Author Topic: New Loading Screen Text Needs Work  (Read 550 times)

Offline Bonaventure

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New Loading Screen Text Needs Work
« on: August 21, 2013, 01:18:08 pm »
Hi, devs! If you're around.

I hate giving feedback like this, because I know that lots of people like to write fluff (we can also call it "lore" or "flavor text"), and nobody wants to break it to a team member that, while they may have potential, they don't have the experience to write professionally for games -- at least without guidance and significant editing.

The old loading screen text -- the stuff that was in the game since launch -- was well-written and interesting. It was of professional quality. The new fluff text displayed on the loading screens is nowhere near this quality. It is riddled with spelling and grammatical errors, but beyond that, it just isn't fun or compelling to read. It feels shallow and doesn't show the hallmarks of good game writing.

The worst example, I think, is the stand-alone sentence fragment "Cold cloudy combat climbs." (I forget which map that belongs to.) I puzzled over this for a while before I realized that the writer probably meant "climes," not "climbs." Even fixing that, it's clunky and not evocative and there's no good excuse for its fragmentary nature.

The old fluff gave the impression of being bits and pieces of a well-fleshed out backstory; the new fluff seems much more shallow, and not what you want to see in a AAA game.

I understand that it's hard with small teams. Everyone does everything, and the review process for text is often nonexistent compared to the same process for art. Art gets sent back until it's right; text usually doesn't. And it's hard to hurt people's feelings. What makes this so concerning is that Adventure Mode is *all about* fleshing out the world, and that's going to involve some text and storytelling. It will be very bad if that text doesn't live up to the previous quality.

Who wrote the previous lore? Are they still with the team? Perhaps they could exert some editorial oversight.