Collision in the Canyons
A dramatisation of real events, by GFJmember
Author’s Note: The events in this tale are based on a true occurrence. Names and certain other details have been changed, not to protect the innocent, but for drama and because, quite frankly, I have a downright awful memory, and I’m only writing this because one of the NCOs of my clan demanded it afterwards. Also, to make it clear, I am not complaining about the captain, but rather recounting a humourous tale. I really enjoyed this match.It was a fine day in the Red Canyons. I had been asked by Captain J.L. Picard to gun on his Galleon as they sailed through the region with another Galleon and a Squid. At first the run went as one would expect. We were attacked en-route, as is per usual, by another trio of ships, the vessels tinted red by the dust in the region. We managed to fend of the attack easily enough, but one attempted to escape, I believe it was a Pyramidion. One of our engineers enthusiastically desired a ram upon the fleeing foe. Now, I remind you, dear reader, that we were on a Galleon, with no front guns, and which is not known for its speed. Yet despite this, our dear captain agreed to this course of action, asking us to believe in the ram, as he broke out the moonshine. I fear he must have consumed some of the beverage himself to pursue such an illogical action.
Sadly though, before we reached our quarry, one of our allies managed to take out the rogue ship. Using their guns. But this did not satisfy our bloodthirsty captain, for as soon as we saw our foe crumble before us, from his lips did not come cries of jubilation, but of accusation.
“Who did not believe in the ram?”
I foolishly confessed, only being spared from walking the plank by the fact that we did not have one. The rest of the crew agreed that this was a tragedy indeed, and believe it should be rectified post haste.
But it only got worse from there.
We sailed onwards through the canyon, our Galleon taking point, yet did not see any more of the foes we knew to be there. Eventually boredom set in, as our dear captain eyed the Squid that was flying with us. He knew the pilot of that vessel well, and decided to liven up the experience for him by requesting our top deck gunner to use our rear mine launcher upon our allied vessel, scaring the poor captain with a single mine hit. But that did not satisfy his lust for chaos...and for a ram, for he turned to the other Galleon and made full pace for it.
The captain of the other vessel returned the favour, as two epic behemoths of the sky did battle, shoving against each other, our prows locked. Yet as we pressed against each other, our sheer forces of will were too much for the laws of nature, and our prows fused together, two ships becoming one. I, who was on the ladder at the time was lost, unsure for a time what belonged to us, and what them. I, sick of this madness, attempted to abandon ship, electing to leap upon the other vessel, but though I had thought I had hit the solid deck, I blacked out, and found myself back on the original ship. It appeared my curse was to continue.
To punish us for our insolence, the enemy’s Galleon appeared behind us, yet still our captain would be affixed by his course of action, as he cried “Did I hear somebody say buttram?” to which an engineer responded “No, but I should have said it.” And so we did, initialising full reverse upon our foe. By some miracle our attack was successful, the tussle eventually knocking the hapless foe in front of our starboard guns, where they were taken down by a single charged flak shot at point-blank range.
But alas, our gods do not bestow fortune onto order, but rather upon chaos, as whilst our rear ram brought us good luck, the Squid, who had gone on without the two cobalt Galleons which had returned to butting our proverbial heads together, chanced upon the enemy and was destroyed.
But we avenged his heroic sacrifice……
