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Character discussions?
Dr Pantaleon:
Heh, thank you! I was pretty much grinning to myself the entire time while writing it.
Hunter.:
--- Quote from: Hunter. on June 30, 2014, 11:09:18 am ---Pantaleon, Your story put a huge smile on your face.. just the picture of a posh British gentlemen in a tavern sipping whine, surrounded by bulky, dirty engineers chugging moonshine as the gent reads his book and sips his wins, someone from the gallery! get on drawing this scene!
--- End quote ---
Wow, I could not spell Wine that whole post....
Piemanlives:
I know the feeling.
Imagine:
So, just something that I've had in mind for a while, I'll probably write another entry later.
-------------------------------------------------
The thick coin spun rapidly in midair.
It was golden, the light from the flames showing the gleam that only true gold can, shining through the muck and grime that covered most of it. Time slowed while the coin flipped to its apex, and through the stench and heat of burning fuel which burned his nostrils, through the haze of smoke and the blood from the cut on his forehead he tried to make out the figure who had thrown it. Laying face down on the slick wooden deck of the ruined junker, all but one arm and head buried by rubble, he tried to reach to rub his eyes but found he no longer had the strength to. He licked his lips, meaning to work moisture back into his mouth, staring at the indistinct figure behind the coin, the figure who remained shrouded in the starry sky behind the flames. The figure stood still, as if waiting, anticipating something.
And then the coin fell, bouncing on edge in front of his eyes that peered into the darkness beyond, with a noise that boomed through his head, startling and pulling him out of his trance-like gaze. The boots of the figure spun, moon shining off the polished blackness. The feet that wore it hesitated for a fraction of a moment as if the owner of them had been disappointed, and then they strode away, off into the night.
The coin bounced once, twice more, then rolled in a circle before stopping in front his face. The flames continued to burn away the fuel in the mangled engines, and slowly the rest of the remains of the ship started to crackle and pop, the flames smoldering and advancing towards him slowly but surely. Suddenly the weight of the debris on top of him was even greater, and his meek struggles to free himself worked only to collapse it more. He stopped, closed his eyes, and concentrated on his breathing. He blocked out the acrid fumes, focusing only on the movement on his lungs, and the calm came over him after a few moments. His eyes snapped open, the world suddenly bright, the flames so intense now that he nearly recoiled from the the pain in his eyes. He forced himself to focus on the coin in front of him, the light flickering around the imperfect grooves around the edges of it tantalizingly, in a manner that was dark and alluring. The coin begged to be held, and he would oblige.
He would not die here. The owner of that coin would pay.
The owner of that coin must pay.
Dr Pantaleon:
Nicely done, Imagine! Evokes great emotions. No unnecessary descriptions of backstory or environment, they would only have seemed clunky and out of place. The main character knows his ship, why should he bother explaining it? I like the pacing, the imagery and the captivating plot.
I'm looking forward to see how this pans out!
(Sorry if this got too analytical, it might be an occupational disease ;) )
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