Messages

46

Feedback and Suggestions / Re: Problems with matchmaking

« on: October 25, 2014, 08:30:00 pm »

fuck it. just add everyone to your watch-list, and have all the costume matches.
then let's just request a separate (consensual) friends-list and have them be a different colour.

that's the only way to cheat yourself match lists back.

just give us a separate friend-list and i will get off your back. promise.

47

Feedback and Suggestions / Re: Problems with matchmaking

« on: October 21, 2014, 03:51:45 pm »

oh i know it exists, but i don't know WHEN and if AT THIS SECOND. and i can't join them anymore as i used to.

48

Feedback and Suggestions / Re: Problems with matchmaking

« on: October 21, 2014, 12:35:35 pm »

i can't help out skrubs anymore.

i used to join ships with lvl 2s that had no idea how to handle things yet and tanked them a bit to give them time to look at the cool graphics while i rebuilt the hull, i actually liked that.

i also have a teacher mode unlocked which makes me able to join noivce lobbies and sit in spectator slots and answer questions in-between matches. like in lobbies.

it was good that novice lobbies took some time.
it gave them time to ask questions, understand the UI, change the loadout for the 3rd time and this time press CUSTOMISATION COMPLETE.

now i don't even know if novice lobbies exist?! even if i press novice lobby in the matchmaking thing it seems to be an INCLUSIVE not EXCLUSIVE search.

at least give me a "match lobbies" and "novice lobbies" counter in a corner or something.
i'm wasting my time.

I LOVE THE GRAPHICAL UPDATES!!!!!
everything else makes me want to just restart an account because i'll never fucking get out of competitive gameplay with my lvls. and i just want to tank skrubs. i play competitive on the weekends.

49

General Discussion / Re: goio's great community

« on: October 04, 2014, 04:52:19 am »

Man, I was in a lobby yesterday that was having a really positive discussion about feminism until it somehow turned to be about female pubic hair.

"A conversation about women as people?  OH NO, QUICK, BETTER TURN IT TO BE ABOUT SEX!"

honey, you know that...
women aren't supposed to grow hair, take shits and fart, or smell of anything other than rose paddles and rain on a clear summer day.
that's just not okay.
women are supposed to be soft and beautiful to look at, easy for the eyes AND nose. you don't want to bother your man now, do you? or any other for that sake.
always be gentle and understanding, make them feel heard and considered! as a woman it is your job to make sure men feel that they matter. and what better way to do that then making them decide what body hair you can admit to growing and what is just disgusting and you should hide your shame.

oh and Aayra, i don't really care if people want to come or not, lydia and me would be fine playing alone but by giving it a broad title like "girl gaming night" or similar things it made it clear that we do want female company and NO we do not have to know you first. and it worked. we had a really lovely evening and it was kinda nice. we played in the iron fork and then we split up into L4D2 and TF2. and then i left and they continued playing. people got to know one another, and now also casually want to hit each other up for a game here and there. exactly what i wanted out of this.

and what i mentioned about being respectful and mindful of making sure you as a male player don't make women uncomfortable only counts if those men don't have the consent of those women to treat them a certain way. if you are fine with public flirting all the power to you, but it obviously means you have talked to people about it and it was okay for you to be treated like that right? as for random strangers. it only counts if they want to be decent human beings respectfully approaching a situation. hey if not then that's fine too. they're just gonna be called out on the disrespectful boundary crossing individual they are.
cat-calling and disgusting behaviour is not always done to hit on us sorely.
sometimes it's like a dog pissing on his territory. they feel we're not supposed to feel comfortable here and they try to enforce that. "not feeding the troll" is shutting up and letting them piss all over this community. this is why CAs shouldn't block people right? to not be oblivious to abuse and not letting it happen continuously but honestly i lost all my believe in this CA system. they have no power to do anything anyway. some are more scared to stand up to abuse than before they got their yellow name. it's kinda sad.

(this is more to everyone)

look i don't really care if you think i'm an over-reactive over-sensitive feminist killjoy that takes away your innocent fun. i don't.
i just wanted to invite other girls to play video games with me.
and those who want to come can just show up any time.

that's. it. ^^

50

General Discussion / Re: goio's great community

« on: September 21, 2014, 01:50:05 pm »

what? that you should know it's okay to comment publicly on someone's voice before doing so?

well, that's called being a decent human being and communicating with someone, instead of commenting about someone...

that's a general thing i didn't invent.

51

General Discussion / Re: goio's great community

« on: September 21, 2014, 01:31:52 pm »

b) - "OMG YOU SOUND SO CUTE" objectification

oh. I recall that I had said something like that to you before. If you've gotten upset about that, I'm really sorry, I just wanted to made a compliment, not a harrasment. So I'm sorry.

As for the topic. It's a shame that this happens. I've never seen something like this, but if I ever do, I'd try to stop it as soon as possible - and everyone should, I think.  I believe that this people can be persuaded, if you talk to them... if you're man, it's ashame.

Well not quite, it happens so often I don't remember single people who did it on what day.
However you took my statement out of context see...

Yet my airship- engineering days are filled with dialogues like:
"Oh you're new. While your Hwacha reloads you can use the Gat on the side. Just count to 14, by the end of it you should be back in the gun to reload the rounds. Heavy for less recoil, burst for mid to short range disable."
a) - "Nice voice changer" disbelieve
b) - "OMG YOU SOUND SO CUTE" objectification
- EITHER WAY: ONE EAR IN THE OTHER OUT

It's okay if you consider me cute. I mean, of course it's very flattering!
But there is always a series of considerations to make to tell if it's appropriate to confront me with.

* DOES IT HAVE TO BE SAID?
* DOES IT HAVE TO BE SAID - BY ME?
* DOES IT HAVE TO BE SAID - BY ME - NOW?

When I ask someone what rounds you want me to take, or explain you your load out, i want them to interact with me like a human being and don't just disregard everything I said, because they couldn't concentrate on what I said, because they just waited for my mouth to shut because these absolute strangers have to rate my voice and assign my worth before we can continue.

If you know someone already, maybe ask them first before you make them a compliment.
It's not so hard, try to not make the question in itself sound too pressuring, else it's counter-productive. Have an example:

"Ohai. Is it very weird if I randomly compliment you?"
- nothing? : don't do it!
- "oh we're in the middle of a game" : don't do it!
- "sure?" : proceed!
"I just think you sound really cute! I hope that didn't make you uncomfortable"

ACTUALLY the most sensible thing to do is doing that in a PM and not across a lobby...

To sum up:
* Don't interrupt women with "compliments" (commenting on them)
* Don't comment on women's voices publicly in a lobby chat without their consent.
* First approaches discreetly and personally, don't pressure them, don't embarrass them.
AND YES ALL THOSE THINGS ARE VALID EVEN IF YOU KNOW THE WOMEN!
If you're dating them: ASK THEM HOW THEY WANT TO BE TREATED BEFOREHAND!

This was an elaboration on your comment Archi Rook. I don't remember you offending me.
But it's a good opportunity to explain in general why commenting on women is often seen as a validation space and being taken seriously.

52

The Pit / Re: MORG Gaming Nights

« on: September 20, 2014, 02:33:27 pm »

NO ONE CARES WHAT MEN CONSIDER SEXIST.

just because something is "über ironic sexism" doesn't mean it's not sexist.

53

General Discussion / Re: goio's great community

« on: September 19, 2014, 09:37:16 pm »

Mezhu's a great guy.

The first time I noticed him was when he appeared in a lobby I was getting harassed in.
I don't want to go into the details but it wasn't just the usual (YES. sadly there is a "usual"), it was particularly sexually aggressive and I was at the brink of tears, and thank god Mezhu was there.
He was kind enough to tell me that it was my fault for behaving the way I did and that my "cuteness" invited this abuse.
And man did I learn form it, who would have thought.
What a guy.

I'm not out to hurt him, but god I don't care about his feeling getting hurt when his "über ironic" 3deep5you joke didn't get the response he wished for.
If you try to be "socially critical" you invite a discussion.
I didn't. I just invited people into a mumble server one day a month.
All I need to do to invite all this debate is challenge your delusion about equality.
And patriarchy has a very fragile ego it seems when even suggesting I want female company feels like a threat.

(even though I quoted Omniraptor, this is just an elaboration of ONE aspect he mentioned.
NOT answering him, attacking him or correcting him. It's not a personal interaction.
I hope you understand that Omniraptor. I do appreciate a lot you say! I really mean that.
This is the only thing you said so far that I disagree with.)

As a side note, I am not completely happy with the recent changes to the report system. In my experience reporting someone for something tends to provoke an outburst, and what's more if I am reporting them for something they said to me more often than not they can tell it is me reporting them. But I will defer to other people's judgement on that.

I really agree actually!
The problem with reporting people:

• User Interface

The UI makes me oblivious to the match starting.
I've been interrupted by starting matches and had to start over from scratch a lot.
Sometimes I didn't attempt a second time and that is a shame.
Could there be a "drafts" folder, or could at least reopening the report UI show the last typed not-sent message? That would really change the ratio of my harassment/report ratio.

• Immediate Notification

As Lydia mentioned, since we're often the only ones taking offence (except for when we play with friends in the same lobby that support us) it's often really obvious that the only report filed is from us, and even if it's not just one they still know it's because of us and it makes them become really uncomfortable towards us, and often it's worse than just "getting over it" meaning, brush it off, feel like shit and just try to forget it happened.
Solutions to his could be a few: showing up that you have been reported only when relogging, making it an e-mail notice only, etc.
But I REALLY would appreciate it being changed. In any way really.

• The "why bother" factor.

Again Lydia already mentioned that.
Some notice, even a default mail would be better than nothing. Not automated. Sent really whenever some issue has been addressed in ANY way.
The "discretion" law you enforce, protects the abuser and silent discipline to the point of not even admitting something has been done about a problem that was reported, deleting forum posts that perpetuate sexism, telling women to just block people. That all doesn't make it go away.
It hides the fact that it happens.
[/list]
Additionally!!!

• "Just block them"

The reason I rarely block:
I want to know. I can't just ignore it.
I am not the only one they are gonna be horrible towards.
It's important to that I know if they are attacking other women. And ignoring them doesn't make them go away. It makes them wander off with not a care in the world, because they achieved what they wanted. They made the bitch shut up.
[/list]

54

General Discussion / Re: goio's great community

« on: September 19, 2014, 01:26:43 pm »

I have issue with brushing things like this off by calling it trolling and it's not the anonymity that makes people say these things either, and I have a very good video about it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KHEkR5yb9A

Most of you won't watch but it's really well explained.

55

The Pit / Re: MORG Gaming Nights

« on: September 19, 2014, 03:49:40 am »

56

General Discussion / Re: goio's great community

« on: September 19, 2014, 12:47:59 am »

Being in this community for a year I have tried posting on this forum 3 times:

• Rape Jokes
  A simple reminder not to use the word "rape" to equate sexual violence with someone's achievement
  Male Players were attacking me, threatening me, contemplating the ways I may or may not have been sexually abused to take such offence and mocking the very point I was trying to make.
  - October 08, 2013, 05:30:45 pm : posted
  - October 09, 2013, 05:50:01 pm : locked
  

  The cause for which this topic was started was good, but the discussion has turned in the wrong direction entirely.
  This thread is locked, and the offending posts have been removed.

  24 hours
  
  
• Girls of Icarus Online
  A suggestion to have a better network for women to connect to other female gamers of this community.
  The 3 kind of comments men made:
  a) "LOL if I wear a skirt do I count "
  b) "That's sexist, why is it always about gender with you "
  c) "Aaaaaaw are the women emancipating themselves? that's sho cuuuute"
  The rest held a council amongst each other contemplating weather or not they were approving.
  Not counting the worst comments that were removed, filled with accusations, insults and sexist slurs.
  Women stopped responding in the threat and started approaching me about it in private, to avoid the argument or not to out themselves
  This threat was made for women to reach out, and the responses to it didn't invite women, it scared them off.
  - January 23, 2014, 01:39:36 pm : posted.
  - January 24, 2014, 12:02:01 am : CA had to get involved, comments were removed
  

  Is this the point at which I state we should keep this civil?
  
  Yes it is, please keep this thread civilized, if you want to have an argument about gender equality then take it to the pm's. I'd rather not have this thread be full of argument and counter-argument.
  

  - January 24, 2014, 04:00:13 am : CA threatened to lock the threat, comments were removed
  

  Please don't make us lock this thread. It's a great idea as stated by others but the few are going to ruin it.
  
  You realize by your negativity you're only killing the community you're all pledging stating to enjoy.

  - January 24, 2014, 12:51:44 pm : developers involved themselves, comments were removed.
  

  This is not a thread to discuss sexism.  This is a call to players who would like to play together.  In this case, it is a call to female gamers who want to play together.
  
  Show your support (no matter what sex you identify with), sign up with them, make friends.  This is all acceptable behavior in this thread.  Please keep the discussion focused to the topic at hand.
  
  If you have problems about this group existing, don't discuss it here in this thread, do it in your own time and outside of Guns.  Muse does not discriminate and we do not tolerate inappropriate behavior (bigotry, sexism, bullying, just to name a few).  In fact, this is a great initiative since it's promoting groups of people making friends.  We're all about making friends.  Never impede on someone's ability to make friends.  Please think twice about posting your comments here.
  
  When in doubt, don't post at all.
  
  Thank you

  
  10 hours to be threatened to be shut down, 18 hours for a dev to have to voice MUSE's approval for the harassments to stop.
  
  
• BORG Gaming Nights.
  Since my initial friendly invite post was so swamped with boys contemplating sexism for the first time in their lives because this time it was affecting them, and women were actively avoiding it, I posted an open invite to one night a month where I'd be up for playing games anyway for fellow women to join me in my misery.
  I KNEW there would be backlash, and I chose my words very carefully.
  After longer consideration I chose to address this invite only to the people it was ment to be for, and not apologise and justify, yet I left you with an image with an adorable fat little B'Elanna explaining to you:
  "Please try to respect that online games are still a very male dominated environment and although men are our friends, women also need their own space"
  Since I learn form my mistakes this time I locked the conversation making it a silent invite.
  There was nothing to comment on. I was gonna play that time and women were invited to join me.
  So I thought...
  - September 16, 2014, 07:54:06 pm : posted
  - September 17, 2014, 07:00:55 am : Mezhu's MORG post was made.
  12 hours
  

This Post was supposed to mock my efforts of offering a safe space for women, by jokingly offering and therefore creating an environment to perpetuate sexist stereotypes.
In itself it tried to copy me and then make fun of my unnecessary "misandric" exclusivity.
While the "B" in BORG stands for "bunch" I have yet to wonder what the "M" stands for, but my guess is as good as anyone's.
Furthermore it describes a list of things fellow men need to live up to to prove their worthiness:

Only people with an average hair body density of 10 hair/cm2 allowed.
Must yell a lot, punch stuff in anger whenever losing and make forced sex jokes at least once a minute.
Must be confident in own genitalia size and possibly brag about it in public.
Must be into sports. (tennis, volley, chess and the like do not count).
Must drink scotch and smoke cigars on a daily basis and preferably during events.
Muscles are not a must but are definitely a plus. Moustache can work as an alternative, bonus points for full-grown beards.
Must enjoy pornographic material.
Strictly straight-only. If not, at least act like it.
Any word of cooking and shopping (exuding arms) will result to an irrevocable permanent ban from our little community.

While my invitation made it clear all women were included.
Using words like "female socialised" and "female identified" to make sure trans*women knew they were included, not only that but also without the need to out themselves. women are women.
And the only positive thing I can say about that is that AT LEAST no one ruined this silent trust to not abuse this discretion, because I have no idea how to deal with that and I would never ask anyone to PROVE their gender to me, besides it being impossible because gender is a concept and construct.

It's sad enough that men only give a shit about sexism when they feel excluded.
It's worse when they destroy every harmless effort I have to reach out to other female gamers.

Why would you do that? I don't understand.

What actually makes it the worst is that this is known as one of the best gaming communities out there.
This is as good as it gets...

Yet my airship- engineering days are filled with dialogues like:
"Oh you're new. While your Hwacha reloads you can use the Gat on the side. Just count to 14, by the end of it you should be back in the gun to reload the rounds. Heavy for less recoil, burst for mid to short range disable."
a) - "Nice voice changer" disbelieve
b) - "OMG YOU SOUND SO CUTE" objectification
- EITHER WAY: ONE EAR IN THE OTHER OUT

What baffles me is how you care more about the reputation of "not all men" than to just understand that it's a fucking pain in the ass to be objectified, second guessed and sexually harassed all day, and craving female company, which is hard to come by casually.
It's nice to spend time with fellow women who actually see you as a human being.
and yes. I know. /not all men!/

Yet enough. So here we are..

57

The Pit / Re: MORG Gaming Nights

« on: September 18, 2014, 09:15:12 am »

"But what about the men "

58

Community Events / BORG Gaming Nights.

« on: September 16, 2014, 07:54:06 pm »

Ohai.

So a bunch of random girls and I have been talking about having a monthly date to play video-games with one another,
and why not post an open invitation to all women to join us in a safe environment?

No matter the turnout;

Every 1st Friday of the Month, 8pm UTC is BORG Gaming Night
(bunch of random girls? borg? hilarious, i know.)
Hosted on the Cake Mumble in a special event-channel!

If you're interested in participating or joining us you can contact either Lydia or me
and if you're already in the Girls of Icarus Steam group, you can access all the necessary data easily via that!

We're still gathering information as to which games we'd want to play, and we'd love your input!
Lydia provides a Google spreadsheet which we use to have an overview of what games we have and want to play.
If you want to voice a game you want to play, or just browse through what other women mentioned just shoot us a PM!

Currently mentioned (in no particular order):

• Guns of Icarus Online (... ikr?)
• Left 4 Dead 2
• Hawken
• Killing Floor
• Dota 2
• League of Legends
• Chivalry: Medieval Warfare
• Awesomenauts

and whatever else you can think of.

The basic idea is to start off with something we can all play, like Guns of Icarus or Cards Against Humanity.
And then move on to whatever you want to play.
With a larger group it would make sense to even split up into groups of games people are interested in
and eventually fading out in doing whatever with ~whomever~
So far from some super strict ritualistic pact,
just at least getting some (2h or what) games in among us girls and women before fading back to playing with our guy-friends again.

So here is your invitation:

drag and drop that to your desktop!

Sadly I am not up for the backlash this will create and will therefore lock the comment section.

                                                               ~love, MS Paint B'Elanna.

59

The Lounge / Re: That Moment When...

« on: September 12, 2014, 09:38:30 am »

That moment where you complement a girl randomly, then said girl makes a newspaper article on how random complements make her and other girls feel uncomfortable.

60

Feedback and Suggestions / Re: Ship Cosmetics Wishlist

« on: August 26, 2014, 12:27:55 pm »

a male conductor.

with a dashing waist.

don't leave out the stockings.