Author Topic: Remuneration to an epicure  (Read 1650 times)

Offline Insanegorey

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Remuneration to an epicure
« on: December 24, 2014, 06:56:41 pm »
some RP whatever yea.
"Sweat. Thats what I think is the most disgusting bodily fluid."
The men gathered around the table, cards in hand, looked slowly up at the person who had just spoken.
The man who had just spoken was Louis, an unremarkable pilot, but frequent engineer.
"Sweat?" asked one of the men.
"Well, yes. I mean, you push liquid out of your skin. And your skin comes into contact with 'bout everything. Hence, most disgusting." replied Louis.
"As that may be, flushing the beans, and the beans in general, are vastly more disgusting." said another man.
Louis stood up, slightly annoyed at his audience, but primarily because he was losing.
"The Beans? The beans are natural, you fool! Same with desert water, it has existed with us for thousands of years! But sweat can be avoided!"
Around the table the men put their winning hands down and rested their hands of pocket cannons of varying strength.
"Why, all my money ive touched, and I wipe the beans with my hands! Natural as can be!"
Off their guns the mens hands went, and towards the bathroom in disgust their feet carried them.
Sighing in relief, Louis nudged his head sideways while eyeing a crewman of his, Grum.
Grum was also unremarkable, except for the fact that he was a midget, or dwarf, Grum didnt know the difference, and nor did Louis.
Over came Grum, quickly grabbing the money on the table and sloshing it into his pockets.
Louis was doing this as well, but his pockets of his large, worn overcoat had holes in them, making the money fall out of his pockets and onto the floor.
Louis didnt realize this.
After a short period of time, say fourty seconds, Louis felt that he had collected enough money from those poor fools in the bathroom.
And he felt light as a feather. Probably a combination of my absurd strength and adrenaline, Louis thought.
However, a man came out of the bathroom, with a mighty fierce look on his face, that of someone who had been washing supposed "bean" juice of his hands in hot water for twenty seconds.
And out he came, with his gun leading the way, pointed at Louis.
"Ah, so you first wipe your filthy bean-covered hands over my money, and then you steal it?"
Louis and Grum held up their hands, of which were full of money.
"Oh, I am going to have one helluva time, now arent I?"
Louis, in his desperate genius, yelled out.
"Look, a male prostitute!"
Confused, the man lowered his gun ever so slightly, and gave a questioning look towards Louis.
And like a whip, Louis had his hands on his revolver and pumped a few rounds of quality glass-infused metal into the mans chest.
The shot, of course was loud, and the six or so men in the bathroom came rushing out, guns drawn.
Louis had the sense to hide his gun before the men came out, and then clutched his chest.
"He shot me and is trying to steal your money!" cried Louis.
A hailstorm of bullets came down over the man, further killing an already dead man.
Louis and Grum decided it would be wise to leave this town for a while.
Passing through the main, and only, street, towards their ship, they saw a collection of astonished faces watching them run with money in their hands.
The men back in the "trading and training" house where starting to realize that the man they had just killed had in fact, not taken their money.
The conversation went something like this:
"Hey, where is the money this guy stole?"
"It aint in his pockets, all thats here is a book and some loose sand!"
"Whered those other guys go?"
"Who, the hobo and the midget?"
"Midget aint the word you ingrate, its dwarf!"
"Who cares, lets get them, they probably know where our money is!"
And thus the men ran out and went down the main, and, once again, only, street in town, towards the docks.
The dockkeeper asked for a fee before the ship could be removed from parking.
"You must pay a fee for parking here." said the Dockkeeper.
"Right, here take this." said Louis as he handed a fistful of bills.
"Exact Change, please." said the Dockkeeper.
"Keep it all, just let the ship in slot B go, and hurry, we, uh, my wife is... pregnant!" exclaimed Louis.
"Your Wife? Pregnant?" said the Dockkeeper, looking at Grum.
"well, she aint much of a looker, but boy aint she a great wife?" grinned Louis.
"Uh, Right, here you go, ship in B dock unlocked. Good Luck, miss." Said the Dockkeeper.
Grum grunted.
Louis revved the engines to life on the Pyramdion Model J-B Custom, a souped up version of the shittiest model, the Model J-B.
Grum oiled up the rear engines and made sure all was in working order.
"Grum, we all set?"
"Well, the ship is falling apart slowly, and the ballo-"
"Good Enough!"
Off they pushed, out into the desert wastes, pushing towards the next town. Gunfire erupted from behind, but Louis couldnt hear it over the sound of victory.
Grum went up to Louis, with some unpleasent news.
"Louis, they are following."
"In what? A bullet? They will never catch up!"
"Theyve got a Serpent, Louis."
"What the hell is that?"
"Well, you know a squid and a spire?"
"Imagine you layed a spire down lengthwise and gave it the speed of a squid."
"Oh. Grum, take over the wheel."
Louis handed off the wheel to Grum, and walked briskly to the back of the ship.
On the back deck, next to the rear gun and main engine, Louis looked back with his ocular lense.
"Oh my."
Rather quickly descending the stairs, Louis went into the inner cabin, where the accelerants were stored.
Back up the stairs he went, and then poured about three gallons of rather potent stuff into the engine.
Forward they bolted, and away from their pursuers they went, but not before a few good hits from the mercury field gun hit them.
"Well, Grum, the main engine is, quite, uh, wrecked."
Grum grunted. Another day with Louis and he would jump off this flying bucket willingly.