Hi all. I submitted this fake weather report a while back as an entry for The Squeaky Cog. In retrospect I think they were looking for real game community articles rather than fluff pieces. Just imagine reading this on the back of The Cog between Letters to the Editor and "Karl Cristoffensen's Culture Column". But I had a lot of fun doing this so I decided to throw it up here. I am not a professional or practiced writer so please forgive any mistakes, especially with long sentences and punctuation. I have material for a few more so I would gladly post more if people enjoy this.
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Foggy With a Chance of Fog
Sir Bartholomew Sedgwick
Greetings all flyers! A truly massive sandstorm swept through Arashi territory last week grounding travel for all but the most daring and experienced pilots. Locals, however, classified the weather as “Perfect, simply perfect”. Their satisfaction is possibly related to the unexplained disappearance of nine independent traders and a pair of Mercantile Guild junkers. Temperatures in Firnfeld skyrocketed this weekend leading to numerous impromptu shipboard picnics and several untimely crashes due to poorly cooled balloon pumps. I predict thunderstorms of unusual ferocity will plague Chaladon in the upcoming days. I have no doubt citizens of that fair isle will weather the damp with their typical and somewhat frustrating dignity.
I wish to end this report with a personal message. Last Thursday my illustrious spire was subjected to an unprovoked and vicious attack by an unmarked goldfish in the skies over the Chill Sea. As a research vessel in service to all readers of the Squeaky Cog, The Copernicus is above such base aggression. I request, no expect, NO DEMAND, a public apology in addition to compensation for one ruined Exobaric Display Module and the loss of Lieutenant Jenkins’ right little finger. Payment can be left at the nearest convenient post station addressed to Sir Bartholomew Sedgewick, Professor of Applied Meteometrics, care of Miss Livius Chan-juan, 105 Pintail Street, Cathedral. I appreciate justice in this matter and remain, dear readers, at your service.
