Gentlemen I'll have to stop your there temporarily because I felt like reading this from the beginning to see what I missed out in joining in quite late and decided to make myself the self appointed scribe of this thread and rewrite the whole thing... Almost an hour and a half so that's like 1 page a minute, woot!
The funniest parts for me were Sunderland getting harassed :3
This entire time I was worrying I'd get to a page and find someone had already rewrote everything up to that point and I'd have to *facepalm* myself over and over. Phew...
The story began when Johnson first said
The start of my adventures in the island of make believe, Mr. Johnson said slowly. As he raised his revolver against the golden platypus, it spoke to a dark yearning to commit murder against frosty little gingerbread men. Johnson put down his ridiculously large gun and ate it with a large spoon and knife. Johnson then abbreviated his mental condition which turned out to be Psychotic Academic Xenophobia (PAX). He stared at his sword which was a spoon. Only he could write history anew, all by swallowing a flaming chainsaw. For he was about to embark on an ostrich which was wielding a smaller ostrich with Copperfields' hat which suddenly managed to summon the great wall of Ramen Sushi to help fight against a minor dwarf.
The dwarf leaped between various assorted shelves of bread towards Mr. Johnson whose mental condition was seriously questionable and really quite delusional. The hallucination that ensued in his head started to dance around with the platypus whos’ tail was constantly exploding with techno music awesomeness, from this awesomeness spawned a beaked dragon and killed many different types of colourful mimes made of frosting.
Along the journey Johnson acquires some ninja training which he can shoot lasers from his fingertips, as well Johnsons' laser fingers can release small shots of whiskey made by Yiski. Yiski Whiskey contributed to Johnsons' hallucinations allowing the dwarf to grow a massive kazoo-shaped mango and he ate heartily from the stockpile that pixies painstakingly stole from the Platypus Overlords. It was then a giant stuffed marmalade dragon heaved on the back of a whale whose tulip gardens were the envy of all volcanoes in the land.
Johnson cowered before Zill as he realised how OP the Nerf crossbow was compared to pushy airships and a jell-o Velociraptor. Zill then fires and stuck his OP to his raptor rocket launcher and shot it at Sgt. Spoon who called up an overpowered Junker whos rainbow balloon was a pony captained by the universe famous chipmunk. Johnson dug a trench, in which a mammoth bone began glowing with supernatural powers from Gods' RPG which exploded in the concaves of Johnsons' manly nervous system every damn forum had ever wanted.
A combo breaker broke a combo that was quite long and hard much like Johnsons' lower intestine in three hundred years. With the flick of a switch the tiled floor became a mosaic death trap of hungry potatoes and sharks with "lasers". Enthralled by the idea of flabbergastingly. Johnson teleported to the kingdom of metres. Colourful manoeuvres couldn't prevent Johnson from being mad and sexy so when the clock struck 9:00, soon some hipster chipmunks and Captain Copperfield suddenly dropped dead. And trips forward in time towards a psychedelic sky. Copperfield awoke with an embarrassed platypus who gave birth to a massive Sky Whale who gave birth to Lord Dick Tim.
His obsession with cloud whales evident, Tim attacked Johnson with spirit fingers and copyrighted attacks which uncopyrighted themselves none may discuss whether he tried a great spirit for mass murder. Was unclear however the universe exploded. We watched from the darkness of the necromancers' soul though necromancy is bound by the floppy tailcoat of Commodore Lockhearts' little pet badger, Beatrice with the power of 40 little walnuts that are radioactive with love. Love radiation transmits through the clouds summoning the amours from skies unknown. The elders frowned as Lord Mcduffin quacked at the cow and said "Your milk tastes like sharpened lemmings." When clearly the milk was poisoned. Alas with the cow attacking McDuffin none could hear the epic battle in the microwave. McDuffin pulls out his treasured popcorn butter launcher and drowns the microwave in glorious tea!
However none expected the microwave lemmings to gain intelligence. These lemmings used giant microscopic inflating zebras as cavalry, which has lasers to cut through microscopes, telescopes, horoscopes and oscilloscopes. Thus Austro-Hungarian Motor Hammers help the lemmings win their freedom and fight for the glory of MURICA and its apple pie flavoured moonshine, with extra Hair. Slowly it became obvious humanity wanted to overthrow the evil lemmings and the Combine from their status. McDuffin and Cow realised these lemmings will fire rainbow and harvest souls. And hence they wrote a serenade that exploded the combustible lemons causing cataclysmic ecstasy from the North Pole.
Johnson woke up from his gingerbread induced sleep and eviscerated the lemmings to Narnia. Johnson then collapsed on the command of one and kissed a turtle on its buttocks. While making tea the turtle ate small little souls from the Crystal of LockHeart and cows pyjamas. As the evil soul shards focused turtle prepared ninjutsu with silent words he farted loud and gassed everyone with muffin scented gloriously anomalous gases.
While N-Sunderland punched the warp drive to ludicrous speed which hit plaid fabric of universe like a Squid eating a Spire. The resulting explosion created a colourful swarm of bees that lambasted about something while Swallow commented on the mistakes of Qwerty and then fainted. N-Sunderland suddenly appears and disappears again. Before he disappeared he HoneyBadgered the door off of nothing and disappeared into here again where he continued to try and hold Morbie close as their heads came together in a slow speed union of manly and they finally met in disappearance. N-Sunderland died. But was resurrected then died irreversibly. Before he died, he did nothing. Except drinking a nothing. He died.
Moving away from Luxembourg, Johnson shot a magical oxen towing carts of weapon grade plushies which spilled over and caused major panic throughout the city of Detroit. Once the plushies were spotted over Detroit, people laughed thinking them a very nice joke until they shot flying waffle irons where cast away volleyballs control the plushies, nobody could comprehend the cuteness which devoured their time and money. Now destitute from the great atrocity Johnson stumbled into the cave of oblong nuclear chickadees begging for a huge cockamamie chicken that could eat the souls of cliffs and mountains. Creeping in the woodwork was a termite ninja assassin whose fleece was torn and bloodstained. A valiant warrior who worship bacon and shunned whatever potato heresy that extruded starchy badness upon Sunderlands' bacon. One day the assassins' mother levitated Rutabagas over Minneapolis and I pooped
Seven different magicians died. The end.
However a new player kissed RearAdmiralZil reviving him and riding into the sunset. N-Sunderland died. But returned as O-Sunderland the mighty. Crashed his ship. Then Shink came; 'twas his fault. The constant resurrections of P-Sunderlands' soul were non-existent. Death couldn't stop Copperfield. Immortal Sunderland returned but wasn't immortal. but his dog truly despised Sunderland. Nobody ever cared that today David would wear Q-Sunderlands'. All Sunderlands died. But in another universe O-Sunderland is biding his time nowhere at all. Hidden in nothingness, shrouded in darkness, surrounded by gloom he reaches out at your soul and dies forever.
Caught in a landslide, no escape in total darkness the final countdown is counting down! When the countdown counts down things like a countdown. The countdown was very similar to a faster countdown which Mr. Johnson once shat on while riding a multi-coloured ill-tempered Odobenus-Rosmarus. While groping Sunderlands' horses small head as Lockheart drove his gangster unicycle into a hospital in which N-Sunderland had never been. For the Tanith first and only Gaunt asked "Do you like tea?"
"Well, in fact I do." Replied Larkin from his secret moon base in Florida, USA. The moonbase had Freddie Mercury clones armed with massive super tesla guns
which McDuffin command let there be "CHEESE FOR ALL!" And so the water buffalo said,
"Man, you crazy". The Carthaginian responded
"FOR THE EMPEROR!". At which point the space navy boarded the planet using nano-harpoon lasers and elephant warriors, and talked peacefully. He pulls outs techno flammable bacon and married N-Sunderlands' empty mailbox.
N-Sunderland grew angry and committed suicide. His body falling, Johnson ate beetles. But then N-Sunderland was already dead. But was resurrected. He died forever. And then undied, Abraham Lincoln smiled. Abraham took N-Sunderland and gave him nothing. Death everywhere.
Back in purgatory N-Sunderland was judged but nothing happened. His soul was placed in here but it wasn't. Then it was, so once again N-Sunderland was resurrected and found salvation but he wasn’t!: he was dead. Sunderlands’ cursed tomb... lies in the Anvalan grave union of engineers... district 12 where every N-Sunderland never was. Because Coldcurse possessed the mighty ducks who lost every game of snooker they played with the robots of Omicron Persei 8. Therefore, N-Sunderlands’ fate was entirely inconsequential.
While Sunderland humped in Coldcurses’ fantasy, three wise men saw Coldcurses’ perverted dream puking out rainbows and waterfalls made of Moonshine. The wise men instantly recognised this and dreamed, themselves doing as such no harm to any animals were during this production of giant malicious crabs. However, the ten bloodthirsty barbarians ignored OSHAs’ regulations and against all odds they began to construct a bowl of pasta. Trying to defeat everyone was tiring for our heroes but the pasta fair, Ians’ favourite howled in pain as someone ate it, leading to death, the end.
All was lost, save for Johnsons’ assault rifle, which soon died horribly. However, N-Sunderland didn’t seem to exist. For five years, he had eaten cake without fire and with some hemlock, he died. But none mourned him, because he’s an insane pilot with a need for saucy chipmunks. In times like the ones he imagined on the fluffy space unicorn, he came to a realisation that all men are My Little Pony exterminators, which is horrible. That show with snow white and Danny Glover quickly became canniballists rivers and oceans.
T’was a dark pair of slacks that first aroused a duck flying and being shot at by lasers. While Qwerty was being Qwerty at Qwertycon those other Qwertakus’ followed him making Qwerty leader of a pack Qwertys from a Cornish pasty shop start shooting large explosive cakes at their own reflections. These Qwertys are very deadly and expert bakery assassins. But no amount of chocolate filled oversized anime eyes and Vogen poetry could prepare our towels and guides for the total orgy of delicious fish that the dolphins definitely appreciated. However, the mice threw off their gloves for a attempted brain removal. Zee sphess vhales alf lunded un, he said as the scalpel dissolved in his mouth not his hands so then he summoned a dancing Guido slave that fought for freedom but was captured by Johnson who used said slave to seduce a homeless guy. He took the hobo and shoved him into the closet of Copperfields’ hats. There inside, Johnson took the slave and threw hats onto said slave until it got TF2 syndrome, a special disease that causes people to turn into Bacon.
The bacon slave submitted himself to bacon and many times requested syrup to go with his bacony crumpets. In bacon he was worshipping the bacon so harvested A.K.A. Soylent bacon. From the harvest of pigs also brought forth Mr. N-Sunderland to eat the flesh of nothing. STOP IT.
The authors’ angry denials only proved his feelings for RethBurn and his lusciously sesductive tails. Such tails can slither down the cold sweaty back of a moose. The moose frantically apologised for the spilled maple syrup and the mess However, by the Canadian standards, this was a disaster of epic proportions as Canadians are polite. Yet secretly Canadians are even more crazy polite and considerate than the country below them. In said country the people are keen to avoid sticky maple syrup at nightfall when N-Sunderland reaps souls. Fearing the Sunderland Americans all decided to do nothing. But then they died, America extinct.
Everyone else celebrated except the Canadians, who apologised profusely. The Brits, however blamed N-Sunderland. Later also blaming Shink for hsi actions against all of a South-London Gregs’ personal robotic servants. Without his robotic servants he slowly dissolved in sugary Earl Gray Tea. Captain Picard came by beaming down from the Voyager wielding Yiskis’ flare gun and violent thoughts. Before the captain beamed down, he ravished the lusty Argonian maid whom Kirk had already bought jellybeans filled with jelly however Spock at them. So Kirk said “How dare you eat my precious jelly, what kind of logic would permit such atrocity?” Then Kirk suddenly gave Spock a firm reprimand on him and his pointy eared Vulcan nature lacking the passion of the Borg. Suddenly Bill Murray stormed in with with cakes and and a stammer shouting “K-K-Kirk why would you let spock and Picard make violently vivacious GoI rule 34!?” Turning to Murray a wildly inappropriate forum post appeared Kirk drew his posing naked crew and then realised he has Spock on his back. He died. ~FIN, First name Huckleberry set off with his trusty side spatula and backing oven to try and create a giant lasagna fort. The fort will successfully attract Italians to revive Kirk from his grave.
Meanwhile at the bar that we, the greatest Italian assassins, built to drink to Odin, as a testament to cheesy crusted mushrooms shaped jell-o. When N-Sunderland arrived adorned in majestic death. Everybody stopped and blamed Shinkurex when Coldcurse said “I love cute little plushies that ride on rainbows made of ice cream, and I hate waffles made from the souls of smelly hiking shoes and buried threads. “ None were surprised of his reply. Coldcurse sighed loudly as his life has never existed without pony friends except little JawJee was so fabulous at forgetting the “.” The subject went off track because of the intelligence went missing.
Meanwhile, Cold and JawJee went drinking at a family reunion of medieval souls. Our boredom was so great that we couldn’t stop spamming this topic nor Shinks’ topic and the forum closed its gates because we doomed the entire humanity arisen organised crime against those who held the dough. A totally unrelated hippopotamus came along and then left. It returned, armed by Gryphos Fellfeather with an awesome Griffin mounted heavy soul stealing device that drank tea. The tea was actually beer, which was actually tea which was delicious, unlike most tea, beer tea is actually rum coffee. The confusion they had all caused with beer tea only multiplied when techno-Flammable Bacon turned ino ‘MURICA. Murica was dressed in bacon strips and many guns that shoot freedom. Oh, the symbolism pie tasted like M(839r F*#@&n' Freedom that was all.
However fin, first placed pie eating pie on a pie named Piemanlives whilst also eating twelve vegetarian tacos eleven smothered burritos, ten tribble trifles, three bricks of fruitcake, nine lesmok plushy filled dolls, strawberries flavoured donuts and a goat... eight echidna hamburgers, fiiiiiive goooold flaaaares, 4 bursting flaks! Wait we forgot the seven swabbies, three dead squids that smelled really like strong chloroform. Six red herrings,
And here the story ends... no one knows why.
