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Chmielewski:
--- Quote from: B'Elanna on September 19, 2014, 12:47:59 am ---
b) - "OMG YOU SOUND SO CUTE" objectification
--- End quote ---
oh. I recall that I had said something like that to you before. If you've gotten upset about that, I'm really sorry, I just wanted to made a compliment, not a harrasment. So I'm sorry.
As for the topic. It's a shame that this happens. I've never seen something like this, but if I ever do, I'd try to stop it as soon as possible - and everyone should, I think. I believe that this people can be persuaded, if you talk to them... if you're man, it's ashame.
B'Elanna:
--- Quote from: Archi Rook on September 21, 2014, 06:10:22 am ---
--- Quote from: B'Elanna on September 19, 2014, 12:47:59 am ---
b) - "OMG YOU SOUND SO CUTE" objectification
--- End quote ---
oh. I recall that I had said something like that to you before. If you've gotten upset about that, I'm really sorry, I just wanted to made a compliment, not a harrasment. So I'm sorry.
As for the topic. It's a shame that this happens. I've never seen something like this, but if I ever do, I'd try to stop it as soon as possible - and everyone should, I think. I believe that this people can be persuaded, if you talk to them... if you're man, it's ashame.
--- End quote ---
Well not quite, it happens so often I don't remember single people who did it on what day.
However you took my statement out of context see...
--- Quote from: B'Elanna on September 19, 2014, 12:47:59 am ---Yet my airship- engineering days are filled with dialogues like:
"Oh you're new. While your Hwacha reloads you can use the Gat on the side. Just count to 14, by the end of it you should be back in the gun to reload the rounds. Heavy for less recoil, burst for mid to short range disable."
a) - "Nice voice changer" disbelieve
b) - "OMG YOU SOUND SO CUTE" objectification
- EITHER WAY: ONE EAR IN THE OTHER OUT
--- End quote ---
It's okay if you consider me cute. I mean, of course it's very flattering!
But there is always a series of considerations to make to tell if it's appropriate to confront me with.
* DOES IT HAVE TO BE SAID?
* DOES IT HAVE TO BE SAID - BY ME?
* DOES IT HAVE TO BE SAID - BY ME - NOW?
When I ask someone what rounds you want me to take, or explain you your load out, i want them to interact with me like a human being and don't just disregard everything I said, because they couldn't concentrate on what I said, because they just waited for my mouth to shut because these absolute strangers have to rate my voice and assign my worth before we can continue.
If you know someone already, maybe ask them first before you make them a compliment.
It's not so hard, try to not make the question in itself sound too pressuring, else it's counter-productive. Have an example:
--- Quote ---"Ohai. Is it very weird if I randomly compliment you?"
- nothing? : don't do it!
- "oh we're in the middle of a game" : don't do it!
- "sure?" : proceed!
"I just think you sound really cute! I hope that didn't make you uncomfortable"
--- End quote ---
ACTUALLY the most sensible thing to do is doing that in a PM and not across a lobby...
To sum up:
* Don't interrupt women with "compliments" (commenting on them)
* Don't comment on women's voices publicly in a lobby chat without their consent.
* First approaches discreetly and personally, don't pressure them, don't embarrass them.
AND YES ALL THOSE THINGS ARE VALID EVEN IF YOU KNOW THE WOMEN!
If you're dating them: ASK THEM HOW THEY WANT TO BE TREATED BEFOREHAND!
This was an elaboration on your comment Archi Rook. I don't remember you offending me.
But it's a good opportunity to explain in general why commenting on women is often seen as a validation space and being taken seriously. :)
Skrimskraw:
--- Quote from: B'Elanna on September 21, 2014, 01:31:52 pm ---
--- Quote from: Archi Rook on September 21, 2014, 06:10:22 am ---
--- Quote from: B'Elanna on September 19, 2014, 12:47:59 am ---
b) - "OMG YOU SOUND SO CUTE" objectification
--- End quote ---
oh. I recall that I had said something like that to you before. If you've gotten upset about that, I'm really sorry, I just wanted to made a compliment, not a harrasment. So I'm sorry.
As for the topic. It's a shame that this happens. I've never seen something like this, but if I ever do, I'd try to stop it as soon as possible - and everyone should, I think. I believe that this people can be persuaded, if you talk to them... if you're man, it's ashame.
--- End quote ---
Well not quite, it happens so often I don't remember single people who did it on what day.
However you took my statement out of context see...
--- Quote from: B'Elanna on September 19, 2014, 12:47:59 am ---Yet my airship- engineering days are filled with dialogues like:
"Oh you're new. While your Hwacha reloads you can use the Gat on the side. Just count to 14, by the end of it you should be back in the gun to reload the rounds. Heavy for less recoil, burst for mid to short range disable."
a) - "Nice voice changer" disbelieve
b) - "OMG YOU SOUND SO CUTE" objectification
- EITHER WAY: ONE EAR IN THE OTHER OUT
--- End quote ---
It's okay if you consider me cute. I mean, of course it's very flattering!
But there is always a series of considerations to make to tell if it's appropriate to confront me with.
* DOES IT HAVE TO BE SAID?
* DOES IT HAVE TO BE SAID - BY ME?
* DOES IT HAVE TO BE SAID - BY ME - NOW?
When I ask someone what rounds you want me to take, or explain you your load out, i want them to interact with me like a human being and don't just disregard everything I said, because they couldn't concentrate on what I said, because they just waited for my mouth to shut because these absolute strangers have to rate my voice and assign my worth before we can continue.
If you know someone already, maybe ask them first before you make them a compliment.
It's not so hard, try to not make the question in itself sound too pressuring, else it's counter-productive. Have an example:
--- Quote ---"Ohai. Is it very weird if I randomly compliment you?"
- nothing? : don't do it!
- "oh we're in the middle of a game" : don't do it!
- "sure?" : proceed!
"I just think you sound really cute! I hope that didn't make you uncomfortable"
--- End quote ---
ACTUALLY the most sensible thing to do is doing that in a PM and not across a lobby...
To sum up:
* Don't interrupt women with "compliments" (commenting on them)
* Don't comment on women's voices publicly in a lobby chat without their consent.
* First approaches discreetly and personally, don't pressure them, don't embarrass them.
AND YES ALL THOSE THINGS ARE VALID EVEN IF YOU KNOW THE WOMEN!
If you're dating them: ASK THEM HOW THEY WANT TO BE TREATED BEFOREHAND!
This was an elaboration on your comment Archi Rook. I don't remember you offending me.
But it's a good opportunity to explain in general why commenting on women is often seen as a validation space and being taken seriously. :)
--- End quote ---
are you speaking for yourself, or for every female gamer?
B'Elanna:
what? that you should know it's okay to comment publicly on someone's voice before doing so?
well, that's called being a decent human being and communicating with someone, instead of commenting about someone...
that's a general thing i didn't invent.
sparklerfish:
Yesterday I was in a lobby and someone on the opposing team complimented our gunner on "his mining skills". When they discovered I am not a he, the lobby collapsed into the chaos, immaturity, and offensive remarks that always come along with being a woman on the internet and especially in an online game. I try to stick to flying with friends so that this occurs less often, but it is really frustrating to see that this is still so commonplace in a community that prides itself on being friendlier and better than other online games.
Women who play games are just people who play games. Stop freaking out. And no, you can't have my phone number.
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