Halfway through the woman grabbed the handles of her own Gatling, returning fire with as much fury, if not more. The enemy didn't keep their distance in the mean time. Seeming to put as much speed forward as possible. Fabian noticed the blades turning as fast as they could and mirrored it by putting his ship in full reverse. “What are the chances of surviving this?” He yelled up as his eyes locked with the other pilot. It was then that Edison got on the Scylla Mortar launcher and just emptied it into the ship. The explosions throwing out debris of the enemy ships, knocking out the front guns but not damaging the ship all that much. Samantha had reload the next clip of ammo into the Gatling and opened up again. “Below half if this keeps up. We're lacking a fourth person!” The gunner answered quickly. Finding the moment of no return fire to be pleasant for a change, on the other hand. But even she noticed that the space between the ships was decreasing.

The pilot glanced again to the rear and what he saw almost surprised him. A cliff face was rapidly approaching. His mind went in overdrive and he ordered. “Sam! Flamethrower now!” Without hesitation the woman let the half empty Gatling go and jumped over the walkway rail, falling two stories down. She landed perfectly, turning herself into a ball to turn the momentum from vertical to horizontal. The moment Sam had put her feet on the deck Fabian put the ship in the sharpest port turn he could manage. The maneuver causing damage to the ship's engines as long as it held up. “Edison, keep the balloon fixed!” He ordered to the man above. Without a word in return the engineer let go of the Scylla and put his full attention on the balloon. “Burn their balloon!” He quickly followed up. The Pyramidion narrowly missed the rocks. It's turn just in time to give a hair of space. For the pursuers however, the cliff came as a surprise. Simultaneously the woman opened up the flames again, putting the balloon a light as fast the weapon could spew out fuel. Just as the tip of the chasing Pyramidion buried into the rock. The metal collapsing in on itself as the ship's inertia could not cope with this obstacle. The beam structure around the balloon quickly collapsing in on itself and puncturing the fabric. Allowing the gases inside to take fire as well. Fabian quickly put the engines to max forward, canceling the momentum of his own ship as he watched the other balloon burn.

At this point, the enemy could not recover anymore. The ship plunging until it's hull found the canyon floor. Samantha had by now thrown in two canisters worth of fire onto the enemy ship. The grin on her face telling everyone she was eager to put in a third if it meant the destruction of that ship. Fabian took a deep breath and yelled. “Sam, hold fire!” The woman just glanced at him, her expression not having changed at all. The pilot didn't like it. His eyes went up and followed the engineer going down the ladder, hurrying to the armor module to fix all the strain on it. Fabian then put the ship in a slow dive, closing the distance to their crippled enemies on the ground. Ordering again to the woman. “Hold your fire.” This time, he got more reaction. Samantha turning to him with a frown, but no confirmation whether she would adhere. He shook his head and her foul expression only increased. “Please take over Edison.” The engineer's eyes went up from the module to the helm, then rushed over to relieve the pilot. “I got it mate.” The man quietly said as he took over.

Fabian almost stomped over to the woman. Once there he took her wrists, pulled them up, forcing her to let go of the weapon, and frowned just as foul back. “I said hold your fire. Have trouble understanding that?” Her eyes did not turn away, a staring contest ensued, as she answered the pilot. “I have no trouble understanding. But they should be wrecked and left there.” “Left to die you mean? I don't agree with that. I will not have dead people on my name in my first week of owning this ship!” He stated fiercely. The two stared some more, Samantha not answering. She then closed her eyes, letting him win and pushed herself away from him. Defeated she softly responded. “Fine. I will not fire at them. But it better be worth it.”

Fabian sighed in return, shaking his head as he went to the main deck. The leftover hull just coming into view. The balloon of the defeated Pyramidion having fallen of the ship onto the ground below. The enemy crew standing there, unarmed, their arms up and their gazes lowered. Edison had done a good job of putting the ship right next to theirs. Allowing people to easily cross over to the either ship. Sam, meanwhile, sat down on the edge beside the Flamethrower. Her eyes fixed on the four people. Fabian took a deep breath and said to them. “I will not kill you now. You have been defeated and I think that's a loss enough as it is. However, I have some rules that need to be established. If you break them, you will lose more. First of all, any attempt on hijacking this ship is forbidden, if you do. You will most likely not survive. Second, what's on your ship is now mine. Supplies, food, money. The only exception being you and your clothes. Third, you will listen to all of us. And last, do not complain. See us as kind hosts willing to put you off in a town. Don't make us not be kind.” The only woman of the defeated crew stepped forward, looking up to the man that stood just a small gap away. “I admit my defeat and surrender. You're kind to allow us on your ship and bring us to the next town.” She politely stated. Fabian nodded once and he said. “You have permission to come aboard.”

The four then helped get their stuff across. Their every moment observed and taken in by at least Samantha or Fabian. When they were done, the four bridged the gap and got onto the main deck. It was at this point that Samantha got on her feet and slowly approached them, observing them. Looking intently at them. Until she found the one thing that had caught her interest. With a few steps she got up to the defeated pilot and grinned. Taking hold of the black spectacles the woman was wearing. Carefully Sam took them of and put them on her own face. The grin not leaving her face as she quietly said to her. “Thank you.” At a distance Fabian saw it happen. And quietly allowed it to.

Offline BdrLineAzn

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Re: Character discussions?
« Reply #31 on: June 13, 2014, 07:04:40 pm »
Just needed to write something, been a while but I figured I'll write on how my character started on his journey. I may as well write a second piece, expanding on a flashback in the Burning Skies.

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The Central Market, the largest business and commercial zone of Chang-ning is hustling and bustling as citizens from all classes make their way around the market. Vehicles line the streets picking up or dropping off passengers to making deliveries to the different stores. Shouts are heard as stall owners compete with one another for the attention of local buyers.

Today seems like any other day, noon is approaching as cafes and restaurants start setting up for the lunch rush. People are coming and going buying anything that catches interest to their eye. Suddenly a distant rumbling noise can be heard. Stopping what they are currently doing, heads turn to the incoming sound. Down the street a small dust cloud can be seen, growing bigger as it approaches the section of the Market. Adding to the rumbling noise, shouts and screams of terror can be heard as the dust cloud comes into view. Kicking up the dust is a herd of cattle stampeding down the street. Leading in the front are two young men in their early twenties running for their lives and yelling for people to get off the streets.

Quickly complying, the crowd of people rush to the side and inside the buildings or into their vehicles. The stampede continues down the street knocking down stalls, outdoor dining tables, to damaging the vehicles still in the streets. In the ensuing chaos, some men brave the cattle and rush into the stampede hoping to wrestle down a few of the beasts and slowing down the herd. Soon, either the few people that entered to slow down the herd or the cattle simply ran out of energy, the stampede dies down and the cattle are seen stopping and looking for water.

As the dust settles, people are coming out of the safety of the buildings and take in sight before them. Litter along the streets are the remains of stalls and their different wares. Out in the distance, a new sound emerges, not that of running cattle but of cherry sirens. Responding to a call during the stampede, the Imperial Police is quickly dispatched to straighten out the situation.

For the two men that were in front of the stampede, they are at the end of the destruction. The two, all dusty and battered, look at one another and laugh. Patting each others back and a few exchange of words, they hear the incoming sirens and their faces drop. Looking at the direction to where the sirens are coming from, the pair look at one another before giving a fist bump and running off in two directions.

~Twelve Minutes Earlier~

"This is idiotic, why did you make me agree anyway?"

"One, this is going to be fun. And two I'm your best friend and you will follow me everywhere."

Two young men, both twenty-one, are sneaking down along a wall. Currently they are by the cattle housing for the auction house for livestock.

"I don't always follow you everywhere," says the doubtful friend,"and the last time you said it would be 'fun' we almost burned down the Archives with those fireworks."

Finding a low enough wall, one of the two clasp his hands together and lifts the other's foot so that he can get on top of the wall. Sitting comfortable on the edge, the one on the wall lowers one of his arms so that the one on the ground can be pulled up. Now with the pair sitting on the wall, they hop down to the other side where they see a herd of grazing  cattle.

"Ok, I'll admit that was a stupid idea, but this one is harmless. We are just going cow tipping, nothing dangerous about it."

"Fine, I'll go along with this, but seriously where do you come up with these ideas. I'm starting to question your mental state."

"You've been questioning my sanity since we've been thirteen. And you are the one to talk, I mean you hang out with your cousin who works with a mercenary guild."

"That's a job with occupational hazards, what we are doing is childish."

"Yada yada, you say potato I say potatoe, almost the same thing." he says with a roll of his eyes, "Hey there's a good one, ready?"

"Alright then, ok I'm ready."

"On the count of three.....1,2,3!"

With a heave, the pair pushes the cattle over. A startled moo escapes from the mouth of the mammal.

Chuckling, the doubtful friend says to the other, "That was fine I have to admit."

"Good, we got a few more todo."

For the next five minutes, the duo has knocked over at least a handful of cattle. Slightly sweating and laughing at the beasts, they are about to walk out until they feel a heavy snort on the back of their neck. Stopping and slowly turning around, they are faced with a giant bull staring down at the two, more so at the doubtful friend.

The first friend follow the eyes of the bull and to where he was starting at. There he sees that his friend has a red dust scarf around his neck.

Still not moving from his spot, the first friend says to his second, "Uk Niko, please tell me you are not wearing a red scarf and that the bull is not real and ready to kill us"

Gulping, Niko replies," Um ok, I'm not wearing a red scarf and that there is no bull ready to kill us."

"Hmm, it doesn't look that way, I can sees the bull still staring at us. I know, while the bull has his attention on you, I'll go and find some help. Ok just stay put."

The first friend starts to back away slowly, not taking his eyes off the bull. Reaching a distance that seems safe, he turns and starts to run.

"BdrLine? Bdr? Azn!?," turning around, Niko sees that his friend has booked it. Staring back to the bull, he sees that his eyes has turn red and growls making Niko turn and run.

The load growl startles the rest of the herd as they see the alpha bull running off in one direction. Following the leader, the rest soon goes off into a gallop into a full run.

Back to the running two, Niko catches up to BdrLine who is trying to open the gate.

"Nice trying to find help and leaving me."

"Now is not the time Niko."

"Just get that thing open," turning back he sees that instead of the single bull the whole herd is rushing towards them. Going wide eye, he says to his friend, "Hurry up Bdr!! We got a bigger problem!!"

Looking up from the lock to the scene before him, he goes wide eye as well. Fumbling with the lock, BdrLine works with his pick trying to get it open. With a click, the lock opens and BdrLine tears off the lock from the door opening it. Running out of the open door, Niko and BdrLine starts off down the road, unknowingly towards the Central Market.

As they run, the duo screams to people they pass by.

"Look out, stampede!"
"Get off the streets if you value your lives!"
"Watch out, run away cattle!"

In the background, they can hear a very loud scream and almost make out someone saying something about cabbages.

Not looking back at carnage they are leaving, they spot a telephone pole and quickly race up to escape the herd. Hanging on, the herd pass underneath them and soon they slow to a stop.

Climbing down, the two sweep off some of the dust they gathered and turn to each other. Bursting into uncontrollable laughter and have to hold to one another. Patting their back, they wipe off some of their tears.

Giving a sigh of relieve, Niko says to BdrLine, "Ahh okay, that was fun. Didn't like almost getting killed again, but fun."

"See I told you, got to trust me Niko."

As they continue to laugh again, they stop as they hear a oh so familiar sound. Turning to the direction, the every growing cherry sirens comes near. Looking at one another for the last time, they give a quick fist bump and run off in different directions.

Leaving the scene, BdrLine sees the damages that has been done. Groaning to himself, he runs down the road of destruction hoping not to be caught.

Oh this is going to cost mom and dad a lot

Soon he hears voices behind him and assume that the police has figured who have done it and is now chasing him.

"ZHAOOO, come back here. You won't get away this time!!"

Oh great, it's Chief Dye. He had to come as well.

BdrLine yells back, "Hey there Chief, nice seeing you here. But I have a explanation for this."

"Then stop running so we can bring you in!"

"Hey, I didn't say that I did this all I said was I have an explanation. I do love to stay and chat, but I don't feel like staying in my usual room. So cya"

Taking an alleyway, BdrLine jumps and hides into a dumpster. He listen and waits as footsteps heads into the alley and stops.

"Where'd he go?"

"I don't know. Come on, he shouldn't have gotten far."

As soon as the footsteps fades away, he comes out of his hiding spot and runs off the opposite of the officers.

That was a close one. I don't think they ate going to let this one slide.

"There he is! Get him!"

"Oh flak."

Seeing that he has been spotted, BdrLine goes off into another sprint. He soon finds himself to the docks that connects to the Central Market and finds a Junker about to leave. Finding that the cost is clear of police, BdrLine runs across the docks and jumps on board. Standing on the deck, BdrLine look back at the dock and finds that the police are now searching the area 

Wiping his forehead, he gives a sigh of relief, "Whew that was close."

"What was close.", a voice behind him says.

Startled, BdrLine turns around and find himself staring at a elder man.

"Oh um nothing."

The man, presumably the captain of the ship, looks over BdrLine's shoulder and notices the police searching the docks.

"I doesn't look like its nothing. Looks like some police trouble. Now I have half of my mind telling me to go back and turn you in."

BdrLine's face pale at the sight of having to face the consequences.

"But I'm a little undermanned at the moment, so unless you are good with tools, I'll turn a blind eye."

"Tools and machinery? I can handle that, I did a bit of mechanical work from time to time."

The captain then goes over and picks up a tool belt on top of a crate and toss it to him.

"Good, now check my main engine. She's been sputtering lately. And what's your name lad if your are going to work with me."

Catching the tool belt, BdrLine clasp it around his waist and turns to the captain, "Azn Zhao, but people calls me BdrLine."

"Well Azn Zhao, but people calls me BdrLine, names Zankief. Now go and check that engine. I want to be at Ho Tower in two days."

"Aye aye."

Giving a mock salute BdrLine heads down to the bottom deck and starts his work. Not know that it's the start of a new adventure.

Offline macmacnick

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Re: Character discussions?
« Reply #32 on: June 13, 2014, 10:02:11 pm »
Bdr, May I incorporate that into my RP doc?

Offline BdrLineAzn

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Re: Character discussions?
« Reply #33 on: June 13, 2014, 10:15:27 pm »
Go ahead, also I changed my character's age to a few years back so that it will match when I redo the flashback.

In one of the Skies stories, I made him around 27, I age him back to 24

Offline Shadak Shademore

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Re: Character discussions?
« Reply #34 on: June 14, 2014, 01:43:21 pm »
Nice one Samatha! Definatly don't want to be in your sights.

Offline Shadak Shademore

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Re: Character discussions?
« Reply #35 on: June 14, 2014, 01:55:44 pm »
Bdr... wow... made me laugh!

Offline Khayrum

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Re: Character discussions?
« Reply #36 on: June 23, 2014, 08:05:58 pm »
Ok, sorry if its kinda crappy. Really new to this kind of stuff

"So you want to my story? Why not, I got time".

I was born in Nalm. Raised like any other poor kid there. Worked with my father when I was old enough to at least earn some coin. I left home at 17. Honestly, It was in pursuit of of the Elites daughters. I thought if I could make something of myself and get behind those walls, not as a laborer but as one of the Elites, she would marry me. What? You want her name? Honestly I have drunken myself to the point I barely remember anyone from that accursed place. But as you can see, I obviously did not make it behind those walls. So onward with the story, I found work at a Gun Smith. I always loved guns and learned everything I could being a lower class in Nalm. We have very few books, but there are always spare guns and parts for ships that come through. I worked until I had enough coin to buy my own ship. Well make is a more appropriate term. It was a junker but it got the job done. It took a few years but when I got I didn't know where to begin. 19 years old, my own ship I have no clue how to fly, and no knowledge of other places to go trade with. I looked around town, mainly the bars, and got help. I was an expert gunner but everything else to do on a ship I couldn't do. A few days after I got the crew together, The Gun Smith gave us our first assignment. A friend of his had acquired some Hades Light Cannons. Those would see big and we were tasked to pick them up. His friend was in Sarin and thankfully it was to far from Nalm. My first time away from home. It was so exciting I couldnt believe it. The first day and night on our voyage went smoothly, The food was good and the ale was strong. We though this was going to be an easy task and a great way to start our Merchant business. Boy, were we wrong. About noon the second day we were ambushed by pirates. The junker I built only had two side guns, and those I had to haggle from the Gun Smith I was helping. The did little damage to the pirates Pyramidions. They latched on, and killed the captain. The Pirates captain gave us an ultimatum, Join him or die. The other two crew members chose death, not wanting to destroy their honor. Myself I enjoyed life to much and joined the Pirates. Captain Roberts was his name. Honestly not a bad guy but after three years a militia from Nalm got us. I jumped ship and started walking through the desert. A merchant ship found me a few days later and offered me transport back to Nalm. Gratefully I accepted. Returning to my home, I went to the taverns. Turns out Captain Roberts wasn't the only person from the pirate crew that was known. A lot of people talked about a gunner on the crew who was an expert marksman. That gunner of course was me. So now Im doing mercenary work, found a merchant Galleon that needed a good gunner and thats how I ended up here in the Burning Skies Saloon. The Galleon captain pays good, but there is always someone who pays better. Oh, my outfit? You are wondering why I choose to wear this? Well its simple, Captain Roberts was Japanese. He required everyone to wear Samurai like outfits. It represented power and control. Something we had. But thats all in the past and the outfit kinda grew on me. So I just kept wearing it. Now that's my story, If there is anything else I can help you with I will be happy to help, for the right coin of course.

Offline Hunter.

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Re: Character discussions?
« Reply #37 on: June 24, 2014, 02:36:09 pm »
Nice story, I enjoyed the narrative and the way that I could picture you sat there in front of me in a bar telling me your story =D

Offline Dr Pantaleon

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Re: Character discussions?
« Reply #38 on: June 29, 2014, 12:18:17 pm »
Good evening to you too, my friend.
No, I don't mind. Please, have a seat. Can I offer you a glass of wine? No? Very well.
So what was makes you disturb that reading chap in the corner of the tavern? You don't seem like a captain looking for a crew and I know I don't seem like a jack looking for work, so was it the nobleman's garb or the book on cellular physiology? I do admit that neither of them is a very common sight down here.
Just want to know my story? That's fine, curiosity never killed anyone. Well, it actually has killed quite a few but that's beside the point. It's actually pretty much what brought me here, you see? “The pursuit of knowledge.” Has quite the ring to it when you say it that way, doesn't it?

I come from an old noble family in the Fjord Baronies. Don't bother asking for the name, you wouldn't know it. There are so many houses, every peasant in the Baronies can find some noble blood somewhere in his ancestry.
My house was one of the unlucky ones. One of those that used to be great and powerful  but made a few bad choices along the way. Nowadays all my family does is swagger through a crumbling castle, pretending that they're still as big as they used to be. Clinging to a dream world and trying to polish a facade that didn't fool any one.
I know I shouldn't complain. Life as a baron comes with a lot of amenities. I had a personal tutor, a fencing master, I even went to the College of Physiology at Ravenrook, but what use is it if you freeze to death because you can't afford the petroleum to keep the heaters running in winter?
I wish I could say that I tried to change things, I wish I'd tried to restore my family's former glory but I didn't. It's a great feeling, being part of a bloodline that stretches back until before the Great War, you know? And that history is all my house has left. If I had admitted that those centuries of adhering to tradition had ruined our house, I would have thrown all that away. So I ran with it.
My brother would inherit the lands and titles and I was to become a physician. I'm fairly glad that I was born second. Don't like politics, never did. Prefer to keep to myself.

Funny thing to say, right? A physician who doesn't like people, that's not a very reassuring thought, is it?
Don't get me wrong, medicine is a fascinating subject. I'm still reading books on it, as you can see. Again, it's the people who are the problem. Most of those doctors see their profession as an art form rather than a field of science. It's all just about making a diagnosis and administering the right cure. Nobody seems to care why an inflammation of the liver makes your skin turn yellow or why newts can regrow their limbs but humans can't. There is no curiosity involved what so ever, and when you try to find out yourself they expulse you.
Don't look at me like that! Nobody got injured. Well, depends on how you define “injured”.

So that's essentially why I left the Baronies. For the pursuit of knowledge. I try to find people who know more than I do and listen to what they have to say. And when I do my own research I don't have to wait for authorisation from some fusty committee.
I quit the university... three years ago? Feels like so much longer. You say I look older? Yes, I hear that a lot.
I'm no doctor, gods no. Don't actually want to be associated with that bunch, but I'm probably the closest you'll find in this city.

I get by rather well by patching up overly enthusiastic powder monkeys or riggers who fell from the ropes. And when nobody needs patching up, I patch up the ship.
I have by no means the same knowledge of engines as a trained mechanic or a shipwright, but a basic understanding of physics can get you quite far. You'd be surprised how many technicians I had to tell not to work on electrical devices with metal tools while the current is switched on- You know not to do that, right? Please tell me you do.

You really look like you could use a drink. Go ahead and try the wine. I can't understand the craze about that moonshine you lot keep drinking all the time. All it's good for is sanitising wounds and studying the mechanisms of blindness.
That's pretty much all there is to say about me. You look like quite the character yourself, so what's your story?




This is a great thread, and I finally had a reason to elaborate my character.
« Last Edit: June 29, 2014, 12:22:14 pm by Dr Pantaleon »

Offline Hunter.

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Re: Character discussions?
« Reply #39 on: June 30, 2014, 11:09:18 am »
Pantaleon, Your story put a huge smile on your face.. just the picture of a posh British gentlemen in a tavern sipping whine, surrounded by bulky, dirty engineers chugging moonshine as the gent reads his book and sips his wins, someone from the gallery! get on drawing this scene!

Offline Dr Pantaleon

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Re: Character discussions?
« Reply #40 on: June 30, 2014, 05:00:09 pm »
Heh, thank you! I was pretty much grinning to myself the entire time while writing it.

Offline Hunter.

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Re: Character discussions?
« Reply #41 on: June 30, 2014, 05:22:01 pm »
Pantaleon, Your story put a huge smile on your face.. just the picture of a posh British gentlemen in a tavern sipping whine, surrounded by bulky, dirty engineers chugging moonshine as the gent reads his book and sips his wins, someone from the gallery! get on drawing this scene!

Wow, I could not spell Wine that whole post....

Offline Piemanlives

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Re: Character discussions?
« Reply #42 on: June 30, 2014, 05:59:59 pm »
I know the feeling.

Offline Imagine

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Re: Character discussions?
« Reply #43 on: July 01, 2014, 12:35:45 pm »
So, just something that I've had in mind for a while, I'll probably write another entry later.


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The thick coin spun rapidly in midair.

It was golden, the light from the flames showing the gleam that only true gold can, shining through the muck and grime that covered most of it. Time slowed while the coin flipped to its apex, and through the stench and heat of burning fuel which burned his nostrils, through the haze of smoke and the blood from the cut on his forehead he tried to make out the figure who had thrown it. Laying face down on the slick wooden deck of the ruined junker, all but one arm and head buried by rubble, he tried to reach to rub his eyes but found he no longer had the strength to. He licked his lips, meaning to work moisture back into his mouth, staring at the indistinct figure behind the coin, the figure who remained shrouded in the starry sky behind the flames. The figure stood still, as if waiting, anticipating something.

And then the coin fell, bouncing on edge in front of his eyes that peered into the darkness beyond, with a noise that boomed through his head, startling and pulling him out of his trance-like gaze. The boots of the figure spun, moon shining off the polished blackness. The feet that wore it hesitated for a fraction of a moment as if the owner of them had been disappointed, and then they strode away, off into the night.

The coin bounced once, twice more, then rolled in a circle before stopping in front his face. The flames continued to burn away the fuel in the mangled engines, and slowly the rest of the remains of the ship started to crackle and pop, the flames smoldering and advancing towards him slowly but surely. Suddenly the weight of the debris on top of him was even greater, and his meek struggles to free himself worked only to collapse it more. He stopped, closed his eyes, and concentrated on his breathing. He blocked out the acrid fumes, focusing only on the movement on his lungs, and the calm came over him after a few moments. His eyes snapped open, the world suddenly bright, the flames so intense now that he nearly recoiled from the the pain in his eyes. He forced himself to focus on the coin in front of him, the light flickering around the imperfect grooves around the edges of it tantalizingly, in a manner that was dark and alluring. The coin begged to be held, and he would oblige.

He would not die here. The owner of that coin would pay.

The owner of that coin must pay.

Offline Dr Pantaleon

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Re: Character discussions?
« Reply #44 on: July 01, 2014, 04:57:54 pm »
Nicely done, Imagine! Evokes great emotions. No unnecessary descriptions of backstory or environment, they would only have seemed clunky and out of place. The main character knows his ship, why should he bother explaining it? I like the pacing, the imagery and the captivating plot.
I'm looking forward to see how this pans out!

(Sorry if this got too analytical, it might be an occupational disease ;) )